To be embarrassed that I'm 50 with a 9 year old

[AshdownForest]

I was 40 when I had my second child. I'm 50 now. She is 9 now, and turns 10 in a couple of months.
Just help.
I'm having an absolute crisis.
I am sooooooo embarrassed for my daughter's sake that she is only 9, soon to be 10, and I am FIFTY!!!
She must think I'm so old!
When I got pregnant at 39, I felt so young and excited to be pregnant. And when I had her at 40 I didn't even bat an eyelid at my age. I was just so ecstatic to have her and I felt so young that I didn't think about my age. I had fertility problems with my first child so we became parents 3 years later than we'd planned. Then it took 6 months to conceive naturally second time round and it meant that my second child was born when I was 40. I never thought I'd have a baby as late as 40 but plans didn't turn out the way we thought they would.
Anyway, all through my 40s, my age had never bothered me.
But suddenly I've hit 50 and I'm thinking holy shit, I'm FIFTY with a tiny little girl!
I suddenly feel like I must be an embarrassment to her (never felt this before now). I feel I've let her down. I feel I've set her up for losing her mother when she's still a young adult. I won't be here when she's my age.
And she idolises me. I mean she absolutely dotes on me. Covers me in kisses and cuddles and gives me dazzling smiles all the time and basically tells me every single day that she loves me and that I'm her world. She says she's happiest when she's with me. And we have the most lovely time imaginable together. She's the best company ever. She is sooooooo kind. Soooooo sweet. So funny, creative, imaginative, caring, engaging, interesting and interested in everything and everyone around her. She's thankful and grateful and charming. Everyone who meets her tells me she's adorable. And she's as good as gold. So well behaved. She's a dream come true.
So I feel terrible that such a wonderful little spirit has such an old mother. I feel really selfish.
I don't look 50. I definitely do not feel 50!!! I feel so young! I am fit, active, have plenty of energy. Someone recently asked me my age, who's known me for a while, and as an experiment I said "I'm 45". They said "45? Really! I thought you were 40!" I confessed and said "Not really, I just turned 50" and they started laughing, saying "Yeah, right".
But the fact is, I am bloody 50.
And I'm shitting myself about it.
Because I'm so worried I've let my little girl down by having her at 40.
She didn't ask to be born to an old mother.
And I never thought this far ahead when I got pregnant at 39.
Please be kind to me.....I'm literally having a panic attack over this.

I wouldn't worry about it, you're the one making a big thing about it. It's at not like you're walking around with a massive sign saying I AM 50.

How would anyone know unless you told them?

Sorry hope you didn't read that as me not being kind, I am meaning that you don't need to tell people your age, nobody needs to know your actual age? It doesn't matter? Xx

She loves you.
You’re her mum.
Youll likely live at least another 20 years when she’ll have her own life.
I think you’re possibly projecting your own existential dread about being 50 onto your daughter.

You have a happy child and a loving relationship with her. So many unhappy and abused kids out there. YABU! I just had my second at 42 (also fertility issues) so totally biased here but to me the child’s happiness and security is the most important thing of all.

It is not uncommon at all in the modern era, especially when having multiple children - sounds like you are younger than your years!

What you may not have in youth you have in life experience in wisdom - perhaps that's why she loves you so much

Just tell people you are 40 if it makes you feel better? lol that's what I do. Everyone is shocked when i tell them my real age (44), so I've started saying I'm 38.

Focus on the positives. There are lots you’ve mentioned there.

Well obviously my daughter will know my age as she grows up.
And people just do know how old you are, don't they.

Weird thread, I'm not sure what you're looking for from it?

We don't know your daughter so couldn't possibly say if she finds the age gap embarrassing, but even if she does, most kids go through a phase of being embarrassed by a lot of things that they eventually grow out of.

Also, she's not a 'tiny little girl', she's nearly 10 years old.

I had my last at 42 and don’t feel like this at all! Why on earth have you let her down? People die at all ages, you can’t control it really.
I’m not even the oldest on the playground.
just enjoy your lovely daughter. She’ll by fleeing the nest before you know it

When I was 50, my youngest was 6. Late teens now and she doesn’t have to tie my shoes for me yet I wouldn’t worry

(is it mean to warn you that when she hits puberty, she will loathe, disdain and disown you whether you are 50 or 30?)

We have 50yr old parents in my DD's yr 2 class. No one thinks anything of it

Anyone can lose their mum at any age unfortunately. There’s a mum just died on my estate at 39 leaving a 14yr old and an 8 year old. You could live til 90! There’s jo guarantee either way!

I had my DD at 42 but a lot of the mums in the playground did too! No one is bothered & your DD certainly won’t be😃

Average female life expectancy is 84 and quite a bit higher if you are mc which I assume you are having had children late, even after 35 is quite late.
So I'm assuming certain other things in your lifestyle and predicting you'll live healthily to 95 at least, when she will be 55.

What on earth has triggered this OP? She sounds like a fabulous happy girl who loves her brilliant mummy.

She may well think you’re old, she would think you were old if you were 35 too! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being 50.

She sounds like she is a very lucky child. She is loved and incredibly happy. Enjoy her and stop worrying about your age. 40 isn’t ild to have a baby. Women have babies into their 40s, it’s normal.

She loves you.
You're her world.
What's there to be embarrassed about? You should be proud to be the mother of such a lovely girl, she's obviously proud of you. No embarrassment required.

This, in spades. This is your issue not hers, and the reality of yours and her life. Would it be better if she didn’t exist? Of course not. She sounds like a delight, please go off and delight in her instead of wasting your time with these pointless thoughts. I don’t mean to belittle what you feel, but to highlight what good will come of this? Try to take control of your thoughts and don’t go down this self flagellating road.

Blimey, stop making such a big thing of it. You don’t need to tell anyone how old you are.

I have at least 2 friends that had babies at 40.

This surprises me. I’ll be in a similar position to you soon as will most of my friends and a lot of other mums at the school. I think it’s quite common these days!

I had DD at nearly 42. She was 8 when I turned 50. It wasn't a big deal.

I'll be 49 with a 9 year old in a couple of years. Not that unusual I don't think. I certainly don't feel significantly older than her friends' mums.

My mum would have been only 40 when I turned 9. She was always hung up on being "old" and it spoilt stuff. Being now an older mum than she was I don't get it at all or what bothered her then or you now.

Not necessarily, you've got another decade without any landmark birthdays, and it's not as if any friends or family send cards saying happy 51st or whatever. Just avoid the question and don't tell people your age. Or identify as a 45 year old if you want to!

I understand how you feel though, I'm a similar age and quite aware of it at the moment.

Ant mcpartlin is about to be a dad at 48 and his wife is 46. Plenty of babies born to people in their 40's and it has always been the case.

Try not to dwell, make the most of your daughter xx

It's far, far more common now than it used to be for children to have older parents. Your daughter probably isn't the only one in her class with an older mum, particularly if you're in a reasonably middle-class area.