Can my boss contact my husband?

[ajdjad]

My husband (main money earner) is under a lot of stress at work and I am trying my hardest to reduce stress at home during this time. I am therefore not putting myself forward for overtime in my job, so he doesn’t have to worry about childcare if his shifts run over (which at the moment they often do)

Overtime has always been optional in my job and I have taken shifts in the past if I know husband is around for the kids (we can survive without the extra money, I just want to help my team where I can and who doesn’t mind a little extra spending money).

My boss has picked up on this and says I’m not myself at work (I maybe a little quieter, but home life is going through a tougher patch, but I don’t want to bring my home life to work). I have just answered life is a little exhausting at the moment but I may be open to overtime again in the future.

Boss had my husband’s number from a previous, when husband was organising a surprise for me a few years ago. They haven’t contacted each other since and it was only for this purpose. Boss has messaged husband asking if I’m ok as not myself/taking overtime.

I feel so upset. They have gone behind my back and now caused more stress at home (something else on my husbands load!). Are they allowed to do this? Is this something I can report to HR? Or AIBU?

They're adults in the workplace!

It is nothing to do with someone's spouse/partner what someone's boss thinks of them!

It's not school and you don't get reported on!

This is a huge GDPR, privacy breach, I'd be raising a grievance, I'm outraged on your behalf x

GDPR.

He isn't respecting your privacy and he's contacting your husband in a way which isn't fair.

It could constituent harassment and bullying.

The boss's motives are completely irrelevant. It is sheer good luck on his/her part that the call didn't make things far worse for OP. The boss had no idea what was going on. If you fear for your employee's safety the last thing you should do is contact the person who is making them unsafe. And the boss had no idea why the OP was quiet and not taking overtime.

It was hugely inappropriate and showed a complete lack of thought. He/she had no right whatsoever to blur the lines between work and home to that extent. My gut feeling is that while there may have been concern for OP there was also a possible element of nosiness. The OP wasn't spilling the beans so try to get her husband to do so.

over stepped the line!

This was a guy invited to your surprise birthday party and now you might report him to HR?

he obviously feels he’s been invited into the fold enough to make a call like that.

Your boss definitely shouldn’t have done that, and had your husband been abusive it may have put you in a dangerous situation. However, it sounds like he did it from a place of concern not malice.

I wouldn’t take it to HR personally, but I would let him know it was a private matter and tell him not to contact your husband about you again. You don’t owe him an explanation but if you wanted you could say the reason your not taking on any OT is because your husband is under a lot of stress and you are trying to make his life a bit easier. Maybe he will realise he made things worse.

No one is claiming harassment. But it’’s most definitely a breach of GDPR. As you rightly say, OP’s husband is not an employee but OP is, so her boss had no business contacting her husband regarding a matter which was entirely work related. There was nothing altruistic about it either. OP had given her reasons for not wanting to do overtime and clearly that didn’t satisfy him, so he decided to infantilise her by checking with her husband to see what the problem was. I’d be furious and heading to HR at the first opportunity.

If he can’t separate business from socialising then he shouldn’t be in a supervisory position. OP says it was a one off and they haven’t contacted each other since - so not a close relationship. Even so, it would be, and is, a breach of GDPR.

If posters would actually read the op's 2 posts on this thread, they would see that the op did not specify if her boss was male or female. It's fascinating to see that the vast majority of replies have reached the conclusion that her boss is a man.

I do wonder if your boss was hoping your husband would pressure you into working more hours.

Anyway, it's a definite breach of confidence and I would be talking to HR about it. If your marriage was in any way abusive, this could have been dangerous for you.

This. He has done something very very wrong and he needs to understand this. I would report to HR.

There is no way I would contact the partner of one of my team.

Reaching much?

@Lovelysausagedogscrumpy how is it a breach of GDPR?

I would be absolutely fuming if my boss done this (but they wouldn't as they are a professional). Ask me and if I'm not okay il say, if I say I am, there's no need to then contact my husband unless it's because they have serious concerns for my welfare - which is doesn't sound like they do for you. More like they want to fish and try push you to do more overtime.

HR HR HR. That is super unprofessional and not allowed. I worked in HR for many years. No no no.
And now it has caused issues hell no. Report it right away.

The employer is responsible for the welfare of the OP in certain regardless.

If they are calling the husband they are revealing to him that there are concerns at work about her welfare/mental health/family affairs.

This is not allowed as the OP has a right to privacy about her manners at work and there are potentially safeguarding issues involving going to the husband.

The boss is putting the company at risk here.

And yes if he is intending to apply pressure to get the OP to do more overtime, it absolutely is harassment.

The OP should not approach the boss over it, precisely because he's acting unprofessionally and isn't aware of the rules. He needs retraining about privacy and how this isn't allowed. Because this isn't just about the OPs case it's about his general conduct and how he thinks this is ok and is actually technically breaking the law.

I completely agree with this.

it’s absolutely outrageous your boss did this.

i can’t believe all the ‘ oh he meant well’ comments.

It’s a blatant intrusion and invasion of privacy and confidentiality. It’s utterly unprofessional. He has no idea what your personal circumstances or home life are or what impact his phone call will have on you.

Way overstepping a mark and I’d make that clear to him.

Breach of confidentiality and completely out of line. Not to mention totally unprofessional. Doesn’t matter if he’s concerned this is completely inappropriate. Speak to HR.

That is totally out of order.
How dare he. It's such a Man thing to do.

He's messaging your DH because he thinks your DH 'controls' you and that DH will instruct you to take the overtime 'like a good girl'.

Is your DH in a 'better' job, or a more important job with higher pay than you?
Does he work somewhere like a hospital where he is on call?

@Seaweed42 · Today 16:17

*That is totally out of order.
How dare he. It's such a Man thing to do. *

Can you point out the post where the op says the boss is a man??

I'd be fuming if my boss had ever done this. Overtime is optional and you declined. He shouldn't be contacting your DH to report to him you declined overtime. I'd report to HR.

I think you need to just have a straight forward talk with your boss explaining you appreciated the concern but their message was out of line and they shouldn't have done it.

It was out of a place of concern for you but it was definite a overreach.

He wasn't given permission to use the husband's telephone number for work related matters, consent is important. He's not been given consent to contact her husband for this type of reason.

I'd email hr, what happened. It's a breach of confidentiality. It's not right at all. What else is he going to start messaging him, saying? Hr will nip it in the bud, so he never does it again.