House Guest

[Vengroupthree]

Morning,

A friend of mine asked if he could stay for 2 weeks due to work commitments in the city I live in.

He has gone into his office twice and the rest of the time has wfh in my flat.

Whilst its been great to see him, I am puzzled at the cooking arrangements!

I've cooked dinner a couple of times and got us a takeaway once, the rest of the time by the time I get home he has cooked for himself using my food and makes nothing for me !

Also makes his own cooked breakfast , but won't offer to make me any, if I was cooking I just would as a matter of course

Aibu or is he trying to be self sufficient maybe ?

He has gone food shopping once and bought things for himself after my stuff ran out

My eldest brother is like this. Totally self absorbed and selfish. Now what I do is say things like...have I got a disease, make me a cup while you're at it. Don't be such a lazy sod pick your crap up. What am I your nursemaid ?

His mother has obviously enabled his thoughtlessness. And 44 and still like this...wow.

That's so rude! But some people genuinely don't seem to have been taught any manners about being a guest. I'd suggest saying "I'm popping to the shop to get some food, do you mind putting in £50 to cover what you've eaten this week?" and see what his response is.

This is nice to hear! Of course it’s awkward and forced this time, but now he knows how to be a guest for the rest of his life.

You really shouldn’t have even had to ask him to do such obvious things…. He was trying to take advantage of you….. do you think you will remain to be friends when he leaves?

Why can't you ask him to work from his actual home if he is wfh?

He could go tomorrow if you wanted.

Seriously. How much crosser will you be in 7 days?

I don't understand why he is staying another week if he is WFH?! Can't he just WF his actual H with his parents who are evidently prepared to tolerate this behaviour even though he is FORTY BLOODY FOUR

Does he have an ex wife or girlfriend? If he has an ex wife...well now you know why!

Just a bit of a heads up for the incoming week....make sure you leave him a note if you're working all week eg ensure he strips the bed, puts the sheets in the washing machine ( if u want to risk him washing it too..probably not too adept at using the wm) Instructions on hoovering his room and giving the bathroom a clean too. Even if he makes a crap job of it, hopefully he gets the message. If you want to be more forthright, say if you're trying to think of something to get me as a thankyou...I love xxx chocolates and xxx wine. Shame him.

Maybe he is a reasonably decent individual in other ways if he has been a friend for a long time ...he is just a thoughtless and selfish oaf and you are the woman to give him the kick up the behind he really needs.

He can treat you to a takeaway at the very least. How rude of him though before.

Fucking hell, is he like 17 or something?

Just saw your post about his age.
Jeez.

He’s a taker
With another week to go I’d suggest if hes cooking to do enough for both of you. Mention it before you go out in the morning.
If he’s shopping ask him to pick up stuff to restock the now empty shelves.
Just say it. Some people, unfortunately, need to be told what to the rest of us is obvious common decency.

I think the problem is like you said, he loves with parents and therefore doesn’t know / doesn’t think. Not a valid excuse though and good on you Op for calling him up on it as he has to learn at some point!!!

The cheap spread and white bread as replacements for the lurpak and bread of yours that he ate shows you this grifter isn't being thoughtless.

He is using you because he is selfish to the bone and feels entitled to it all.

Please tell him his cheap replacements are unacceptable and you feel massively disrespected and used, and order him out.

Yes to all of that!

Also, does he have any male friends he could have called on in his (alleged) hour of need? Or is it just friends who are women he thinks he can treat as doormats?

I had a flatmate years ago that did this. I remember him telling me he was saving money and taking a pack lunch to work, using my food! That's a real saving. He ate 3x what I did and even suggested we did a combined food shop, er no.

You need to tell him to leave?

Unless you're happy with him taking the piss out of you?

Maybe this has been asked, but why on earth did he move in with you for 2 weeks if he's WFH anyway?!

I'd stay as much out of his way as possible for the next week, so as not to annoy yourself. And then I'd be unavailable next time he requests the pleasure of sponging off you.

Wait- you lost me at wfh….why does he need to stay at yours if he’s mostly wfh?

Also why tf are you letting this man take the blatant piss out of you??? Seriously? Stop being an absolute push over doormat!!

This.

Living freeloading piss taker. Is he broke/ starving/ homeless? Maybe he doesn't even have a job? If it's not that then just tell him to get the flip out. You are tired of him eating all your food and accepting your hospitality while doing nothing. And you did not agree that he would work from 'home' cos it's not his fucking home. And/or make him pay you for the food/gas/electric in one lump sum.

Are you serious, @ORLt ?! Plenty of British born and bred misbehave and are a nightmare to have as guests, etc, etc. And plenty of people born or brought up abroad are lovely to have to have around, great to have as friends, and so on. These things have nothing to do with whether one is born/raised in this country or not.

Great update! Good job you didn't follow some of the advice on here, or you'd have lost a friend who was clearly just a bit thoughtless. Glad all is well.

Oh god

some people are just so unaware of manners

i get that you would want to cook for yourself, maybe he isn’t a good cook or would find cooking for 2 stressful
just benifit of the doubt.

but you are doing his a massive favour. I’d be offering to cook & buy shopping
plus I’d offer to get the 1st takeaway

I may be wrong but I predict he suddenly finds another friend to stay with before it’s his turn to cook!