To be embarrassed that I'm 50 with a 9 year old

[AshdownForest]

I was 40 when I had my second child. I'm 50 now. She is 9 now, and turns 10 in a couple of months.
Just help.
I'm having an absolute crisis.
I am sooooooo embarrassed for my daughter's sake that she is only 9, soon to be 10, and I am FIFTY!!!
She must think I'm so old!
When I got pregnant at 39, I felt so young and excited to be pregnant. And when I had her at 40 I didn't even bat an eyelid at my age. I was just so ecstatic to have her and I felt so young that I didn't think about my age. I had fertility problems with my first child so we became parents 3 years later than we'd planned. Then it took 6 months to conceive naturally second time round and it meant that my second child was born when I was 40. I never thought I'd have a baby as late as 40 but plans didn't turn out the way we thought they would.
Anyway, all through my 40s, my age had never bothered me.
But suddenly I've hit 50 and I'm thinking holy shit, I'm FIFTY with a tiny little girl!
I suddenly feel like I must be an embarrassment to her (never felt this before now). I feel I've let her down. I feel I've set her up for losing her mother when she's still a young adult. I won't be here when she's my age.
And she idolises me. I mean she absolutely dotes on me. Covers me in kisses and cuddles and gives me dazzling smiles all the time and basically tells me every single day that she loves me and that I'm her world. She says she's happiest when she's with me. And we have the most lovely time imaginable together. She's the best company ever. She is sooooooo kind. Soooooo sweet. So funny, creative, imaginative, caring, engaging, interesting and interested in everything and everyone around her. She's thankful and grateful and charming. Everyone who meets her tells me she's adorable. And she's as good as gold. So well behaved. She's a dream come true.
So I feel terrible that such a wonderful little spirit has such an old mother. I feel really selfish.
I don't look 50. I definitely do not feel 50!!! I feel so young! I am fit, active, have plenty of energy. Someone recently asked me my age, who's known me for a while, and as an experiment I said "I'm 45". They said "45? Really! I thought you were 40!" I confessed and said "Not really, I just turned 50" and they started laughing, saying "Yeah, right".
But the fact is, I am bloody 50.
And I'm shitting myself about it.
Because I'm so worried I've let my little girl down by having her at 40.
She didn't ask to be born to an old mother.
And I never thought this far ahead when I got pregnant at 39.
Please be kind to me.....I'm literally having a panic attack over this.

At least she's unlikely to be supporting an elderly parent when she's in her 70s. I can tell you, that's not fun.

I thought the average age for a first child was now well into the thirties? You're only a few years over the average, which means you're not in the slightest bit unusual.

I was older than you when I had mine. Please stop this line of thought, it’s very unhealthy. Kids don’t care how old their parents are, it’s the parents who worry about it. Kids care about how you look after them, support them, do things they like, make them feel loved, listen to their problems, take their side.
I was probably the oldest school gate mum and never gave it a thought.

I am 50 in 2 weeks, my daughter is 8... She was the most amazing thing to happen at 42 when I'd been told I could not have any more children after 8 miscarriages.. I am going to be 60 when she's 18 but I keep active, and family keeps me young, if not permanently knackered .. as most posters say your daughter will love you for being you and her mum whatever age x

I’m 52 with a 13 year old and a 7 year old. Yes I would have preferred to have been younger when we had them but they both took multiple rounds of IVF so I’m very glad to have had them at all. Quite a lot of their friends have older parents too so I don’t feel too much like the odd one out.

You're being ott. I'm 46 with a 2 year old. Women are mothers at all sorts of ages.

She sounds great, you sound great!
My dad was a older parent which was more unusual 30 odd years ago. I was a bit embarrassed for absolutely zero reason except teens are always embarrassed by their parent. But now he's pushing 80 and feels/looks younger than most I know 10-15 years younger, younger kids keep you young!

M y relative was 50 with a three year old.
You are being over dramatic.

Many women have babies in their forties, it's really not that unusual. My youngest was younger than 9 when I turned 50. I feel having young children when you're older keeps you younger in outlook, so what's not to like?

However I get the shock of turning 50. I hated it as it sounded so old. Spent the year trying to decide how to celebrate and ended up being so indecisive I planned nothing. But you know, life goes on and you don't turn into an old lady overnight! My close colleague is 50 this week and she literally looks like a girl - tons of energy.

I'm one of the youngest mums at DCs school. They are also 10 & I'm 34. But I would say most of the mums are nearer 50 so you wouldn't stand out at all. Also, my own mum had me when she was in her 20's and died suddenly a few years ago unexpectedly. So having kids young is no guarantee they get to keep you longer. Enjoy what you have & don't worry about the future!

I wondered if that was the purpose too to be honest.

Plus, if anyone comes across as embarrassed it's the OP.

Stop being so fucking self indulgent.

I'm 46 in a few weeks and have a 5 year old. Most of the mums with kids in year 1 (my DD's year) are in their 40s. It is very much the norm where I am.

Sweetheart. If you hadn't of had her at 40, she literally wouldn't exist! If you'd had a baby at 30, it would have been some different egg and sperm who got together. OK I might be odd going down this route 😂 but maybe you can logic your way out of feeling like this. You're lucky to have such a brilliant relationship. Enjoy.

@AshdownForest YABU! My parents had me in their 40s and I never felt embarrassed. They weren't fit and healthy like you. They'd been through a lot by the time I came along, and I'm the youngest of all my siblings. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your lovely daughter and that's literally all that matters. Any second more thinking about this is time and mental energy wasted.

Agreed. The females in my generation, my mother and my grandmother all had children in their 40s. Quite a number of my colleagues have had their children in their 40s too. I’m a teacher and many children have older parents - I’ve met fathers in their 60s who have 11 and 12 year olds.

It certainly didn’t bother me having ‘older’ parents, in fact, I liked it. As the 50s parent of a teenager, the only drawback is that I feel tired sometimes, compared to my 40s.

And as a PP wisely said, teenagers will be embarrassed about just about every aspect of their parents before they come out the other side of it.

Bizarre thread. Reported.
(Edit - Bizarre original post. Reported.)

Hmmm........OK🤔

Actually felt bad so went and re read op to then apologise but on re reading it just a stealth boast isn't it?
'Look at me! I'm so young and fit and pretty people think I'm a decade younger, I'm not like the other women my age'..

It's nice that you were able to have your daughter relatively late in life. (Not terribly unusual or terribly late).

Any other egg fertilised by any other sperm at any other time wouldn't have been her, would it?

Your choices weren't "have daughter younger" or have her later. They were have her later or never meet her.

Does that help? Enjoy the good times and let life come up with its own problems - don't rush to meet them.

Jesus tonight! Talk about first world problems.

And you are NOT literally having a panic attack…

There’s no point torturing yourself over this. There’s nothing you can do to change anything. People can lose their parents at a young age due to illness or injury. Although, I will admit, my mum was 36 when she had me and as she approaches 70 this year, I feel anxious for the fact she is older than many of my peers parents. Same with my dad. I’d give anything to take a decade off their age. I’m not ready for them to get old.

Oh I don't know.

Maybe she's breathing into a paper bag and typing one handed? 🤣

You’re just fretting because the love is so big isn’t it op? I’ve got a ten year old and my goodness I just adore her. If there’s something to worry about I will and if there isn’t I’ll find something! You sound like you have a gorgeous relationship and it won’t even cross her mind that you’re old ( you’re not). Your mum never looks old to you. Mine’s 70 and she doesn’t look old to me

So your last 2 sentences are precisely what I'm worried that my daughter is going to feel like.....

Who the fuck cares how old you are?

Why will your dd care?