AIBU to be annoyed my hair has been damaged before I’m about to give birth. Also worrying about how I’ll still manage my self care routine to keep me sane and in a good headspace after baby is born?

[NewbieToThis]

Silly post I know and with worse going on in the world I shouldn’t allow myself to get annoyed about my hair being partly fried with bleach damage before I’m about to have my baby next month but I am. I love my hairdresser she does an amazing job getting my hair as blonde as it is but I think because I’ve had it bleached/highlighted so many times during this pregnancy (and the first 3 times by a different hairdresser) and because the high lift colour was pulled through to the ends to get rid of dull blonde the last time I had it done which was last week parts of my hair have had it. I’ve had several inches cut off my hair during the times I’ve got my hair lightened which is fine but I’m going to need at least 2 inches cut off next time I have my roots done right before my baby is born. I’ve ordered olaplex no 3 to help build my hair back up. I plan on still just having my roots done but nothing done to the ends. I’m just annoyed as my baby is due and I’m worried how I’ll still have the time to do my self care to help my mental health. I have a very supportive husband and good people around but I’m the type of person who overthinks and thinks I’ll not get the time. My appearance being bad really affects my mental health so I’m praying the olaplex treatments do the trick and that extra two inches gets rid of a lot of it. My hair is shoulder blade length.

I know I’m going to get a lot of people telling me to go back my natural colour but my natural colour is disgusting and because I’m not naturally pretty I need a bright colour to perk my complexion up. I know a lot of people will say I’ll not care when baby is here but I know myself that I will. What should I do?

Indeed. She just goes on about self tanning, fat freezing and lip filler, while some posters continue to insist that it is every mother's right to look good. Sure. But after mental health.

OP I think I've said this on every thread of yours I've seen, but I'm going to say it again:

Show your posts to a professional and get some help, now.

Can you not see that even when you try to backtrack and minimise what you've said, it still comes across as very worrying to the ordinary people reading the thread? The way you are talking, even when you try to minimise what you said, is not in the normal range. You need help and it will be easier to get it now than later, as you can access it via perinatal care.

I'm sure you won't but I needed to say it.

Fillers and fakery don't even look good, it's giving a TOWIE vibe to me.

You’ll be lucky if you get dressed once you’ve had your baby 😆 then you’ll get baby sick down your top and really hair will be the least of your worries. Tie it up and sort it once things have calmed down a bit. I have always taken care of my hair, but really after birth you will have bigger fish to fry for a bit.

This is insane

I beg people to please RTFT. This is way past normal worries about appearance or self care, OP talks about putting her baby in care if she can't do her makeup and YouTube videos.

My baby is 9 weeks and while OP does have some serious issues she needs to face regarding her mental health and body dysmorphia, I don't get posters saying you'll never be dressed etc. I have had a shower every day since my baby was born. I have gotten dressed every day (bar when I want a pj day of course, but I've still showered and changed into fresh pj), washed and dried my hair every third day (required for medical condition). If baby too fussy, DH has baby while I shower/wash and dry hair. Yes I do get vomit in my hair, yes sometimes I hold a wee in because baby just fell asleep in my arms, but I have always been able to meet my basic hygiene needs. As I mentioned, I've even had a quick haircut! I still always put baby first and he's EBF.

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

I have had four children and I never had any trouble getting showered and dressed each day. Sometimes, when they were very young babies, I wasn't dressed until late morning, but I got the babies into a routine fairly quickly, and I also EBF.

I have never understood posters who take their babies into the bathroom with them, either. I just showered after the babies had gone down for the night (6 - 7pm) and sometimes while they were having their morning or afternoon naps.

I didn't do contact naps. I would have gone mad if I'd had to hold my babies 24/7. But they were fully breastfed and cuddled a great deal. I put them in their cots awake, so that they learned to fall asleep.

(Actually, I didn't do that with my first baby, but I learned from my mistakes with the next three! I fed my first baby to sleep and I do not recommend it).

If this is your first baby you're in for a revelation. Good luck.

That would not have worked for mine. He screamed if he was put down on his back, as in working himself into a state screaming. I got a few minutes if he was on his front.

I swaddled mine.

I tried that, it didn't work and seemed to make him more upset. He hated being on his back awake, even when being held.

Some babies do need to be taken into the bathroom, worn in a wrap or carrier for naps, and can be rarely put down for longer than a few minutes. Mine was like that for five months until he crawled and turned from angry baby to mostly happy baby overnight. Its not forever, you just get on with it.

@10ThousandSpoons

exactly! Brushing your teeth and showering are essential person hygiene things , they are non negotiable.

Lots of people struggle to do them due to depression, ill health etc. That's why it's important to make time and sometimes effort to do the BASIC SELFCARE

This op is so deluded about life after a baby and her priorities are all wrong.
She starts thread after thread about hair, tanning, time to herself which do nothing but stir the pot on Mumsnet and get us at each others throats

Exactly. Anyone who is unable to do that is in need of an intervention of some kind. They certainly don't qualify as 'self care' imo.

Hi @NewbieToThis You seem to spend a lot of your time thinking of many, many worst case scenarios. Please try not to do that- you will probably need help to stop but you'd be so much happier if you stopped.

Putting your kid in foster care wouldn't be the salve you think it is- I don't think SS would let you just see the kid whenever you feel up to it, permanently. Eventually they'd think there needed to be a more permanent solution to your not being able to care for your child. It could backfire badly. x

But I don't think any of it would happen. What you're effectively doing is constantly showing yourself horror films.

@ElizabethCage

what an awful post

do you feel better now after denigrating a vulnerable struggling pregnant woman??

@ElizabethCage that's so unnecessarily spiteful.

Not spiteful at all. Read all her previous posts where her disability is partial sightedness but she’d rather have the baby adopted than separate the dogs (she’s worried she’ll trip over them) or how she resents the baby because she wants to vape or all the posts about if the baby is autistic or disabled he’ll be gone. Erm then there’s the ones saying he’d better be sleep trained by 6 months or else, the expectation that everyone will raise this baby but her and her partner will provide some care. It’s a complete pity fest with absolutely no concern over her baby at all.

You'll be ok. I never "let myself go" when I had my babies. If it's important you you'll find the time to do your self care routines.

For what it's worth I think alot of the comments are unkind and I understand how you feel.

@ElizabethCage

i think Op just needs a bit of reassurance that you don’t need to ‘let yourself go’ when you become a mum and that you can still devote time to yourself and your appearance. Many women do.