My fiancé has asked me to lie about childrens religion to his parents

[Quickrunner91]

Fiance has asked me to lie about the religion of our future children to his family.

My fiancés family are very religious. We are not particularly religious. When we have children, we’d like to show them all different religions but allow them to make their own choices.

My fiancés family lives abroad, but he’s asked if we go to see them with children we may have in future, that we lie that we’re raising the children a certain religion.

Am I wrong to feel a little annoyed about this? I want things to go smoothly but at the same time I don’t see why I should have to lie about my own children

What’s it to you? It works for us, keeps the peace and everyone is happy. I’d rather do this than have endless arguments, fall out with family and live with all the drama.

Both our families had to compromise when we decided to marry as I’m sure this is not what they had in mind for their children. So it’s not a great sacrifice to go through some motions for them. Also, when we decided to build a life together we agreed to respect both families’ beliefs.

But you stay on your high horse. I’m sure your life is perfect.

Completely this!

This all sounds ludicrous.
Why do you want to "keep him happy" by lying. I hate liars. I will not lie for anyone. I would not be with anyone who can not stand up and be counted when it comes to the choices they make.
I also want someone who put our kids first, not their parents (or anyone else). So I would not have kids or marry this man, sorry, but this may only be the start of things you do to keep him happy. Thats not your responsibility.

Also as a parent you make tough choices that you believe to be the right ones, not everyone will like them, but thats part of parenting.

Yes!! I read this post and immediately thought of this movie!!
I'd love to know what religion OP is talking about.
I think if your OH is that fearful of his family finding out the truth, that would be a red flag for me...

Just wait til you're married… he’ll be getting all religious then when you’re trapped.

as your user name says… Quick Run!

Don’t do this to yourself

Open your eyes. You are already starting your relationship on a lie. It will not get better.

He is either willing to lie to his parents and then expect you and his children to lie too

OR

He is lying to you. He may pretend he is going through the motions but deep down, once children are no longer hypothetical, he will expect you to convert and raise your children Islamic too.

Get out of this ridiculous charade now.

EDIT as just seen your update. I'm muslim and he and his parents are wrong. For a start, he doesn't have to marry a Muslim, (female Muslims do). He also has to respect whatever your background is too. If he's not happy with this, then he has no business marrying you and making your life difficult. This sounds like it will be a cultural battle rather than a religious one. If they follow their religion and know their religion properly they can't pressure you or the kids for anything.

If you need to rely about uour religion, and happy to do so. Then you aren't religious in my opinion.

If you are open to all and letting kids choose, then what's there to hide? Unless yiur fiancé's parents are strictly religious and are expecting your kids to be the same

Add to my last post. I also think he's lying to you. His parents would not have preferred you being engaged before living together. They would expect you to have been married.

I'm a bit worried about the whole situation to be honest and I would think strongly before doing anything. Because once kids come along it will change everything and he will change the way he does things. I saw a huge change in my husband after we had kids and he is more religious now, for me this is a good thing. But for you it might not. So there's lots to think about.

Also, if it doesn't work out, and he has these hypothetical children, some or half of the time, you can't control what he teaches them etc. So that's something else to consider.

If you are willing to say what his cultural background is OP we might be able to give better advice. Not everyone follows islam properly and use culture and call is religion.

you honestly, cannot lie to anyone about religion, this is about faith in God, remember?! And let me say you are a Christian and have to lie .....???? - do you know what that actually means for your eternal well being

This post has to be moved in Religion section. It is not just about lying, is it

That won't work though when they get older, assuming that they don't speak English, is he not going to teach them to speak their language? They're going to know that they don't go to the mosque or pray regularly, especially if it's an important part of their lives

Also if you have boys, they're going to notice that they're not circumcised.

If you haven't converted, they're going to know anyway that it's unlikely that they will not be brought up with two faiths.

Do not get married with this man. You are entering a lion's den. And never visit his country or parents with English born children. Stay here and live the democratic life until we still have some democracy and peace left. Be cleverer than that.

Run away from this man who is already being controlling.

You are kidding aren't you? What is it with your partner, does he not have the backbone to stand up to his parents.

You have a problem already.

Of course it's Islam. Nothing against the religion itself, but so many of its followers feel the need to practice it this way and impose on everyone in their family. You don't hear of Christians or Buddhists doing this to their children.
If my partner tried to suck me into his lies to such a big extent (affecting our children), he would get a big fat No. It's his decision to continue with these impossible lies, rather than grow a backbone and tell them the truth of how he feels. I wouldn't want to be with someone so dependent on his parents' approval and acceptance, willing to make his own wife and children's lives so difficult and fake.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cTouKoOV80g&pp=ygUYdGhlIG9yYW5nZSBhbmQgdGhlIGdyZWVu

So either you will not allow your children to visit, speak with or communicate in any way with your in-laws, or you will have to teach them to lie from an early age and equip them with enough information, equipment and knowledge to make it possible. Which will fuck them up no end.
When the illusion explodes, your partner will blame you, say that he’s always been religious and you stopped him educating his children.
What kind of misguided fool thinks this sort of deception is possible, ethical or reasonable? Maybe if you never have children he can keep the lies going.

Only go along withh it if you are prepared to allow your future children to be brought up in said religion. If not I would back out of getting married.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

You don't hear of Christians or Buddhists doing this to their children.

Of course you bloody do!
Catholics, JWs, The Wee Free, Baptists..I’ve met dozens of survivors who are now NC with family for reasons specifically related to their family’s understanding of how Christianity should be done right.

😁 been a while since I've heard that!

Run like the wind 🏃‍♀️

Yes you absolutely do. To give just one example, my best friend at primary never knew her grandparents on her df's side as he had refused to bring his dcs up in the catholic faith so his dps wanted nothing to do with them.