AIBU to be annoyed my hair has been damaged before I’m about to give birth. Also worrying about how I’ll still manage my self care routine to keep me sane and in a good headspace after baby is born?

[NewbieToThis]

Silly post I know and with worse going on in the world I shouldn’t allow myself to get annoyed about my hair being partly fried with bleach damage before I’m about to have my baby next month but I am. I love my hairdresser she does an amazing job getting my hair as blonde as it is but I think because I’ve had it bleached/highlighted so many times during this pregnancy (and the first 3 times by a different hairdresser) and because the high lift colour was pulled through to the ends to get rid of dull blonde the last time I had it done which was last week parts of my hair have had it. I’ve had several inches cut off my hair during the times I’ve got my hair lightened which is fine but I’m going to need at least 2 inches cut off next time I have my roots done right before my baby is born. I’ve ordered olaplex no 3 to help build my hair back up. I plan on still just having my roots done but nothing done to the ends. I’m just annoyed as my baby is due and I’m worried how I’ll still have the time to do my self care to help my mental health. I have a very supportive husband and good people around but I’m the type of person who overthinks and thinks I’ll not get the time. My appearance being bad really affects my mental health so I’m praying the olaplex treatments do the trick and that extra two inches gets rid of a lot of it. My hair is shoulder blade length.

I know I’m going to get a lot of people telling me to go back my natural colour but my natural colour is disgusting and because I’m not naturally pretty I need a bright colour to perk my complexion up. I know a lot of people will say I’ll not care when baby is here but I know myself that I will. What should I do?

I don’t really have that sharp of a jawline so need bronzer to contour it. I will be planning on getting super skinny after this baby is born to combat this and to avoid the need of getting fat freezing treatment on it

Who says sharp jawlines are attractive? 😮 I bet no-one else notices your ‘faults’. Look at some models with the same critical eye you use on yourself - go on, literally do it. You’ll see some have ‘big’ nose, some have ‘tiny’ lips, some have soft jawlines, some have hooded eyes - yet these are all women who make money from how they look. Why? Because we are more than the sum of our parts.

I really recommend talking to a counsellor. It’s horrible to see such self-criticism. If you can improve your confidence, it will help your child enormously too.

I showered mine with me most of the time as he couldn't be put down without screaming. I saved the goodwill for help when I needed both hands to wash my hair.

I manage to get my hair done every couple of months with a 9 month old! Like you say, just ask DH to have the baby for a few hours. It’s important to have a break from time to time, and there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to look like shit just because you’ve had a baby 😂 self care is important and it’s much more than just managing to find the time to shower and brush teeth.

I’ve switched from highlights to balayage as it needs to be refreshed less often and is a more natural look. I book a cut and toner in between colourings to maintain the blonde and use Olaplex with a hair mask once a week ☺️

100% this! I don’t understand people who say they can’t find the time to shower, I popped mine in the bouncer and brought her in to the bathroom with me when she was little

You can only do what you can do for it @NewbieToThis . I just had mine bleached twice to strip red out and it was literally cutting itself when the hairdresser combed it through.

It'll grow back. Yours will too eventually. Keep eating a multivitamin and mineral (whatever you're allowed while breastfeeding if you're going to try that) and plenty of healthy fats.

I wasn't blessed with kids so your worry is perfectly reasonable to me, despite people saying you won't worry about it. But it'll sort itself out in the end xx

Healthy natural hair will always look better than bleached blond, same as healthy natural skin looks better than caked on makeup. You have become used to your 'usual look' and depend on it staying the same, to feel good. A bit of makeup can enhance your features, but try to work out a quick easy routine. You seem convinced you need to be blond to be acceptable, could you gradually reduce the amount of bleach needed, and go for a colour nearer to your natural look, so that you are not constantly damaging your hair as you get older.
I am sure that you are more attractive than you think, without all the crap that social media tells you that you need!

@MumblesParty
No I'm not saying that, but the similar vein is in all these threads, race to the bottom of who takes the least care of themselves because of their baby,
Women claiming they can't even shower or not had night out in years.
Your life isn't over because you have kids, plenty manage to keep up with everything.

@PollyPeep @pumpkinpiee Yep I don't have kids but showering only takes a few mins. So a baby cries for a few mins- it won't kill it. They cry all the time anyway.

I tried this, he screamed. I preferred showering with a happy baby than showering listening to a screaming baby.

Your posts are deeply concerning and you need some help. fat freezing treatment? what even...

High lift tint contains bleach. Basically anything that lightens your hair contains bleach. Hair changes during pregnancy and becomes more porous which might be the cause of the damage. I do think your colour is quite difficult to maintain but even so I’m not sure I’d go back to the hairdresser who damaged your hair.

Please don't plan to get super skinny after your baby is born.

I didn’t dare dye my blonde highlighted hair when pregnant - I was worried of any adverse effects on the baby they warn you about. You seem to have your priorities completely wrong. I just grew my colour out and got it done once the little chap was here. Not the end of the world.

I agree. Hair colour 'disgusting', wants to change skin colour, fake lips (what was 'horrendous' about them?), would like different eyes, a different jaw... This isn't about 'self-care' at all, it's a mental health issue.

This I thought it was going to be more about just your hair colour.

Yes. We are enabling the OP by making suggestions about her hair colour. This is body dysmorphia if you read her updates.

Mine cried everytime I put them down

@Kalevala My hair was naturally brown when I was younger and I thought it was well fugly, I never have it brown.

Not all of us are naturally conventionally attractive.

I agree that OP probably is more attractive than she thinks she is, though. I don't think she necessarily has body dysmorphia but that is real, plus a lot of us get down on ourselves because of how others look on social media etc (which is often not 100% real anyway.)

I'd have everything done if I could afford it.

My baby is exactly 6 months old now and I’m also experiencing the dreaded postpartum hair fall (argh, will it end soon?!).

That’s the one reason why I haven’t got my hair dyed (semi permanent tint) for ages - and I didn’t dare do it pregnancy as I thought it could be bad for the baby. I’m 35 and have a few greys now so it’s a bit annoying.

I would forget about bleaching it for a while TBH, for its long term health you don’t want to stress your scalp and hair during this time. Think bigger picture.

Congrats btw.

My dd did what you did and her hair was frazzled. Anyways about 2 years ago she had balyage and it lasts ages looks much better to. I have full head blonde highlights and simular length to you. Less stressful with highlights xx

THIS.

We recognise you from all your other concerning posts OP.

Many times you've been told to speak to your health visitor and GP. Have you done this?

I think your baby is due March if I can remember.

Your posts are concerning. Irrelevant and trivial things right down to giving your child up to foster care if they don't immediately fit into your life or have any disabilities.

And also expecting your friend to dedicate lots of time to you.

Again, kindly OP, you need help or I feel you will struggle even more.

Are these thoughts about your appearance upsetting and intrusive, OP? I have been diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder and of course I may be overreaching here, but the way you criticise yourself resonates with me when I was in the depths of the disorder. I often fixate on one thing, but another time, it will be a different body part. Can you talk about these feelings you are having with someone you’re close to? My disorder tends to kick in when I am overwhelmed with anxiety about something.

What does everything 'done' mean? Do you mean plastic surgery or having substances injected into your face?

that is real, plus a lot of us get down on ourselves because of how others look on social media etc (which is often not 100% real anyway.)

Admittedly I am old and had my DC before social media became popular, but I don't think obsessing over your hair
your jaw
your lips
your body size
hoping to get super skinny
before you have a new baby is quite normal, realistic or advisable.

I think if I list everything maybe I would encourage OP but yeah, I have everything I can afford and would have more stuff done if I could afford it :)