To be embarrassed that I'm 50 with a 9 year old

[AshdownForest]

I was 40 when I had my second child. I'm 50 now. She is 9 now, and turns 10 in a couple of months.
Just help.
I'm having an absolute crisis.
I am sooooooo embarrassed for my daughter's sake that she is only 9, soon to be 10, and I am FIFTY!!!
She must think I'm so old!
When I got pregnant at 39, I felt so young and excited to be pregnant. And when I had her at 40 I didn't even bat an eyelid at my age. I was just so ecstatic to have her and I felt so young that I didn't think about my age. I had fertility problems with my first child so we became parents 3 years later than we'd planned. Then it took 6 months to conceive naturally second time round and it meant that my second child was born when I was 40. I never thought I'd have a baby as late as 40 but plans didn't turn out the way we thought they would.
Anyway, all through my 40s, my age had never bothered me.
But suddenly I've hit 50 and I'm thinking holy shit, I'm FIFTY with a tiny little girl!
I suddenly feel like I must be an embarrassment to her (never felt this before now). I feel I've let her down. I feel I've set her up for losing her mother when she's still a young adult. I won't be here when she's my age.
And she idolises me. I mean she absolutely dotes on me. Covers me in kisses and cuddles and gives me dazzling smiles all the time and basically tells me every single day that she loves me and that I'm her world. She says she's happiest when she's with me. And we have the most lovely time imaginable together. She's the best company ever. She is sooooooo kind. Soooooo sweet. So funny, creative, imaginative, caring, engaging, interesting and interested in everything and everyone around her. She's thankful and grateful and charming. Everyone who meets her tells me she's adorable. And she's as good as gold. So well behaved. She's a dream come true.
So I feel terrible that such a wonderful little spirit has such an old mother. I feel really selfish.
I don't look 50. I definitely do not feel 50!!! I feel so young! I am fit, active, have plenty of energy. Someone recently asked me my age, who's known me for a while, and as an experiment I said "I'm 45". They said "45? Really! I thought you were 40!" I confessed and said "Not really, I just turned 50" and they started laughing, saying "Yeah, right".
But the fact is, I am bloody 50.
And I'm shitting myself about it.
Because I'm so worried I've let my little girl down by having her at 40.
She didn't ask to be born to an old mother.
And I never thought this far ahead when I got pregnant at 39.
Please be kind to me.....I'm literally having a panic attack over this.

My DH is 55 & our DD is 10, I'm 45. He's a great Dad. Age is just a number enjoy your daughter and don't worry about it

It sounds like your daughter doesn't care. She's only 9, is she even that aware of what '50' is? I don't think it matters.

I see this thread has woken up again. I asked my adult son how old he thinks I am just now. He said 21!! As that is younger than he is, it would be some sort of time travelling miracle... :)

For the poster who mentioned that the OPs child will be without a parent in the near future...pipe down! I lost my bio mum at 19. She was not even 40..and that was nothing to do with her age!

No one knows what life has around the corner!

Enjoy being a mum, OP. And please stop (unnecessarily) worrying!

I am always puzzled by comments like this. I am so sorry you lost your mum at such a young age, but you do understand that it much more likely for a 65 year old to die from illness than a 35 year old don’t you?

people often come on and say I know someone who does when they were 32 so anyone can die at any age. But they completely ignore the statistics and probability.

statistically speaking, OP is likely to live for another 35 years. Yes, has she had her daughter twenty years older so would have been around for much more of her daughters life. but, she will be there for a really long time. I agree with you, she has nothing to worry about. But what happened with your mum was highly unusual.

At 60 and 65, we’re looking forward to celebrating this Christmas (and many more to come) with our 29 and 21 year old children. We’re not dribbling in bath chairs with ear trumpets just yet 😁

She won't care. You're her Mum.

I’m 62, and celebrating with my17yo

I had my last DC aged 40. My DS is now 28, I'm as fit as a flea, gym goer and haven't needed to see a GP in years. Some of DC's friend's parents have been seriously ill over time with a variety of health conditions and mobility problems although a few years younger than me. Statistically they might be expected to last a bit longer than me but lifestyle and genetics play a big part. Forget your chronological age and look after yourself. No one ever mentioned my age, then or now!

I was nearly 41 when I was lucky enough to have my second child. I never felt odd about it and I don't think my children were bothered either.
I'm 68 now.

49 year old here , with beautiful nine year old . Wouldn’t change it for the world . If he had been born any other time it would not have been him .

I'm 67 with 3 adult children, 34, 31 and 27.
We all get on great, By today's standards and life expectancy 40 is not an unreasonable age to have a child.

My DH is 55, we have a 14 & 10yo. It's fine.

To be honest, the only person who actually is interested in this is you.

I don’t care whether you’re 20,30,40,50 or whatever, so long as you’re a good person, who gives a stuff.

I have not read through the whole thread by the way.
Chill op. It’s cool.

Like many I was older than you when I had our one DC, and my DM died at 89 last year when I was 68.... statistically you are entirely normal for today's world.

Exactly. No child of nine with a 50 year old mother is likely to have the mother die soon. People typically live well into their eighties these days.

I was a 50 year old mother of two primary age children. Now I am the sixty year old mother of two young adults - we all get on incredibly well, had Christmas together with them and their partners, went out to see a show together last night, go to gigs together. We're off on holiday together in the Spring. We're in good health and share loads of interests. There's no more of a generation gap than there ever is between parents and adults.

My Granny had my Mum when she was 40ish, Mum had me when she was knocking on 40 and I had my twins at 35.5.
Mum 'lost' Granny when she was in her 40s and I was 41ish when Mum died.
I really wouldn't fret about an unknown future.
Enjoy the years that your daughter thinks you're the bees knees, as it doesn't last forever.
I think I'm nigh on the eldest parent on my daughters' class, but I really don't think about age, as I try to live in the moment.
🤷🏼‍♀️

They are not really shocked. It's polite to fake surprises when someone discloses their age, almost expected now. You seem very insecure

I think having younger children keeps you young in mind and body.

@PierceMorgansChin

Are you serious?! How rude! What a horrible reply. Im not insecure at all, I couldn't give a toss how old I look, just sick of people reacting the way they do, so it's easier to just say im a few years younger.

Maybe have a word with yourself and start being a bit kinder.

Calm down with hysterics and clearly you care very much about how old you look since you lie about your age casually.

@PierceMorgansChin 😂😂

If that's what you want to think, carry on.

@PierceMorgansChin

Are you ok?! Not sure why you're quoting me from 11th Feb 2024. Nearly a year ago...

Do you need a hobby or something? 😂😂🫣

So do I.

I get this completely! I could have written your post but instead I am 52 with an 11 year old! I feel ancient and yet all throughout my 40s I felt I was in my 30s and it's only since hitting the big 50 that I've felt really shite with peri menopause hitting hard. DS has started making comments too, stuff about my face changing, and that really doesn't help but kids are clueless. I just need to turn back the clock and be 30 when I had him, not 40.