AIBU to be annoyed my hair has been damaged before I’m about to give birth. Also worrying about how I’ll still manage my self care routine to keep me sane and in a good headspace after baby is born?

[NewbieToThis]

Silly post I know and with worse going on in the world I shouldn’t allow myself to get annoyed about my hair being partly fried with bleach damage before I’m about to have my baby next month but I am. I love my hairdresser she does an amazing job getting my hair as blonde as it is but I think because I’ve had it bleached/highlighted so many times during this pregnancy (and the first 3 times by a different hairdresser) and because the high lift colour was pulled through to the ends to get rid of dull blonde the last time I had it done which was last week parts of my hair have had it. I’ve had several inches cut off my hair during the times I’ve got my hair lightened which is fine but I’m going to need at least 2 inches cut off next time I have my roots done right before my baby is born. I’ve ordered olaplex no 3 to help build my hair back up. I plan on still just having my roots done but nothing done to the ends. I’m just annoyed as my baby is due and I’m worried how I’ll still have the time to do my self care to help my mental health. I have a very supportive husband and good people around but I’m the type of person who overthinks and thinks I’ll not get the time. My appearance being bad really affects my mental health so I’m praying the olaplex treatments do the trick and that extra two inches gets rid of a lot of it. My hair is shoulder blade length.

I know I’m going to get a lot of people telling me to go back my natural colour but my natural colour is disgusting and because I’m not naturally pretty I need a bright colour to perk my complexion up. I know a lot of people will say I’ll not care when baby is here but I know myself that I will. What should I do?

I don't see how healthy natural hair in any colour could possibly be 'disgusting'? Damaged, overbleached hair is far worse than any colour I can think of. I'd give your hair a break.

You won’t have time for a wee, let alone a blow dry!

Also, hate to break it to you but I couldn’t leave mine for a hair appointment until they were over a year!

I know a few people who have just shaved their hair off to start over when it's badly damaged, it's grown back lovely. Maternity leave is a great opportunity.

Constantly bleaching your hair, highlighting/colouring your hair is , in no way shape or form, self care.
You are butchering your hair.
Pregnancy alters your whole body, including your hair. Why would you inflict this regime on it?

I've no further comments as I'm a bit dumb-struck by your post.

What is your natural hair colour, why is it disgusting in your opinion ? I also think its quite sad that you feel this way about your hair and self worth.

I appreciate you don't think your natural hair colour looks nice, however neither does overly fried damaged hair, regardless of what colour is is. I seriously think you should stop having it bleached and give you hair a rest. Balayage maybe so you can have some colour but less maintenance.

You can boost mental health by doing something that improves your self image or makes you feel a bit better, though, @Mirabai.

Why do you need so much bleach ?? Is your hair colour that mousey dark blonde/brown ? I have that and understand, but I just get highlights every 4-5 months, full process was wrecking it.

Not to worry though, your husband has already agreed to make sure you have time for yourself

Self-care can cover a wide range of things. You are not the decider of what is and isn't self-care (even if you think you are).

Op like you I wanted to hold on to a semblance of my pre baby self when my eldest was born so made it a thing to ensure that I had a daily bath, clean shiny blow dried hair and a full face of make up and probably within 6 weeks I was a gibbering wreck because I'd set myself impossibly high standards.

I had a very high needs baby who fed for hours and spent most nights awake and screaming. Within 4 months I was suicidal and had to go on antidepressants.

It is very dependent on the kind of baby you have and that is very much the luck of the draw.

With my subsequent children I very much lowered my expectations and some days I managed to look groomed and other days I didn't - and the basics of washing/dressing and teeth brushing were good enough in those days.

The key is flexibility - and not to set yourself standards that are too rigid, which is easier said than done when it's your first.

I'd suggest that you come up with a plan b when or if you don't feel able to commit to the full on hair experience.

Give yourself room to manoeuvre and a flexible approach. Because until you're going through it you really don't know how it will pan out. Best of luck

Good god, the martyrs and nastiness here.
Having a baby doesn't mean you need to look like a tramp, if appearance is important to OP that's her choice and perhaps boosts her self esteem.
MN standard is a baby is the end of all life as you know it, no sleep no life, look a mess 🙄

If your midwife aware that your struggling so much, especially having a loose plan to put the baby in care if things get tough? They are there to provide support and refer to other services if needed to get you some additional help.

Your baby may have your ‘disgusting’ hair and complexion combo, you have two choices, teach to hate their appearance as well, or teach them to love their appearance as much as possible.

Yes they do, but I would argue that for even the most unsettled baby (as one of mine was), there WILL be 10 minutes during the day or night where you'll be able to have a shower, and to say otherwise to a person about to have their first baby is both disingenuous and unnecessary. In my experience it's very unusual that a new mum won't be able to at least have a 5 minute shower at some point during the day if she chooses.

Out of curiosity OP, what is your “disgusting” natural colour?

Are you saying that those of us who didn’t spend hours having our hair bleached look like tramps?!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Jeeez…more important stuff for you to concentrate on. No one will care about your hair..🙄

Here is your medal for being too cool to care 🥇

If it’s important to you then yes with one baby and 2 parents you can find time. If you want to bf it may be more tricky as salons often won’t allow baby in whilst you’re having your hair done (bleach/ perms/ hairspray etc not good for little lungs!). I’m not sure how long hair will survive being heavily bleached every month, especially if it’s quite long. How good is your hairdresser? Would it be worth getting a second opinion? If your hair is that damaged I’d be a bit worried. Home olaplex is ok to maintain condition but it doesn’t work miracles on damaged hair. Is there a less harsh colour you like? Or a balayage? I’m not totally sure if they should have rebleached the lengths, is the toner used to brighten up the bleached areas?

Omg, witches calm down! My mood is really affected by my hair. I’m not stunning by any stretch but I like my hair. After illness I had alopecia and it really affected my confidence even though the bald patches (3) were only the size of a 2p coin I never knew if I’d wake with another, more visible patch.

have a good trim to cut off the ends and do a few moisturising treatments at home. You can still have your hair done post baby (although on mn having a shower is the only treat a new mum is allowed - op, I had a toddler and newborn twins and still had my hair done).

Thanks again for those who posted nice comments. Just a few things to clarify the questions.

1. my hair was bleached 4 times during this pregnancy by 2 different hairdressers. The first 3 bleach’s were half head highlights. The fourth one was on areas that were dull.
2. i get high lift tint on my roots as my natural hair colour is a dark dirty blonde so the high lift works for me.
3. the last time I went she pulled the high lift tint through the top section of my hair to fight any dullness and give me the platinum all over the top section. The colour turned out beautiful but this fried my hair as my hair wasn’t too damaged beforehand. I didn’t ask for this she suggested it and I went for it because it wasn’t bleach.
4. I don’t think I’d suit balayage as I don’t like my natural hair colour and because I’m not naturally that pretty especially with no tan on (I’m so pale) and my features get lost in my face. Have deep set eyes. I do get my lips done as they were horrendous before filler. I have a small nose which I like but would have loved big prominent eyes. I don’t really have that sharp of a jawline so need bronzer to contour it. I will be planning on getting super skinny after this baby is born to combat this and to avoid the need of getting fat freezing treatment on it.
5. I do admit I might have some form of dysmorphia but not sure as I know what my body looks like

You shouldn’t be bleaching your hair in pregnancy anyway, but ignoring that, if you have to bleach/lift it that much, it’s not sustainable long-term and your hair will be horribly damaged. If you want to colour it, why not use something natural? I gave up bleach and chemical dyes a few years ago and the difference in my hair is massive.

Also, although you might not like your natural hair colour, I’m sure it’s not disgusting, and I’m equally sure you’re no less pretty than the average person. In your baby’s eyes, you’ll be the most perfect person in the world. By all means indulge in some self-care before baby arrives but keep away from the bleach and make yourself feel good with less damaging things.

Good luck with everything x

Your last post is really concerning actually.
You need a self esteem boost that’s not dependent on what you look like.

Op to get blond back to being brighter, rather than extra dye, you need purple shampoo and conditioner. I use the John frieda one twice a month and find it great. I only have blonde twice a year or three max.

I used to bring my DS into the bathroom with me when he was tiny so I could shower etc, he'd be in the Moses basket, then his bouncer when he was a bit older.

My hair was at its best ever when I was pregnant, but sadly thined out a lot after my DS arrived and went from bouncy to limp, I don't think you can predict, so you should probably try not to worry too much or plan a major restyle till you know what condition your hair is in post baby.