House Guest

[Vengroupthree]

Morning,

A friend of mine asked if he could stay for 2 weeks due to work commitments in the city I live in.

He has gone into his office twice and the rest of the time has wfh in my flat.

Whilst its been great to see him, I am puzzled at the cooking arrangements!

I've cooked dinner a couple of times and got us a takeaway once, the rest of the time by the time I get home he has cooked for himself using my food and makes nothing for me !

Also makes his own cooked breakfast , but won't offer to make me any, if I was cooking I just would as a matter of course

Aibu or is he trying to be self sufficient maybe ?

He has gone food shopping once and bought things for himself after my stuff ran out

Yes a 44 year old ligger who lives with his parents would have been a great loss.

Blimey. I thought I was a soft touch. Don’t enable this kind of cheeky fuckery op.

So is my brother.

He looks around my kitchen for things to take home. Last time he took a can of coke and a lemon. A bit random! It's not the cost that annoys me, but the assumption that he can just take what he wants.

How are you so calm.OP? He sounds so rude!

I also don’t get how he can claim he needs to stay for work for two weeks but is WFH. Can you not get rid of him sooner?

He is just thoughtless , and I think spoilt at home, good company and if he knows that he needs to wash up after himself etc will do it. Same with food etc, I just don't think he is aware as his Mum does all food shopping and cooking at home.

Man child , he is going into his office next Thursday so I guess saves driving

Well I think you're still being overly generous in the way you are thinking and talking about him, but it's your choice.

He is just thoughtless , and I think spoilt at home, good company and if he knows that he needs to wash up after himself etc will do it. Same with food etc, I just don't think he is aware as his Mum does all food shopping and cooking at home.

Thoughtless, yes. Aware - oh please. He's a middle aged man!

PLEASE don't fucking do his laundry or washing up. and please tell us that he won't be welcomed back?

In my culture, sometimes even the not so close friends can ask so boldly if they can to stay with you, and expectation is that you will serve them. On the other hand, there is also higher likelihood of people going out of the way to be perfect hosts and taken advantage of. Who asks an ex colleague if they can stay with you for 2 weeks in a city like London, where people have smaller places, no extra rooms but some people want to see a happening foreign city with spending bare minimum. Another person stayed with me for 4 days free of cost with not even a small box of chocolate or a cup of coffee to thank. Not to mention people asking you to buy things for them when you go travelling.

Well his mum has spoilt him and made him a very unattractive partner.

I have visions of him using up saucepans for cornflakes, gobbled up with a ladle... that kind of thing. I think that a lazy, entitled arse like him would just not be bothered by what the utensil and food container is.

I think OP should feign an emergency gas leak - they both have to leave IMMEDIATELY, no idea for how long. She should head to the door with him, bag in hand, open it... then shove him out and close it with a slam, putting the deadlock on.

It's non-confrontational as she won't have to speak to him again but it is a bit extreme. I'd just tell him to fuck off.

I can't believe this is actually a friend? OP, do you actually know him very well, or at all?

Sorry, but to me, laying down ‘ground rules’ when a friend comes to stay sounds like off putting bossiness that shouldn’t be necessary. And the OP evidently hadn’t thought it’d be necessary. TBH who would?

So now she needs to do some very blunt talking to a CF who evidently doesn’t know how to behave as a guest in someone else’s house.

Thanks to everyone for their input

I do often have people to stay as live in a big expensive city and have a spare room !

Don't mind as long as they clean up after themselves and treat place with respect

Don't usually feel like I have to set ground rules but proved wrong in this case

Most people are very considerate guests , some like this one not and I realise with him I have to spell out plainly what is acceptable in someone else's home. Finishing food in fridge and freezer without asking and cooking for yourself is not on.

If I was your house guest I would be cooking for you for a few nights and doing a takeaway / dinner out for you for another, and then leaving a goodbye gift. This guy is insane

I know you’ve updated. But I think this post still stands. He has stayed with you all weekend because he’s going into the office on Thursday. That means he will have stayed with you for at least 6 days unnecessarily. What day did he go in last week?

Why can't he do all this work from home at home. And just drive in to the office on the few days he is in the office?

Laying down ground rules doesn't have to be confrontational. It can be done in a gentle, kind way.

Like a poster said upthread, he is very likely claiming food on his expenses, so it sounds like he is using you to live for nothing whilst away, as well as making on expenses.

Wow - so he is 44 and living at home - and he doesn’t do his share of food purchasing, cooking, or washing up?

I’m guessing he is single 😆

I mean I don’t want the kind of friends who need ground rules in behaviour particularly when they’re 44.

That's the least of it!

I can't believe how passive you've been and what you'll continue to put up with!

His father hasn't exactly done a brilliant job either

“Your turn to get us a takeaway tonight’”
”could you pop to the shop and pick up bread, milk, whatever you’d like to cook for us this evening and your breakfast stuff, please?”

At least he's being better now. I had a 'friend' who came to stay a night or 2 after he had broken up with his gf and had no where to stay. I kicked him out after the first day where he criticised the way I did everything then seemed to start making plans to move in until he got 'sorted out' without even asking after I'd been clear 2 night was the longest he could stay and decided I'd have to teach my small kids to give him peace and they were too full on.

Op you need a chat with him re food. No way let him stay another week without buying food

His employer won’t be paying expenses for him for a fortnight if he’s only in the office for 3 days!

Oh wow!

I'd not expect to have to spell out to people I was hosting to be a decent human being and a respectful guest, but I'd not have let it go on this long without saying something!

First day of working from home.
First time he cooked for himself and didn't consider plating some up for me when I got in.
First time he left pots in the sink.

Can't believe someone in their forties is so coddled at home and self centred. 🤯