House Guest

[Vengroupthree]

Morning,

A friend of mine asked if he could stay for 2 weeks due to work commitments in the city I live in.

He has gone into his office twice and the rest of the time has wfh in my flat.

Whilst its been great to see him, I am puzzled at the cooking arrangements!

I've cooked dinner a couple of times and got us a takeaway once, the rest of the time by the time I get home he has cooked for himself using my food and makes nothing for me !

Also makes his own cooked breakfast , but won't offer to make me any, if I was cooking I just would as a matter of course

Aibu or is he trying to be self sufficient maybe ?

He has gone food shopping once and bought things for himself after my stuff ran out

That's not true. I might be in the office for one day but working from a hotel for another couple. I would get expenses for ALL days that I'm not working from my base.

i think i'd be saying to him, 'what are you making me for dinner tonight' and ask he replaces the food he has used for your cupboards. Its bit of a cheek really thinking he can just go about his day and not consider you at all, although he may just be an ignorant selfish person and his behaviour is not odd to him, you may need to spell it out for him.

I would say something. "When you go shopping can you replace my food you ate please". "Next time you are cooking make enough for two and i'll heat it up when I get in". "Your turn to get the takeaway tonight".

The first time he cooked his breakfast and not mine he would have been out on his ear He is a CF

I would get expenses, but I’d still be expected to provide receipts for the amounts that I was claiming. If I wasn’t spending the money (which it sounds like he isn’t) I couldn’t just claim the money and pocket it.

Maybe toast?

Can't believe someone in their forties is so coddled at home and self centred

Sadly, he’s not alone. My ex was like that - totally spoilt and utterly self-centred. He lived at home until his 40s, then moved out - but still spends most of his time at his parents’ house where he takes his washing each week for mummy to do, eats their food and gets them to buy him clothes, etc, ‘because he has no money’ (he has a well-paid professionally job).

These men are largely created by their stupidly indulgent parents.

I like the idea about switching the WiFi off. Tell him it's going to be down for a few days hahaha. He's taking the mick and I'd tell him he needs to pay his way. Literally stop buying food and ask if he wants to take you out for dinner since he ate yours! A friend wouldn't take advantage like that.

Exactly.

Yup - 'broken' wifi is the way to go.

Who stays at someone's house and decides to make a full English with the contents of their host's fridge without including them, then leaves the washing up in the sink and fails to replace the food? Oh and then munches his way through the rest of the cupboards and delves into the freezer!

He's the Very Hungry CheekyFucker.....

Of course he is aware, you don't reach 44 years old and not understand grocery shopping and how much food costs. The work thing is clearly just a ruse, he probably had a falling out with his parents and needed another benefactor to support him for a while. He is using you, and he is not a friend.

Considering this is a convenient for him situation, the finer details should have been agreed beforehand tbh. However, he's being a total arsewipe and you're being a doormat. He's using your electric and heating .. and food! I've been in this situation so often in the past and wish I could go back and right the wrongs. Tell him to cough up some spondoolies. You let him stay with you - you didn't agree to financially support him. What a tosser!

How incredible rude!

Say we’re going out to dinner and you’re paying

You are a generous and forgiving host and I’m very glad he has recognised that (eventually).

FYI. Because I am a chicken and don’t like confrontation, I would have switched off the WIFI and told him there was a break in the cable that the company would take ages to fix. I bet he would have moved on
pretty quick then 😂

I'm staggered that only one person (I'm Camembert the Big Cheese) has pointed out the obvious problem here. OF COURSE you have to set the ground rules before having anyone to stay in your home! OF COURSE you can't assume that everyone thinks the same way that you do! Vengroupthree has just been impossibly naive. The only crime her friend committed was not to ask what the ground rules were. He may be dozy and selfish but he could have been told how to behave on the first day.

Me neither, I would actually have to incur the costs pertinent to the expenses.

What planet that exists in another world are you on? He is lying through his front teeth. If he was a builder and doing a cash-in-hand job and looking for a cheap sofa, I'd understand it. But he has an office he occasionally goes to? I suspect your friend either has relationship issues or has been made bankrupt or has just lost his job or we'll all see his face on Crimewatch soon.

"Time to have the conversation".

Two weeks is a long time for a house guest. Anything longer than a weekend, you discuss how you're going to co-existing in the same space.

He's not that much of a friend if you can't ask him what is going on in his life.

So find out what it is, so you can introduce boundaries. And get a third party family member or friend involved, who will stick up for your rights and respect; and help push your "friend" towards a plan of moving out.

Your second paragraph is the way to go. Un- plug the WiFi anyway, it might shift his arse. Readers, we can all learn from this, if someone asks to stay set the "ground rules" before agreeing to be a host

Bloody hell, has this guy never stayed anywhere away from home before? Or is there a long line of people in his wake all scratching their heads and saying 'what just happened there?' How did he get to this age and not realise how to behave in people's homes?

He's a freeloader. Boot him out

I’ve said you are being unreasonable because you haven’t discussed this with him! If you let people walk all over you then they will!

Another example of kindness taken as weakness

Tell him directly or diplomatically what you think 🧐

We had a family member stay for 10 weeks. This person bought one takeaway for us in this time and made no contribution towards food, just ate ours. We cooked for him approx 5 times a week but received no help tidying away or meals cooked for us! I sympathise with you but wouldn't allow your friend to stay again.

I’d say ‘I’m out of food right now. You’ll have to leave ‘ 🤣🤣