AIBU to be annoyed my hair has been damaged before I’m about to give birth. Also worrying about how I’ll still manage my self care routine to keep me sane and in a good headspace after baby is born?

[NewbieToThis]

Silly post I know and with worse going on in the world I shouldn’t allow myself to get annoyed about my hair being partly fried with bleach damage before I’m about to have my baby next month but I am. I love my hairdresser she does an amazing job getting my hair as blonde as it is but I think because I’ve had it bleached/highlighted so many times during this pregnancy (and the first 3 times by a different hairdresser) and because the high lift colour was pulled through to the ends to get rid of dull blonde the last time I had it done which was last week parts of my hair have had it. I’ve had several inches cut off my hair during the times I’ve got my hair lightened which is fine but I’m going to need at least 2 inches cut off next time I have my roots done right before my baby is born. I’ve ordered olaplex no 3 to help build my hair back up. I plan on still just having my roots done but nothing done to the ends. I’m just annoyed as my baby is due and I’m worried how I’ll still have the time to do my self care to help my mental health. I have a very supportive husband and good people around but I’m the type of person who overthinks and thinks I’ll not get the time. My appearance being bad really affects my mental health so I’m praying the olaplex treatments do the trick and that extra two inches gets rid of a lot of it. My hair is shoulder blade length.

I know I’m going to get a lot of people telling me to go back my natural colour but my natural colour is disgusting and because I’m not naturally pretty I need a bright colour to perk my complexion up. I know a lot of people will say I’ll not care when baby is here but I know myself that I will. What should I do?

Book your hair appointments now and put them on the calendar and in your phone. That will make you feel calmer.

Also buy the hair and beauty products now that you will need for the next 6 months or so.

You are going to be fine. Sounds like you have a plan for your hair to repair the damage and get it looking the way you want. You can definitely leave your baby with your partner/ mum/ friend while you go to the salon, or you can book someone to come round your home if you prefer. I don't know why people are being uppity with you. I get that at a time when your body and life feel a bit out of control, you want your hair looking good so you can feel good about yourself. x

I couldn't afford the cost of such regular hair treatment once I had children. Seeing my hair looking rubbish in-between made me feel worse so I went back to my natural colour in 2020. Actually now I am older my complexion has changed and my natural colour looks better now anyway.

You've an exhausting back history of posts. Hair worries. Fake tan worries. Work worries. Bonding worries. Thinking about fostering for your unborn child for when it all goes wrong.

Pretty much every post you make turns out as you BU. Which isnt fair because clearly you've stuff going on that's far more complex a resolution than posting on MN.

You cant keep lurching from crisis to crisis - be they big or small or real or perceived. So please get help. Start with your GP and health visitor.

What should I do?

Sincerely, get some therapy so your self esteem and mental health isn't linked to your physical appearance.

Please please stop doing anything to your hair while you’re pregnant. You’re going to destroy it.

Indeed! 😵‍💫

I found going back to my natural base colour helped alot. Then I just had a few thin blonde highlights every 3 months. I found the whole maintenance too much, with being light blonde after 2 kids. Make your life easier. By the way, lots of hair will fall out after the baby. No-one told me and I cried! It was all fine and grew back.

That's extremely sad that you count those things as self care.

That's basic hygiene.

Due to complications I didn't do anything with my hair all pregnancy, ended up near my ass 😂 I realised quickly after birth that wasn't going to work so had my hair done at 4 weeks, cut several inches off. Was only a half hour cut, DH walked baby around the block in case needed feeding. I strongly advise giving yourself a break. You lose hair post partum, you'll lose more if it's damaged. Try find a kinder colour for your hair. No bleach, but doesn't have to be natural colour. Or brighten your natural colour with highlights that have less maintainance. When your hair has had a break you can decide to go back to bleaching on much healthier hair if you choose.

Really? I managed to shower in the morning, get properly dressed and ate 3 meals a day when DD was tiny.

@NewbieToThis I have a pixie cut so I am at the hairdressers on average every 5 weeks. And I managed that with DD being breastfed. I scheduled my appointments on a Saturday morning, DH was around the corner in a coffee shop with her where I could bf if needed afterwards.

I don‘t know about bleach/dye but your hair will change and you may need to accept a different colour for a while.

To the posters being gleefully mean to OP, why? Most of us can understand that our hair is a major source of self esteem, and issues with our hair, whether hair loss, greying, dandruff etc, they all get us down. Especially post partum when everything else can feel broken, it's just one less thing to feel yuck about.

OP, I get it. You want a low maintenance hair style that will make you feel good even when you're surviving on little sleep. My hair didn't fall out post partum. I had no hair changes with either of my babies. I'd recommend you invest in some lovely smelling hair products that you can use on a regular basis. To those saying you can never shower etc, I never experienced that either! Wash your hair daily if you like, baby will sleep!

Sometimes I think it's great the world has moved to a place where mental health is now recognised and supported more than it ever has been.

But sometimes, I honestly think it isn't a card to just let our worries and anxieties take over our lives and no one can say anything because you know, mental health.

I think there are times we can all look at ourselves and try to snap out of it. And that's just as healthy as giving in to every anxiety.

This feels like one of those times. Although I know I will be told no one can tell someone else what to worry about or not, sometimes common sense just has to prevail.

Also - don't listen to anyone telling you you'll get nothing done with a newborn. My life didn't change much at all and it was so easy. Not the same for everyone but neither is it being hard the same for all!

Forgive me if I am talking nonsense, @NewbieToThis - I’ve never used a hair mask so I don’t know how they work - but I think you will find it easier to find time to use them once the baby is here than you think.

I assume that you out one on, then leave it to soak in before rinsing it out - so two fairly quick processes, with a stretch of time in between, when you can sit and feed the baby. It is a long long time since I had a new born, but I think I could have managed that.

I do agree with a number of posters on here - it is pretty awful that basic hygiene is being sold to women as self care - but I do think there are ways to make the basic hygiene into a more ‘self caring’ thing - having some really nice shower gel, shampoo and conditioner - something a bit more luxurious than your normal stuff.

Editing to add - when people say you lose a lot of hair after you give birth - don’t worry - you lose a lot less hair while you are pregnant, and then it all comes out once the baby is born, so it looks like a lot, but it is just 9 months of normal loss, over a short time.

I thought you weren’t supposed to bleach your hair when pregnant, I always wondered why. Have I just made that up?

Well that depends. I hate going to the hairdresser and it certainly isn't a treat, I do it because I have to. One good thing in lockdown was it didn't matter and I went months and months without the ordeal.

I imagine most of these women have selfish unsupportive partners who don't allow them to take care of themselves so they are taking their bitterness out on OP because god forbid a woman wants to take care of her appearance and feel good post baby🙄

I’ve just realised what poster this is. The one whose friend’s parents are already making sure their DC doesn’t get pulled into helping OP too much with the baby.

Agree with all of the above

Babies vary. I've had four, the easy one and the one that wouldn't sleep, would be totally hysterical if put down and the ones in the middle.

You can’t control mental health with hair dye.

You can get a mobile hairdresser if it’s more convenient with a small baby.

I didn't say it was shallow or silly. I have lotions and potions myself I'm not sneering AT ALL. I know you can get your hair done when you have a baby. I would actively encourage OP to do so when baby is 4 months old say, to get out the house without baby can be a massive step.

All I am saying is self care as a term is wildly misused.

Hair is just dead keratin though
just hanging dead keratin

Rubbish. This is basic hygiene, and it being dressed up as “self care” is the reason so many new mum’s are miserable.

Hygiene is self care. Surely the expectation that self care should involve high beauty standards like immaculate nails and coloured hair is far more likely to make new mums insecure and miserable than saying 'Look after yourself, have a nice bath etc'? The last thing I was worrying about when heavily pregnant or with a newborn was what colour my hair was!

How is it sad. Yes those things are basic hygiene. And a lot of people struggle to do them. Along with going outside. Eating a nourishing diet.