For not allowing ex to take 1 year old to America

[MissNP196]

I have an 18 month old who my ex only started consistently having in November (he has her every Saturday, no overnight stay) which has been going well.

A few days ago, he suddenly announced that he would like to take her to America in April to celebrate his grandparents birthday. I said that as nice as it would be for her to meet her great grandparents, the trip is far too much, too soon, as she is only 1 and has never even spent a night with him. I feel this holiday would be extremely unsettling for her as she would be in an unfamiliar environment with unfamiliar people, without her mum.

Was my response unreasonable? Ex has responded angrily saying her will seek permission from court. Does anyone with experience of this know if this would likely be approved?

That would be child abduction and would get him in a whole heap of shit.
Pretty sure that to travel into the US with a child the authorities would want to see a permission letter from the other parent or proof that that father has sole parental responsibility. Airlines who transport people without the right paperwork have to return them home at the airline's cost. For that reason I doubt he would even be allowed onboard without the right paperwork.

There's nothing to stop you reporting it missing or stolen a couple of days before.

Yanbu, his grandparents are probably not going to even have a relationship with her in any case so there is no need to celebrate people she doesn't even know. He needs to be a father first before attempting to parade her around to show he is one.

You can contact the passport office to raise your concerns. Tell them you have your daughter's passport so if it is reported lost or stolen by her father, then that is not the case.

my concern is that he wouldn't bring her back!

No, they will not. OP, is she bf? I know for a fact they won’t give him rights if she’s bf!

YANBU. Let him go to court

and get that cms claim in

Here yougo

https://www.gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice/usa/entry-requirements

letter of consent is required, so just don’t provide it, but yes I would contact the passport office as well

Absolutely not. If her father is American and was American at birth (rather than naturalising) then she is eligible for American citizenship - and actually is American (Juris Sanguis)

If he takes her there and refuses to return her, the US government will support her remaining rather than returning to you.

His relationship with her needs to be well established. He needs to have a history of contributing to her life meaningfully. And he needs to earn your trust as a co parent.

and frankly even then I’d insist on travelling with them and staying close by / letting him go to family functions etc.

You aren’t being at all unreasonable. You are being a sane + responsible parent.

You can contact the passport office to raise your concerns. Tell them you have your daughter's passport so if it is reported lost or stolen by her father, then that is not the case

I didn't know that. That seems like a very sensible move.

Seems like you're getting a bit of a list of things to do but they're all achievable and will help your DD, even if she never knows about them.

I thought a child couldn’t get a passport unless both parents agree and sign the passport application?

Perhaps see a family law solicitor about a Prohibited Steps Order. Keep a lid on the access in the UK. Get the child support regularised.

Give over 🙄

IMHO, you need to see a solicitor if you think it is at all likely that he will take you to court over this visit. I'd explain his lack of consistent access time with his DD as well as never having had her overnight, and have them draw up the needed 'rebuttal' papers just in case if that's possible. At the very least I'd ask about how likely would it be that his request would be heard and a decision rendered before April.

Does he have PR? You refer to him simply as 'ex', so not sure if he's an exH or an exP. The reason I ask is that I'm not in the UK so I don't know about any 'problem' with naming him as the father for CMS purposes vis a vis establishing paternity. Could he use that as an 'admission' on your part? Where I live that can be used to establish parental rights.

I would say no just with the child being so young and still a baby. It’s a long journey and not for someone who only has the child 1 day a week

Just found this on childlawadvice.com

Lost or stolen passports
If the child’s passport has genuinely been lost, report the loss to your local police station and inform HM Passport Office so that you can get a replacement. If you report a passport as being lost or stolen but know that it is being held by another person, this is deemed as a malicious cancellation.
HM Passport Office will need additional confirmation and consent, if:
• the person who originally consented to the old passport has not declared it lost or stolen.
• HM Passport Office is aware that there is a dispute about who should hold the child’s passport between those with PR.

Only needs 1 parent with PR to consent.

No, otherwise single parents where the other parent has died or gone AWOL wouldn’t be able to get a passport for their child.

He is totally unreasonable and is not doing this for your daughter's benefit, but to present a fake image of himself to his family. Your daughter needs a solid relationship with him before a relationship with his extended family. It's not in your daughter's benefit to go, she has years ahead to build up relationships with her father's family.

Some pps have suggested that you start overnights now, so that he can take her to the US in a few months. I don't think you should move to him having overnights until you're happy and your daughter is happy to spend time alone with him - it's not your job to help him build a relationship with her just so he can take make it easy for him to take her away, who knows if he'd bother to keep regular contact up once he's impressed his US relations with his parenting.

If he takes you to court - which I really strongly doubt he would - let him know that you'll be seeking maintenance at the hearing.

This. There is absolutely no way this is suitable especially given the inconsistency of involvement in the past. My main fear would be him deciding to stay there for longer. I doubt a court would rule in his favour given his history and the age of the child.

He presumably started seeing her regularly simply because he wanted to take her and show her off to his family.

He can fuck off.

He needs to understand how cruel this would be for your daughter. She's at the age where separation anxiety would be quite significant and she would likely be in so much distress without you there as you are her comfort and all she has ever known.

It would be impossible to build up to that within 2 months as these things need to be done gently and slowly. Pushing the little one to do faster than she can handle could actually damage any bond between father and daughter and have the opposite effect. He needs to be patient.

I'm also a solid no. She'd be so upset missing you. Also I'd be really worried he would have a clue what to do.

He really needs to start having her for over nights if he wants to consider taking her away for a few nights. He doesn't need every gadget under the sun just someone proper for her to sleep - a cot, if he drives he needs a car seat and he needs a buggy. I know parents say about not getting clothes back etc but you could maybe send clothes to begin with. Let him buy nappies/ wipes himself tho just let him know which brand works for her.

You mention his GPs do his own parents (I am presuming in UK) ever see her?

Also this is interesting:

long haul flight with a 1 year old he barely knows/they barely know him. Waiting at the airports, all the shit he will need to take etc. its hard enough as a regular parent let alone someone who see the kid for a couple of hours once a week. No. No is full sentence

cant grandparents fly here/see rest of the fam too?

What a joke. Totally agree with the other comments. Not to mention that the travelling itself will be stressful and the amount of radiation from 2 long haul flights isn't ideal for a 1 year old.