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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House Guest

364 replies

Vengroupthree · 11/02/2024 08:20

Morning,

A friend of mine asked if he could stay for 2 weeks due to work commitments in the city I live in.

He has gone into his office twice and the rest of the time has wfh in my flat.

Whilst its been great to see him, I am puzzled at the cooking arrangements!

I've cooked dinner a couple of times and got us a takeaway once, the rest of the time by the time I get home he has cooked for himself using my food and makes nothing for me !

Also makes his own cooked breakfast , but won't offer to make me any, if I was cooking I just would as a matter of course

Aibu or is he trying to be self sufficient maybe ?

He has gone food shopping once and bought things for himself after my stuff ran out

OP posts:
Heythrop84 · 12/02/2024 20:20

He's taking the p*ss! When I was about 4 my parents had a friend to stay for a couple of weeks after he came out of hospital. He was there for over half a year before my mother had enough and chucked him out. When he married a few years ,later they had her ageing mother to come to live with them. Apparently he expected an 80 year old lady to wait on him when he was thirty years younger. Lazy git!

Daisyblue2 · 12/02/2024 20:32

Tell him to leave he is taking advantage of you

GoldEagle · 12/02/2024 20:33

He is taking advantage of your good nature. I would bet anything he is getting a daily monetary allowance from his company which he is pocketing. Its not just food, its heating, electricity, WiFi. It is a wonder he hasn't expected you to do his ironing. I would give him an ultimatum that he pays his way or he leaves immediately. You are not his mother!

lauram31 · 12/02/2024 20:37

is it at all possible he’s lost his current accommodation and just doesn’t want to tell you that? Long time to ask to stay at someone’s house but not actually go into the office .

when you leave for work leave a note saying …. Hey been great having you however I will need you to do a shop as unfortunately in current climate I can’t afford to feed another person , also would appreciate it if you pay some money towards bills for the two weeks your here as will be using more with you here .

Supernova23 · 12/02/2024 20:56

Not read all the posts but the moment he touched my food without asking, I’d be showing him the door. That’s not a friend, that’s a thief.

Havinganamechange · 12/02/2024 21:37

I’m sorry OP but your so called friend is taking the piss. Using your electricity, your home as a virtual office and using all your food but not offering to cook for you? You must be kidding me right, CF and major piss taker!

dandeliondandy · 12/02/2024 22:27

Vengroupthree · 11/02/2024 08:20

Morning,

A friend of mine asked if he could stay for 2 weeks due to work commitments in the city I live in.

He has gone into his office twice and the rest of the time has wfh in my flat.

Whilst its been great to see him, I am puzzled at the cooking arrangements!

I've cooked dinner a couple of times and got us a takeaway once, the rest of the time by the time I get home he has cooked for himself using my food and makes nothing for me !

Also makes his own cooked breakfast , but won't offer to make me any, if I was cooking I just would as a matter of course

Aibu or is he trying to be self sufficient maybe ?

He has gone food shopping once and bought things for himself after my stuff ran out

I do wonder if he is claiming some sort of subsistence/per diem allowance too at the same time as eating you out of house and home?

DahliaRose3 · 12/02/2024 22:51

Glad you got it sorted.

Sounds like he's rather oblivious: which yes, it can happen.

MrsHGWells · 12/02/2024 22:52

Ask him to complete a checking- out survey when he pays for his staycation… what a cheeky feeker!
appalling guest not to at least off to chip in for groceries.. or make you coffee & cooked breakfast..

DriftingDora · 12/02/2024 22:58

Sounds like he'd be no loss to your life whatsoever, so what have you got to lose by just being straight with him? For goodness sake, what kind of 'friend' stays and contributes nothing, eats you out of house and home, cooks their own food and doesn't offer any to you? Why have you been a mug and allowed this man to walk all over you? PS: And the buying you a few gifts and doing a shop is a joke; if you hadn't mentioned using up the bread and the butter you bet your life he wouldn't have bought anything at all. I bet what he bought was no where near the cost of what he's already eaten. If he's getting an accommodation allowance from his firm he's probably still made money. What a tightwad.

OneLilacCrow · 12/02/2024 23:25

Why do you even need to ask? Of course you are not being unreasonable!! Get him out of your flat as quickly as you can. He is behaving appallingly and you are ridiculous to tolerate it.
You need to tell him that you expect him to pay for the food of yours which he has already eaten. You are not providing free board and lodging. Who needs ‘friends’ like him anyway?

IainTorontoNSW · 13/02/2024 04:25

In the words of the great movie "COOL HAND LUKE", what you have there is a FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE.

Time to wear your arse-kicking shoes and be ready to use them if he can't share his raison d'etre.

Dibbydoos · 13/02/2024 04:34

How rude.

You need to talk to him - he needs to replace your food so make sure he does. He needs to cough up for a take away and cook several meals for you.

With his working pattern, he really doesn't need to be at yours does he? So why's he staying with you?

Newestname002 · 13/02/2024 05:50

@Vengroupthree

For goodness sake, what kind of 'friend' stays and contributes nothing, eats you out of house and home, cooks their own food and doesn't offer any to you?

Using YOUR own food you'd already bought and paid for..

This man is behaving like a leech and you seem content for him to behave in any other way. If you don't like this situation you need to speak up clearly or you're just setting a precedent for future bad behaviour. 🌹

hopscotcher · 13/02/2024 05:54

I'd have made it clear when they moved in that they needed to buy their own food, but if it turned out that wasn't clear I'd say it again later. "Could you buy your own food and not eat mine please?" It's odd and rude to think that eating someone else's stuff without checking WOULD be ok.

Easipeelerie · 13/02/2024 08:38

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 11/02/2024 08:42

Sorry OP but this is your doing. You should have laid the ground rules before he came to stay, not just expected certain behaviours.

I don’t agree. How could she have k own that a full grown adult who she considered to be a friend, would behave so rudely?

PBJsandwich123 · 13/02/2024 09:32

At my work if you use a friend's house to stay in instead of a hotel for a work trip, work will pay the friend £30 a night.

SausageRoll5862 · 13/02/2024 10:00

Kick out the selfish user and don't ever have him back!

ArchetypalBusyMum · 13/02/2024 10:03

PBJsandwich123 · 13/02/2024 09:32

At my work if you use a friend's house to stay in instead of a hotel for a work trip, work will pay the friend £30 a night.

Same here, if you use a friend's house you take them for dinner on expenses. Win win win! Cheaper for the company, fun for me and friend

Starzinsky · 13/02/2024 10:44

Does this guy usually live at home with his Mum?

CasperGutman · 13/02/2024 10:54

SulkySeagull · 11/02/2024 08:29

If he needs to be in your town due to work and his work is office based then they need to pay for hotel and food, not just expect that he has someone who can put him up locally.

Say to him - you cheeky git stop eating all my food and go and buy your own!

This. Employers will generally pay expenses if someone has to work away from their home office. Some will pay a per diem allowance as an alternative to seeing receipts and reimbursing expenses.

Is it possible he's being cheekier than you realise, and claiming from his employer as well as leeching off you?

OneMoreTime23 · 13/02/2024 10:55

CasperGutman · 13/02/2024 10:54

This. Employers will generally pay expenses if someone has to work away from their home office. Some will pay a per diem allowance as an alternative to seeing receipts and reimbursing expenses.

Is it possible he's being cheekier than you realise, and claiming from his employer as well as leeching off you?

Show quote history

He can’t do that through for WFH.

WhyWhyY · 13/02/2024 11:40

Vengroupthree · 11/02/2024 08:20

Morning,

A friend of mine asked if he could stay for 2 weeks due to work commitments in the city I live in.

He has gone into his office twice and the rest of the time has wfh in my flat.

Whilst its been great to see him, I am puzzled at the cooking arrangements!

I've cooked dinner a couple of times and got us a takeaway once, the rest of the time by the time I get home he has cooked for himself using my food and makes nothing for me !

Also makes his own cooked breakfast , but won't offer to make me any, if I was cooking I just would as a matter of course

Aibu or is he trying to be self sufficient maybe ?

He has gone food shopping once and bought things for himself after my stuff ran out

Wow okay. I mean I can’t say much my partner is a bit of a manchild with this but my friends?!

unless they were buying food in to replace I wouldn’t expect them to use mine and not make me some (that’s the pivotal part they are my friend I want them to eat but not whilst I go hungry)

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 13/02/2024 12:05

Easipeelerie · 13/02/2024 08:38

I don’t agree. How could she have k own that a full grown adult who she considered to be a friend, would behave so rudely?

Show quote history

Because people can be total CF's. Best to have a breezy conversation in advance for how things will work than having to do all this handwringing now.

browneyes77 · 13/02/2024 12:08

I don’t know how you’ve stayed so calm about this. I’d have lost my shit by now if that was one of my friends! Although I don’t have a single friend that would behave this way!

This is high level cheeky fuckery!

This guy is a man child, who is used to his mother running around after him by the sounds of it. I don’t know how at 44 years old you don’t know how to behave respectfully in someone else’s home.

I wouldn’t be letting him stay again until he learns some bloody manners!

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