House Guest

[Vengroupthree]

Morning,

A friend of mine asked if he could stay for 2 weeks due to work commitments in the city I live in.

He has gone into his office twice and the rest of the time has wfh in my flat.

Whilst its been great to see him, I am puzzled at the cooking arrangements!

I've cooked dinner a couple of times and got us a takeaway once, the rest of the time by the time I get home he has cooked for himself using my food and makes nothing for me !

Also makes his own cooked breakfast , but won't offer to make me any, if I was cooking I just would as a matter of course

Aibu or is he trying to be self sufficient maybe ?

He has gone food shopping once and bought things for himself after my stuff ran out

He's also using a shit load of electric got his laptop. Proper CF this one

Come on op, either this is a wind up or you have a martyr complex

I'd have the bill ready before they leave!

How well do you know them?

What a CF! He’s obviously just needing a break from his parents house.
Tell him what he owes you for everything he’s used up so far, and that he either contributes for the next week by cooking for you both, cleaning up after himself providing the food that he cooks, and buying the wine, or he finds a hotel today.

I would give him a list of exactly what you want him to buy and send him back to the shops and tell him to buy his own food for the next week while he’s there.
Cheeky is too light a word to describe what he’s doing.
What a nerve.
Tight git.

So what did he say when you 'had a word'?

Why haven't you told him how rude and thoughtless he is being?

You're terribly sorry, but your parents/ gran/ pet hamster is about to descend. Let me help you pack.

Just say it's not working for you and he'll need to find a hotel for the next week, he's totally taking the piss out of you.

Why the hell haven't you given him a specific list, asked for the money, or told him to get out then?

YABU he's taking the piss because you are letting him

And if he's working in your flat that's YOUR utilities!!

I bet he's got an allowance and he's pocketed the lot?

Why the hell are you being such a mug?

I despair, I really do

Oh, and he's no 'house guest' either

Just not thinking age 44 is completely taking the piss. He doesn't get a free pass because being considerate and having some basic manners haven't occurred to him at his advanced age (which I doubt! given not EVEN washing up his solo meals!) He's seeing what he can get away with and imposing on your good nature "because friends right?" It boils down to you are expected to let him behave as he wants without question or he will think it's a breach of friend protocol. Consciously or not he's using you to continue saving for his deposit while he's in your home and at your expense.

Tell him straight out that his provisions are inadequate as they are not of the standard as the one's he's used without asking.
Tell him using your food without asking and cooking just for himself is the height of bad manners.
Decide what you want.
Is it.. some better manners and more consideration?

If you can have this conversation and he realises and tries to make up for his behaviour, well and good. Tell him he's paying for tonights take away for both and washing up afterwards
If he gets the huff or doesn't accept he's at fault... it would be, eat out, finish the week and shove off from me.
We had someone take advantage of us in exactly the same way in the past for much longer and in a more disruptive way, but we are still friends ( mainly because their partner, who is lovely, smoothed things over for them) but reading your post, I wish I'd been assertive enough to have had a frank talk at the time.

No way, he's completely taking the piss, and at 44 he is old enough to know exactly what he's doing and take on board what you're saying.

Are you brave enough to confront him and lay it all out, and list every single liberty he's taken and watch him squirm or strop (cos it'll be only one of those two reactions!)? It doesn't have to be angry, but it does have to be firm.

'I've been kind enough to let you stay here but seriously, you're taking the piss. I did you a favour, and you're eating all my food, never offer to make me what you're already cooking, replacing what you've taken with cheap shite substitute and can't even lower yourself to do the washing up. WTF do you think you're doing?'

He has put his washing in the washing machine for when I do a wash

To be honest I only got irritated when he cooked himself a full English and didn't even ask him me if I wanted something

I'm at work all day so weekdays gone before he is up and back after he eats dinner evidently unless I'm cooking or buying

@Vengroupthree why on earth are you being so passive? Why aren't you telling him to either pay you for the groceries he's used and be self sufficient going forward, or asking him to leave?

His poor, poor parents!

@Vengroupthree omg I’d be hopping mad

I'd tell him to take his dirty washing out of the machine as you are not his mother. Throw the loaf and crappy spread in the bin and tell him you don't eat that crap and he owes you, and he needs to go and find a hotel.

Take his washing out of the machine and put it on his bed. His mummy can do it for him.

Tell him to get out of your house and move into a hotel. What a complete pisstaker!

No thats totally out of order from him. I have had lodgers many years and i would not accept that. Personally and politely i would ask him if hes ok and does he think its acceptable to eat your food and not even cook you any. Disgusting hes not a nice person i could vacate him immediately

And he'd be buying and replacing the ingredients like for like before he left. I hate people like him.

For the next week don’t buy any food for home at all and get yourself food to take into the office.
Eat every single meal out of the house and let him fend for himself.

I’d be tempted to ring his mum/dad and say what does knob head normally eat at home because he seems to think you buy cheap bread and spread and he’s not so much as bought a meal all week?
I mean if he’s acting like a dc treat him like one.

You write him a shopping list and tell him to get it. Also read the riot act about leaving your home a mess.

Better still tell him it's not working and he needs to leave. Please don't be such a doormat!

He's a huge CF.

I bet he has the heating on while you're not there too!

Seriously @Vengroupthree you really do need to be a bit clearer and more assertive to this massively cheeky clingon and either get him to properly step up or go back to his mummy.

At 44 he must be aware that generally you need to pay your way (even at his parents I doubt they get food and energy given to them for free for him to just use as he wants).

He's being more than thoughtless and I really don't know why you are putting up with this entitled behaviour. I wonder if his parents actually wanted a break from him and told him to give them some space either temporarily or permanently. So he's come to you to use your food, gas, electricity, internet, washing machine (except it seems you'll be doing his washing which he "thoughtfully" put in your w/machine).

Why don't you value yourself and your home (which you are working and paying for) higher than this? 🌹