House Guest

[Vengroupthree]

Morning,

A friend of mine asked if he could stay for 2 weeks due to work commitments in the city I live in.

He has gone into his office twice and the rest of the time has wfh in my flat.

Whilst its been great to see him, I am puzzled at the cooking arrangements!

I've cooked dinner a couple of times and got us a takeaway once, the rest of the time by the time I get home he has cooked for himself using my food and makes nothing for me !

Also makes his own cooked breakfast , but won't offer to make me any, if I was cooking I just would as a matter of course

Aibu or is he trying to be self sufficient maybe ?

He has gone food shopping once and bought things for himself after my stuff ran out

I don't understand why it took you so long to say anything. Rather than being wishy washy you need to tell him what you actually want to happen. Do you want him to give you X amount of money or do you want him to buy certain foods.

Also if you are in the habit of saying things that might make it appear that you are happy for him to take advantage then stop. Don't, for example, say "make yourself at home" or "help yourself" when you don't mean it.

You would seriously do this instead of simply asking him to leave? Why?

I really don’t agree this scorched earth approach. No wonder so many lonely people with no mates. This is likely just thoughtlessness and he’d be fine if she stayed with him, in fact he’s simply not thought it through.

there is no need to behave as you suggest. A simple conversation is better and should have been done at the start.

If you are not going to ask him to leave you need to ask him for a contribution to your expenses. 3 weeks full board? Also stop cooking for him and ask him to do the washing up.

I wouldn't get mad I'd get even. Easiest thing to do is get him to do a big shop, with a list of things you need to replace because he ate the lot!

Then go stay with him (if it's a suitable place) for a few days and return the compliment, but I suspect he has nothing in the fridge or cupboards and gets fed at work or gets a lunch voucher or something. Check out his situation first!

Next time he makes a meal for one walk in and say Oh is that a thank you meal for me. How lovely! Then take it out of his hands and walk out.

In two weeks he's gone in to work twice, the rest of the time he's been WFH

I fail to see why he needs to be living at your house at all

I think he’s went in twice in a week. So I guess needs to stay the night after if he works late, and the night before, if he starts early. But I agree I don’t see why he is there the rest of the time inc weekends,

What is his normal living arrangement?

Tell him to replace everything he has eaten!
I bet a tub of Lurpak that he is making money off you.
Remind him you are not a hotel and he needs to wash up.

What did you say? How did he respond? And what is going to change now?

It would be exhausting being this passive aggressive. Best to just be honest with him and ask him to leave.

I chose YABU as it’s ridiculous you’re even having to ask this question. He’s clearly taking the piss. Tell him straight and don’t agree to him staying again.

No way would that lazy sponger be lolling around my place for another week. Tell him to eff off, OP. Make up an excuse if you must, but I'd be tempted just to tell the truth because the friendship would be over for me anyway after that level of piss-taking.

At home with parents !

Aww he thinks you are his mum. Seriously tell him he’s a cheeky fucker and to replace all your food and wash up immediately.

I don’t think another week is necessarily inevitable tbh. You have a choice op and so does he in that there are such things as budget hotels.

1 I think he’s a cf in the first place for asking to impose on a friend for a fortnight. 3 days possibly. Not 14 days. Unless he is going through some appalling crisis.

2 To mislead you or not be clear about wfh is also very poor manners

3 To not wash up, or offer to share food he has cooked, and not go out and buy groceries for the household during his stay, is also very rude and selfish and penny pinching indeed.

All you need to say op is “sorry friend but this arrangement isn’t working for me, could you please make alternative arrangements”. (Explain reasons above if he asks why.)

He’s either had a mother that did everything for him, and genuinely is young or clueless and hasn’t been taught good manners, or he is a knowing Scrooge who takes advantage.

If you speak up you will be doing him a favour, and the rest of womanhood a favour, because he will learn an important lesson about not taking friendship for granted and not expecting women to do him favours without contributing anything himself. Tosser! Sorry op, I know he’s your friend but this is about basic manners. Does he think gracing you with his scintillating presence is enough recompense?

How bloody rude is he?! Why are you asking here, you should be asking him?

Say no more!

Warn him that if he treats any future girl/boyfriends like this, je might find himself being mysterouly dumped early doors

Bought a cheap loaf of white bread and some revolting spread from the pound shop! Had to laugh

And this is not a wind up I promise

He is 44. Lives with folks as saving for a deposit , I think it's just thoughtless and at home all food provided so doesn't think

44!!! Bloody hell, I assumed he was in his 20s and a late developer. You really need to tell him you're not his Mum (😲) - plus his parents must be in their 60s at least, ask how much he does to help them?

No, not thoughtless.

An absolute USER.

NO decent person would arrive empty handed and not go food shopping.

He is talking you for a mug.

44?? 🫨😯😵‍💫😵

Have another word, a ‘look let’s lay down ground rules so neither of us kills each other’ (tinkly laugh;)). Do you want to cook dinner every second day and breakfast the odd morning or what way do you want to do this?’