Can my boss contact my husband?

[ajdjad]

My husband (main money earner) is under a lot of stress at work and I am trying my hardest to reduce stress at home during this time. I am therefore not putting myself forward for overtime in my job, so he doesn’t have to worry about childcare if his shifts run over (which at the moment they often do)

Overtime has always been optional in my job and I have taken shifts in the past if I know husband is around for the kids (we can survive without the extra money, I just want to help my team where I can and who doesn’t mind a little extra spending money).

My boss has picked up on this and says I’m not myself at work (I maybe a little quieter, but home life is going through a tougher patch, but I don’t want to bring my home life to work). I have just answered life is a little exhausting at the moment but I may be open to overtime again in the future.

Boss had my husband’s number from a previous, when husband was organising a surprise for me a few years ago. They haven’t contacted each other since and it was only for this purpose. Boss has messaged husband asking if I’m ok as not myself/taking overtime.

I feel so upset. They have gone behind my back and now caused more stress at home (something else on my husbands load!). Are they allowed to do this? Is this something I can report to HR? Or AIBU?

You might need to explain that. You're not making any sense.

Even though you understand it to be from a place of concern , genuinely , you’d still speak to HR? Don’t want him to lose his job ?
I mean ,what purpose would keeping HR informed about this serve ?

Do you think your boss did this out of concern as he thinks you are a valued employee?

Or is your doing less overtime having a negative effect on his projections and is possibly looking to let you go?

Or is he a nosy shit stirrer?

how did your husband respond to him?

Your boss overstepped the mark' by phoning your husband. He may have been coming from a place of concern but he had no business to do this when he had already spoken to you. For all he knew this could have been very unappreciated by your husband and may have indeed caused trouble in your home. I think it's fair to let him know his intrusion was neither wanted nor appreciated and certainly mustn't be repeated. Hope matters improve for you soon.

That was not only inappropriate but potentially dangerous.
What if your husband was an abuser? That phone call could have seen you beaten to a pulp.
There are good and bad ways to try to help and support someone. He chose a bad way.

I would report it to hr pointing out that fortunately you aren't in that situation but that he could have put a woman at risk.

This, plus many other reasons why this was inappropriate. How did he know that you hadn't separated, or that your husband isn't seriously ill and you just don't want to discuss it?

Or for all he knows, you could be having an extra marital relationship and told your husband you're working overtime. Not saying this is the case of course, but just one of numerous reasons why his action was totally unprofessional.

This. Be worse if he'd noticed and thing got worse for you and he could have helped prevent it but chatting to you and ensuring you are doing ok.

@MollsDolls be the boss didn't prevent shit did they? They messaged OP's husband? How is that preventing anything or caring?

Breaking GDPR rules will absolutely damage the boss. And rightly so.

As for promotions etc, the OP made no references, ergo has no bearings here.

What is "bonkers" is the minority of people like you on this thread who cannot see what a serious issue this is.

🤦‍♂️🙄🤦‍♂️

I would go ballistic if my boss contacted my husband. My employment contract is between me and my employer, my husband didn’t have to give approval.

you have a bloody nosey manager!

Holy shit. No you are not being unreasonable that’s a disgrace. Report them

Your boss should be sacked, that would be gross misconduct in most workplaces. The op's husband might not be abusive, but the next one he does this with might be.

I'm quite frankly horrified that your boss has done this.

You know your DH isn't abusing you, but your boss didn't know that.

What if you were stressed because you had been planning to escape a violent abusive relationship? Your boss could have put you at serious risk of harm by talking to him about you.

This

That’s utterly outrageous! I don’t even think it’s legal. You are not a child! It’s like they are calling your dad! How infantilising, crossing a line. I would be raging!

I think your boss was truely concerned for you. He may get into trouble & only wanted to help.....How about talking to him about it....

DON'T contact HR! Unless you want to screw up your working relationship with your boss for the rest of your time there.

I work in HR. It was inappropriate for your boss to contact DH but I imagine it came from a place of caring about your welfare rather than anything else. If you go to HR it will become a formal complaint and will escalate horribly. If that is what you want then fine - but if not - and it sounds as though you have other things to worry about - then don't.

By all means talk to your boss and explain how you feel though!

I hope your DH sorts his issues and things get easier for you both soon.

100% wrong of your boss. I’d be furious and would tell him so in no uncertain terms. And tell him that if he ever did it again or similar, I’d be raising a formal complaint with HR.

I can’t understand how some people don’t realise what a massive inappropriate and unprofessional overstep this is. Intent is irrelevant.
I would check your company’s hr policy. I know at mine they are only allowed to use my emergency contact for exactly that reason , an emergency! So if something happened to me at work or if I hadn’t attended work with no contact they could contact as a welfare check.
I would be frank with your boss and explain the potential damage this could have done. Assert yourself and remind them you are an adult, you are the employee, your husband is not. In future please do not contact him to discuss you. If after having that conversation you don’t feel that they are taking you seriously, then go to HR.

If it is just that your husband is stressed at work, then how would your boss being concerned for your wellbeing cause "more stress at home"?

Yes, your boss overstepped but it was from genuine concern.

But yes, this could've caused serious repercussions in an abusive relationship. Everything from "what are you saying to your boss about me?" To much much worse.

Guilt,shame ,anxiety.

Plus the fact that it's not normal practice and wondering why.

Boss is a fucking idiot. Imagine if you were suffering from domestic abuse and that's why you were a bit quiet.

I haven't read everything but these are my thoughts for what it's worth...

It's not a gdpr breach. He had her husbands number for a social event I think.
Your husband has terrible bosses and wants to leave. You have a good one and by going to hr you will ruin this relationship.

Speak to him if you want and just explain what's happening. But don't go in all guns blazing as both of you will be unhappy at work.

Your boss is seriously out of order to do this 😡

1. he has no right to speak to your husband about your welfare without seeking your permission first.
2. Do you have an HR department of yes speak to them as I’m pretty certain he’s in breach of the company confidentiality agreement.
3. Why the fucking he’ll is he treating you like a child

seriously I’m stunned at his audacity

The purpose it would serve is that HR would then speak to the boss and tell him he’s breached GDPR by contacting an employee’s family member without their consent. In this case he’s also put the company at risk of legal action - had the OP been in an abusive relationship, that phone call could have resulted in serious consequences for her. He clearly needs formal training as to what is appropriate and proportionate.

How on earth do you reach the conclusion that OP has a good boss ? He asked her about overtime, she explained her reasons for not doing it and that should have been the end of it. He then used a phone number given for entirely different purposes, to discuss the matter with OP’s husband, without her consent. Of course it’s a breach of GDPR. And in the process he’s breached her employee rights, infantilised her by going over her head, and, as others have pointed out, put her at risk by not giving any thought as to the possibility of an abusive home situation. HR need to have a serious word with him about boundaries.