Can my boss contact my husband?

[ajdjad]

My husband (main money earner) is under a lot of stress at work and I am trying my hardest to reduce stress at home during this time. I am therefore not putting myself forward for overtime in my job, so he doesn’t have to worry about childcare if his shifts run over (which at the moment they often do)

Overtime has always been optional in my job and I have taken shifts in the past if I know husband is around for the kids (we can survive without the extra money, I just want to help my team where I can and who doesn’t mind a little extra spending money).

My boss has picked up on this and says I’m not myself at work (I maybe a little quieter, but home life is going through a tougher patch, but I don’t want to bring my home life to work). I have just answered life is a little exhausting at the moment but I may be open to overtime again in the future.

Boss had my husband’s number from a previous, when husband was organising a surprise for me a few years ago. They haven’t contacted each other since and it was only for this purpose. Boss has messaged husband asking if I’m ok as not myself/taking overtime.

I feel so upset. They have gone behind my back and now caused more stress at home (something else on my husbands load!). Are they allowed to do this? Is this something I can report to HR? Or AIBU?

The OP stated clearly in the first post that the boss going behind her back to the DH has made the stress worse. Entirely predictable to any manager with a brain cell. There is no excuse for it - the manager either needs training or disciplining.

The boss in question may be male or female but going over the head of the subordinate woman to a man perceived as having influence is a behaviour I've only ever seen in male managers.

Or you could just speak to the boss like an adult and tell them not to contact your husband. Acting like a stroppy teen just means no promotion for you.

Do things like this really happen? It is beyond outrageous.

The lack of professionalism is absolutely staggering.

I’d have my managers arse on a plate of they did that to me.

Agree

Do you really want to get married your boss into trouble, when he seems to be just trying to look out for you, unintentionally upset you and obviously sees you more than a colleague.
I think if you go to HR you will cause a load of trouble, talk to him yourself. X

It's really interesting the split of people who've assumed the boss is a man, while some of us have assumed woman!

Apparently the boss is a woman so I retract my post. She sounds like she is just trying to be helpful, which is great to hear.

BronnwenTheBrave, when you thought the boss was a man you said:-

"What a bastard. Report him to HR and see if you can get him sacked. You deserve so much better than this."

but now you say:-

"Apparently the boss is a woman so I retract my post. She sounds like she is just trying to be helpful, which is great to hear."

The OP hasn't said whether the boss is male or female. Why is your opinion on this matter so vastly different based on the sex of the boss?

Couldn't a man be "just trying to be helpful"?

Couldn't a woman be a bastard who deserves to be sacked?

How is it remotely helpful, given that he knows her life is exhausting, for her boss to hassle her husband about her doing overtime??

Helpful would be telling OP not to do overtime unless she wanted to or maybe asking if there was anything else he could do

It's a bit odd but you didn't mention the dynamics about your job and the relationship with your boss.

Your husband's stress is his to sort out. How does he think not having to pick up his kids 2 days a week is going to relieve his stress? It's not like this is a new job.

Why? My experience of female bosses is that they are far more likely to micromanage, overstep and be overly interested in personal issues that are not their business. They are not generally nicer or kinder or more caring.

You truly are clueless with a barrel-scraping comment like that.

🤦‍♂️🙄

Totally out of order. I’ve been a manager for years and no way would I do this. It’s just completely unacceptable. I guess your options are to raise with your boss, tell him you didn’t consent to this, your DH is now more stressed and you would appreciate him never doing that again. Or you go to boss’s boss - or put in an official complaint. I would depend for me if I was looking for any promotions etc, as unfortunately it will cause some issues and we all know that whilst it shouldn’t happen, it does and employers will remember you complained and overlook you for promotions or not score you very highly so you’re sifted out of applications

Maybe you were right then. Telling a boss to 'get to fuck' is the most mature and adult way to deal with it. 🙄

It is when they violate your privacy and contact your spouse for nefarious purposes without consent.

🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Aww! Haven 't you read the thread? We've dealt with that one.

My thoughts exactly.

Boss texts your husband and you go home to “what have you been saying to people? You’ve been talking about me! You are so shit at your job your boss has to text me to complain about you… I told you they all think you are stupid and useless” etc etc, and add in a black eye for good measure.

On top of which, as long as you’re doing your job and presenting yourself in a professional manner your boss doesn’t have anything to complain about. If you aren’t then they should bring it up with you in the appropriate way.

Would you ring your husbands boss if he came home in a weird mood?! Obviously not.

Speak to HR this is out of order

can help but notice how many posters assume the boss is male. At no point in the original post does the OP identify the sex of her line manager 🤔

So so so wrong of yojr boss. What if your husband was the reason for yoj not being yourself?! Completely out of line and potentially dangerous.

Absolutely unacceptable.

Big boss man has to check in with hubby to see what's up with little wifey because she's not as smiley as usual... and more importantly isn't saying yes to overtime.

I'd be absolutely fuming and would be raising an immediate complaint with HR.

Absolutely not ok, what if you had an abusive home life?

Go to HR. Your boss is obviously concerned, but that was entirely unprofessional and I'm pretty sure GDPR illegal. You did not give your permission. Your boss should have gone to HR, if he had a concern. You also should go to HR, explain your boundaries clearly and request/insist a no-overtime order is placed against your name for the forseeable future. You have a family issue you're managing. You're capable of working within the limits of your contract. You're not available for overtime currently. You'll let the company know if/when this changes. You honestly don't need to be hurt/ offended/ emotional or explain. Just state what happened with your manager. You're entitled to privacy. You're also entitled to bring a supporting person with you to HR, if going alone seems daunting. I would definitely report it. Your manager needs to know his boundaries. Wishing you and your family the best.

You've "dealt" with that?? How? The OP still hasnt answered my question from Page 5, so not sure how you have inside knowledge to "deal with it" 😂

Lol. Nefarious reasons = checking you're OK apparently.

Yes, it was a bit of an overstep but why aren't people able to woman up and actually speak to somebody themselves? Far better to just assert your boundaries and move on than to make it into something official and piss off your boss - in the long run you'll be the one that suffers most as this won't likely affect his career much but may very well affect yours if he's the one deciding whether to promote you or somebody else.

Best to just have a quiet word. It's extremely unlikely he'll ever do it again and if he does that's when you speak to HR. People on here are bonkers between being afraid to answer the front door or approach a boss. 😂