To be embarrassed that I'm 50 with a 9 year old

[AshdownForest]

I was 40 when I had my second child. I'm 50 now. She is 9 now, and turns 10 in a couple of months.
Just help.
I'm having an absolute crisis.
I am sooooooo embarrassed for my daughter's sake that she is only 9, soon to be 10, and I am FIFTY!!!
She must think I'm so old!
When I got pregnant at 39, I felt so young and excited to be pregnant. And when I had her at 40 I didn't even bat an eyelid at my age. I was just so ecstatic to have her and I felt so young that I didn't think about my age. I had fertility problems with my first child so we became parents 3 years later than we'd planned. Then it took 6 months to conceive naturally second time round and it meant that my second child was born when I was 40. I never thought I'd have a baby as late as 40 but plans didn't turn out the way we thought they would.
Anyway, all through my 40s, my age had never bothered me.
But suddenly I've hit 50 and I'm thinking holy shit, I'm FIFTY with a tiny little girl!
I suddenly feel like I must be an embarrassment to her (never felt this before now). I feel I've let her down. I feel I've set her up for losing her mother when she's still a young adult. I won't be here when she's my age.
And she idolises me. I mean she absolutely dotes on me. Covers me in kisses and cuddles and gives me dazzling smiles all the time and basically tells me every single day that she loves me and that I'm her world. She says she's happiest when she's with me. And we have the most lovely time imaginable together. She's the best company ever. She is sooooooo kind. Soooooo sweet. So funny, creative, imaginative, caring, engaging, interesting and interested in everything and everyone around her. She's thankful and grateful and charming. Everyone who meets her tells me she's adorable. And she's as good as gold. So well behaved. She's a dream come true.
So I feel terrible that such a wonderful little spirit has such an old mother. I feel really selfish.
I don't look 50. I definitely do not feel 50!!! I feel so young! I am fit, active, have plenty of energy. Someone recently asked me my age, who's known me for a while, and as an experiment I said "I'm 45". They said "45? Really! I thought you were 40!" I confessed and said "Not really, I just turned 50" and they started laughing, saying "Yeah, right".
But the fact is, I am bloody 50.
And I'm shitting myself about it.
Because I'm so worried I've let my little girl down by having her at 40.
She didn't ask to be born to an old mother.
And I never thought this far ahead when I got pregnant at 39.
Please be kind to me.....I'm literally having a panic attack over this.

It is not uncommon in the modern age but it was not uncommon in olden days either. Before birth control, women did have children into their late middle age. Maybe not in UK but in many rural settings, it was not uncommon to have mothers and daughters become pregnant at the same time or for people to have uncles and aunts that were younger than them. You were healthy, you felt young and you could get pregnant. There’s no embarrassment there. There are advantages and disadvantages in having younger parents and the same can be said of older parents.

Just enjoy being your daughter’s mum.

I’m 53 with a 12 year old. I find all of that a bit off-putting and over the top actually.

I’m 50 and my youngest DC is 7!
I look my age too. So what? I love being 50. It means I’m too old to care what people think. I’m regularly mistaken for her Nan but I’m never offended - I am easily old enough to be her grandmother.
My DCs tease me about being so incredibly old, (e.g. “When I was your age…” “In the 1850s you mean?”) but we all think it’s funny.
You really need to lighten up!

WTF! How utterly utterly bizarre!

Speak for yourself!

Im 54 with an 11 year old, my 11 year old has got what he has got. A loving mum who is going to be around for a long time yet!

A friend just died. She was36 with 2 very little children, mums are lost at any age.

I bet you are a bloody lovely and fabulous mum! Don’t drag yourself down because of these thoughts, so negative and to what end?

Seriously, love life and love your kid without limits due to thinking you are too old!

I'm a fab 54-year-old with a gorgeous 6 foot 14.5-year-old son - aren't we both lucky?!? Count your blessings and stop fretting.

They both look every second of their age though, and some, despite their astronomical wealth. The OP says people think she is younger so she obviously looks great for her age.

Oh please don’t feel like this.

My lovely mum was 42 when she had me and she used to say things like this. I really wish she had been a bit kinder to herself.

I certainly didn’t care about her age! TBH as a child I didn’t really have any concept of the difference between 40 and 50 anyway. Everyone over 25 was ancient and therefore all the same 😅

Oh, and BTW I am now 50 myself, and my lovely mum is still going strong, so don’t write yourself off quite so quickly.

When I had my eldest I was early 20s and by the time they went to primary school all the mums there were early to mid 40s. Hardly any of them spoke to me because I was much younger and looked younger than my age. I was mortified for my DC thinking I was an embarrassment to them.

We all tie ourselves in knots no matter what our situations. Work V stay at home breast V bottle etc etc. If you’d had her at 20
you’d have a whole different list of things to panic about. Please don’t worry so much.

Well I do know what you mean. I’m 48 with a delightful 10yo and I wish I was 10 years younger! Dh is 58 so we are really old between us. She does notice and comment.

It is what it is. She is loved and happy and she loves us. We can’t change our ages!

Most of my friends are older than me and we met as parents initially. Some have young dc. It really isn’t a thing. Enjoy your time with your dc.

Who cares? I'm 53 - mine are 12 and 14.

Looking younger doesn't automatically equal looking great?

I'm about to turn 50 and have a ten-year-old DD, so very similar to you. She jokingly tells me I'm "oooold" (she'd probably think the same if I was 30) but she isn't embarrassed by me at all.

There's no reason to suppose that she'll lose you as a young adult. The average life expectancy is 85.8 for women in the UK, so you're likely to be around until she's in her mid-40s. It's hard to lose your mum at any age, but mid-40s isn't bad.

Your being slightly older has advantages as well as disadvantages: you're probably more settled, patient, experienced than you would have been if you'd had her at twenty. Don't worry! Enjoy your time with your lovely DD.

I'm 50. Lots of my friends are 50. Lots of friends have children the same age as you. I've literally never given it a second thought.

Children keep you young, lucky you 🙂

I'm 45 with 4.4 yr old. Average life expectancy for our generation is 92.

So keep doing what you're doing to stay young. Excercise. Keep the weight off. Eat well. Take vitamins. Etc etc

It's pretty normal these days.

You should only care what your daughter thinks and you said she adores you.

My cousin who is 48 just had her first child.

Seriously? What a bizarre thread, unless it's actual purpose is to try and make older mothers feel shitty? Have you been living under a rock or had no contact with the outside world to think you're unusual?

Be grateful that you have a healthy child OP. I had to make a decision 2 yrs ago whether to continue with additional rounds of IVF or not. At that point, I'd lost 3 and TTC 12yrs with no fertility issues found. IF I'd eventually conceived, I would have been older than you were and DH 5yrs older than that. Yes, I was aware we'd have been older parents.
Please be grateful for what you have, because its something I never will have! 😔

I’m 52 and my youngest is six. I’m not the oldest mum in DC’s class. It is what it is. I think you’re really overthinking this.

My youngest was born when i was 40. Plenty of other people have children in their 40s too. I've never felt embarrassed about my age, and I can't see why she would either. The important thing is to love and nurture your children, if you do that then you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Er, excuse me, your daughter sounds gorgeous, you’re very lucky. Why can’t you focus on that instead of manufacturing problems?

Anyway, there’s literally nothing you can do about it. Have the wisdom to accept what you cannot change.

Calm down! I had my daughter at 41. She’s now at university, but we still do a lot together, speak often and she has never been embarrassed by me except when I laugh too loudly in public. I hope to live for another 30 yrs.

Are you having some kind of crisis? Had a few drinks and got yourself in a state?

OP. What are you going to do about this issue?
Buy a time machine?