Day after surgery and DH goes out with his mates- I’m fuming! AIBU?

[StonyMum]

So yesterday I had a cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal) under general anaesthetic. Today I’m feeling fairly rubbish, having trouble getting in and out of bed, in quite a lot of pain and am vomiting (which is agony with my wounds)…
Husband was working from home but then at lunchtime said he was taking the afternoon and tomorrow off work so he could go up to Liverpool for a night out with his mate. It’s 2 hours drive away and he’s staying over…
He doesn’t get to see his friend often. He asked if I minded, and I was so shocked he was even considering it that I said it was fine… but I’ve been lying here alone all evening now and getting quite upset. I feel really abandoned and vulnerable. He made sure I had a drink and some snacks in reach before he left, but I still had to navigate getting downstairs to let the dog out for a wee and crawl back up again… the kids are both away at uni.
AIBU? Or is this grounds for divorce?!

Why is a taxi not allowed to pick you up but a friend or family member is? I don't understand what the difference would be. My partner doesn't drive so he'd get in a taxi and come and pick me up.

Because a taxi driver can't be your responsible adult for 24 hours.

As I said, my partner would pick me up in a taxi. But apparently taxis are banned. So I guess I would just live there.

If your partner is your responsible adult then fine.

My DM was mine, she doesn't drive so a neighbour took all of us. Wish we had just booked a taxi, she was a terrible driver and made it all worse.

It doesn't sound good for your relationship if you said you were fine with him going because you thought he would only moan and be resentful staying to look after you!

No, you're misunderstanding completely.

You can't leave alone in a taxi.

Easier said than done as I've met via work a few ladies whose motto was "if he ever does thisss...... I'd kick him out, leave him.." Guess what, when the time came and the OH cheated on them, they were devasted and time off work and took them back

As I said, easier said than done and hopefully this happens to no one

re. taxis - different places will have different thresholds for advice (and that might be different for various operations or even the same operation with different patient risk factors). The concern with going solo with a taxi driver is that it places what might be an unreasonable burden of responsibility on them should anything happen on the way home (they're not your NOK/a friend, etc and really just want to get from A to B and get on their way). Also it would usually be inappropriate for them to know enough medical detail for them to be of any use if they had to divert to an A&E en-route (esp with longer journeys, the nearest 'safe' place might not be the place you came from). Taxi is better than a bus usually though because a taxi can at least divert relatively easily.

Also, perhaps worth considering that not every taxi driver is lovely - just every so often you'll stumble upon a predatory deviant who might want to take advantage of a recently sedated/anaesthetised customer who couldn't put up much of a fight.

Where patients lie about having support at home to get what they want (ie same day discharge), then it's great if they get away with it (and most of them will because 'day case' surgery is generally safe), but just every so often it goes very wrong and that would be entirely their problem, not the hospitals! While serious adverse events are usually rare, they're not zero.

Sits on fence picking splinters out

I'm torn

He asked. You said go

V

You've had major surgery and need some tlc plus with a dog needing attention which makes it harder

It's not just you and sitting on sofa /sleeping. You need to feed and let dog out

Also the fact he hasn't contacted you. Have uou rang or texted him

Unbelievable. I had surgery last year (granted it was open surgery, not keyhole, but still) and my DP took a week off work to look after me. He set up a table next to my bed and regularly brought me drinks throughout the day, he brought all my food to my bed and ate with me, he kept the house clean. He sat with me when I was awake to keep me company. Then when he had to go back to work, my mum came over to help instead and my DP made sure there wasn't a day where neither of them were available to help me, until I was well enough to look after myself.

I'd be furious and honestly, heartbroken, if my partner had gone on a night out the day after my surgery.

@CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment bot at all. 😊When it's written down I do look like an idiot! I genuinely had no idea though!

#not

You were lucky, I was just in for 8hrs or so but was in agony afterwards and couldn't get out of bed myself for the loo. My boyfriend at the time slept on the floor beside me so he didn't disturb me but was in hand to get me out of bed if needed.

OP, disgraceful behaviour from your husband IMO

YABU. You should not have said it was fine.

Wow. I could never ever imagine my DH even contemplating this.

The :crime" here is that he even asked so soon after surgery, You however told him it was fine and now you're mad he went and wonder if this is a divorce offence??? If there is a next time, answer honestly and explain why you need him to stay.

My exhusband went off to work, leaving me with the toddler the day after my gallbladder surgery.
Ex.
There were other reasons .... but.

You were incredibly stupid to say yes it was ok to go ! Then whinge about it !
Of course it WAS NOT OK but you need to find your voice instead of acting like a victim.
You are both idiots

I'll be honest there's no way my DH would even have considered this , it's unbelievably selfish of him

Why did you say it was fine - I'd have been going fucking mental that he even thought about it. You can't blame him if you said it was fine WTF.

Plenty of single people have just about any surgery you can think of. Single parents too. Sadly illness doesn't stop to ask questions about whether you can cope with post surgical effects before coming to call.

They still don't let you go home unless you have someone at home. I've had to call a friend for it before. You could lie obviously and have them leave the moment you get in but that doesn't mean it's safe or a good idea. For every hundred surgeries that goes well there's still the one where it goes really really wrong and you need to be rushed back in. And making 999 calls when you are that ill is not particularly easy and if you have no one with you who is going to call them to say you are now unconscious?

Is the OP incapable of saying no? He asked, the OP said yes.

Take responsibility for your actions

I had surgery on Friday, can't put weight on it, basically can't do anything! My partner missed a wedding to stay with me, has dealt with me using a bedpan! And bought me a camping toilet! Oh and cooked all meals from scratch, fed my mum also, kept house, sorted the washing and looked after our dogs! Same when I had my gallbladder out years ago. I did the same for him when he had a knee replacement! You look after the people you love.

But someone can collect you and come home with you in a taxi, as happened for my tooth op. Why does the collector need to have a car?

Well, yes, because you can't leave alone at all, whether on foot or in any way, but someone said taxis themselves were not allowed.