To be embarrassed that I'm 50 with a 9 year old

[AshdownForest]

I was 40 when I had my second child. I'm 50 now. She is 9 now, and turns 10 in a couple of months.
Just help.
I'm having an absolute crisis.
I am sooooooo embarrassed for my daughter's sake that she is only 9, soon to be 10, and I am FIFTY!!!
She must think I'm so old!
When I got pregnant at 39, I felt so young and excited to be pregnant. And when I had her at 40 I didn't even bat an eyelid at my age. I was just so ecstatic to have her and I felt so young that I didn't think about my age. I had fertility problems with my first child so we became parents 3 years later than we'd planned. Then it took 6 months to conceive naturally second time round and it meant that my second child was born when I was 40. I never thought I'd have a baby as late as 40 but plans didn't turn out the way we thought they would.
Anyway, all through my 40s, my age had never bothered me.
But suddenly I've hit 50 and I'm thinking holy shit, I'm FIFTY with a tiny little girl!
I suddenly feel like I must be an embarrassment to her (never felt this before now). I feel I've let her down. I feel I've set her up for losing her mother when she's still a young adult. I won't be here when she's my age.
And she idolises me. I mean she absolutely dotes on me. Covers me in kisses and cuddles and gives me dazzling smiles all the time and basically tells me every single day that she loves me and that I'm her world. She says she's happiest when she's with me. And we have the most lovely time imaginable together. She's the best company ever. She is sooooooo kind. Soooooo sweet. So funny, creative, imaginative, caring, engaging, interesting and interested in everything and everyone around her. She's thankful and grateful and charming. Everyone who meets her tells me she's adorable. And she's as good as gold. So well behaved. She's a dream come true.
So I feel terrible that such a wonderful little spirit has such an old mother. I feel really selfish.
I don't look 50. I definitely do not feel 50!!! I feel so young! I am fit, active, have plenty of energy. Someone recently asked me my age, who's known me for a while, and as an experiment I said "I'm 45". They said "45? Really! I thought you were 40!" I confessed and said "Not really, I just turned 50" and they started laughing, saying "Yeah, right".
But the fact is, I am bloody 50.
And I'm shitting myself about it.
Because I'm so worried I've let my little girl down by having her at 40.
She didn't ask to be born to an old mother.
And I never thought this far ahead when I got pregnant at 39.
Please be kind to me.....I'm literally having a panic attack over this.

I had my youngest 6 weeks before I turned 41. Can't say I care. I'm healthier and fitter than many of their peers mothers despite being a decade older.

My maternal Grandmother had her youngest at 40, she died at 98. In contrast, one of my friends died at 23 leaving a one year old behind. Who knows what the future holds. I'm just trying to be the best parent I can be.

Gosh OP move to my bit of London. No one would care, or notice, and if they did you wouldn't be the oldest parent by a mile. We have a dad of a 7yro in his 60s in my kids class and no one cares. I have older parents and couldn't care less. They embarrassed me as a young person but not because of their age.

For your daughter, the alternative to having an older mum, would be to not have existed at all. I know which I'd opt for!

Look, it's just the Fifty Freak Out luv.
Happens to a lot of us.

Kids think their parents are 'old' anyway so the actual age doesn't matter to them.

If their teacher is 28 they think that's old.

Guarantee it gets easier next year when you are 51.

When she is 14 you'll be 55.
Look how many teens are out there with Mums in their 50s.

She's 9. She's not a newborn. It's perfectly normal.

Yes I think maybe it's that. You're right, my love for her is so big. Enormous. I love her more than I thought I'd be capable of loving. I want to be the best mum I can be for her, and that translates into wanting to be around for as long as I can for her.....

In the nicest possible way, get a grip! I had my 3rd dc when I was 45 - two weeks off 46 actually (shock, horror!!!) That makes me now an ancient 65, yes, you heard me, 65, with a 19yr old at uni.
I think having dc later in life keeps you young (I would, though ) and as far as I know, I’m not an embarrassment (or not any more than most parents of teenagers are an embarrassment, anyway!) Went to a gig last night with my eldest (who I had when I was almost 36) who didn’t seem overly put out. Life is so random, there’s no guarantee that parents younger than you are going to be around as long as you are. You don’t have to live your life consumed by angst. Just enjoy what you have!

Who the fuck cares how old you are?

Why will your dd care?

My parents were old in my eyes. My mum was 39 and my dad 40 when I was born. My siblings were much older. I was always very aware, and I’ll admit, embarrassed about my ‘old’ parents. But this was in the 80s/90s - I think older parents are much more common now.

My son said recently that he thought I was so old when he went to university. I was 42. He's now 43 and realises how funny that was.

She'll keep you young. Seriously, when I look at my classmates on facebook, although there are a few of us with late teens and older who started our families around 30, many more are posting about kids starting highschool and there are quite a few with kids under 10. One of my friends must have been 45 at least when her son was born (we're about your age now).

Locally I have a close friend who is a lot older than me and had her younger children in her 40s; we met when our children were at swimming classes together. Her age is irrelevant and she's in better shape than I am ... Mostly we've been the young parents at our children's schools (I realise that won't be the case everywhere).

Thanks.
I don't live in London. I live in a village. Not much diversity here.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this OP
I don't normally reply when there's this many replies but please don't think like this
This is not too old
Please just concentrate on showing your child she is loved and bringing her up that is what matters

So do I, and I still don't feel at all significantly older than my cilhildren's friends mums. You're being silly.

I had my 1st at 19.... all his life I've been 'old' & an 'embarrassment' 😅

My Dad was 60 when I was born. Sometimes the village mean boys would laugh out loud and call him my Grandad and I hated that but at the same time absolutely adored him. And came to realise they also were nasty about one child’s Mum who had a bad limp, and another’s parent who had seizures. They were nasty people and meant nothing.

I learnt who is important in life and who isn’t, what unconditional love is, what sort of man is gentle and decent and caring, generous and properly ‘manly’ from my Dad.
I also got to have him in my life for 25 lovely years whereas my Mum who was only 30 when I was born sadly passed away when I was seven.
Hold your children close, that’s all you can do in life.

\doesn't make any sense. You made the best choice you could at the time. do you think your DD wishes she wasn't born? Because that was the only alternative. If you had a child younger then that would be a different child, not the one you got.

I had my youngest at 40. He's not embarrassed. is a teenager happy to be seen in public with me, tells me about his life.

My parents were old in my eyes.

Was that their physical age or the way they dressed/behaved though?

My paternal grandmother would have been in her early 50s when I was born. She dressed and acted exactly the same then as when she died in her late 90s so she always seemed old.

My maternal Grandmother on the other hand despite being older always seemed younger because she was full of energy and didn't dress like a little old lady even when she was one.

No they don’t, unless they’re like , your own family. Otherwise, no, not unless you specifically tell them. Mothers at my children’s school don’t know how old I am - they have no clue ( and I won’t tell them either ).
I
Honestly, this is a small world problem. Enjoy your lovely life with your beautiful family and stop stressing about how old you are.

You describe ni e as a tiny little girl.. I would describe a four year old like that but not a nine year old!

She sounds lovely, stop worrying and just enjoy her.

Dc just accept it is what it is and it's often the parents issue not the child's.
I had my dc when I was 23 and 28 and mine commented I was one of the youngest parents in there classes and there were lots in their 50s during primary school. It wasn't an issue for any of their friends.
I became disabled when mine were in primary school it was life changing for all of us but being young they just accepted it (and it's me that has the issue of how it's shaped their lives).

They do know though.
All my lifelong friends know my age. I went to school with them. I went to Uni with them.
My shelves were full of "HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY!" on them!

My friend had 2 early 40s. And it does feel odd as most of friends from school are like mine 8+ rather than 1-2yo.
But the gap will seem less when mine are 14 and hers 8 say
Ive uni friends who had them 25-27yo and theirs are at uni already.
I expect im on the older side here with 8yo at 45. But most of the parents are probably 35-40 now. Such a range though as some had other babies recently.
Some of the parents are both young and older. One in dc class has a y8, y3 and a 2yo.
Another has 2 20yo and a y3.

I think having an older child can make you feel old in the youngest childs parent group.

I'm sorry. I hope you are OK.xx

Your dd sounds adorable. Why worry about your age .you are as old as u feel!. Honestly relax.you have got this

Yes precisely, you're right, it IS me that's embarrassed.
That's exactly the point of my post😥

I had my daughter at 41, can’t say this bothers me in the slightest. DH was 46.

DD loves us and we love her, end of.