To block a child at soft play

[Avopopcorn]

Just had a bizarre interaction with a lady at soft play today and want to know if I am being unreasonable. DS (two years old) was playing in the toddler section with building block. It's just us, and there are loads of other blocks. We're all sat on the ground (my baby is with me too). Another toddler, same sort of age comes charging over and tries to grab the block my DS is playing with. DS is obviously about to get upset and react. We've been working really hard on DS not hitting in this sort of situation and saying "mummy help" instead which he did, despite being obviously upset by the other toddler.

I put one hand on the block and one between DS and the toddler to block him coming closer but don't move him away or anything like that, just a barrier arm while I say to the toddler that DS is still playing and he can have a turn in a minute. Cue the mum storming in, shouting "he's autistic! He's autistic! He doesn't understand, what do you think you're doing?!?!". She was mad. So I explained and she's still mouthing off. Then she takes him away and thirty seconds later it all happens again. Cue more shouting about him being autistic (but no extra supervision from her...) as I still wasn't letting him just take the block. She gets him, calls me a bitch and storms off to complain about me to the staff.

Poor staff member comes over, and says that she says I pushed her child. I explained obviously not, didn't think much more of it. Twenty mins later we go to leave and this woman is still crying to the staff member!

I've played it back in my head a few times and I don't know what else I could have done really. This kid was all over us, no parent near, and it would have escalated into a toddler hitting match if I hadn't done anything. Plus it's unreasonable for my DS to have to tolerate some random toddler taking a toy he's actively playing with (everything else in there wasn't being used, it wasn't busy). All toddlers require supervision and surely even more so if he's autistic and doesn't understand? If she had been with him she could have sorted it out herself.

Would it really have killed you to let the other child have the block and just distract your own with something else? Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill

Surely she must have interpreted the situation very differently? Interesting the staff believed her.

Sorry but I don't agree. He was playing with it, he has every right to finish his game. There were plenty of other blocks. Whilst teach kids to share and be sociable is important, so is teaching them they can have boundaries and how to calmly and peacefully stick to those boundaries.

Did you actually touch her child at any point?

Sounds like you handled it fine.

my son is 14 now and autistic. I had to hover close to him all the time when at places like this to help ensure he was safe and he wasn’t getting in the way of other children’s play. It may look OTT to a bystander but it was what was needed

Your DS should not have to allow things to be taken from him. You protected both children while the other mother was not actively helping her child deal with situations he might find difficult. Yanbu

You can't control how other people will react to what you do, if someone wants to go over the top and get themselves in a state let them get on with it.

If she had got you into trouble I can see why it would be a problem but in this case I'd just forget about it and let her waste her energy.

Get physical with someone elses child and you can almost guarantee an overreaction.
Was you out of line? Probably not. But you surely expect this kind of reaction these days? People are pretty highly strung and not everyone is very smart so flare ups will occur.

It's best to teach your child to help themselves and remove them from the situation if they are uncomfortable. That's the reality you probably need to adjust to.

FWIW, I don't think you did anything wrong. I'd think good on you setting a boundary, physical or otherwise. But in reality and for an easy life, maybe best to keep your hands to yourself wherever possible.

She was distraught so I'm not surprised they came over to see what happened. But it was a very standard toddler interaction - her child wasn't upset, didn't fall or anything. I don't know how she thought I pushed him. I didn't touch him with my hand, just put my arm out in front of him like a fence so he couldn't keep charging at DS

I think you handled it very well - she sounds very much on edge.

At the age of 2, autistic or not, they can't understand sharing and not snatching. I think if there were loads of other blocks and the other toddler was hellbent on having the block your child was playing with I would have just said something like 'let's share with the little boy' and then given your child another block 'would you like to play with this one, wow look it's yellow..' to avoid drama. There's nothing to gain from trying to teach lessons about sharing at this age if it's going to cause meltdowns. However, the other mum's reaction sounds over the top and she should have been supervising her child more closely.

OP didn't say that. If they had believed her then I would have expected them to ask her to leave.

Ugh, first two responses 🙄People who think ‘my child can do anything they want’ are the reason this country will be on its knees in a generation’s time…

It's unusual (but by no means impossible) for a child to be diagnosed with ASD at 2. Given that he was that to me implies he has significant issues. As such, the mother should have been CLOSELY supervising him at all times.

I say this as the mother of 2 autistic boys.

@Miloandfreddy

Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill

Sounds like the other mother did that not OP

You handled it perfectly. I certainly wouldn't have been teaching my toddler to be passive and give something away if they weren't finished playing with it.

If he's autistic then the mother needs to be watching him closer, especially if he has little to no understanding.

Blocking him was perfectly fine, I would've done the same.

There will be CCTV i imagine, so they hopefully will have checked that to see you not pushing the other kid.

Honestly, I wouldn't have blocked him. I don't do anything which could be perceived as me 'parenting' / disciplining another child... unless they actually hurt mine. Then I might do a gentle but firm "careful" type thing. But only if their parents are nowhere to be seen.

Why? There were loads of others, why does the second child trump OP’s child?

Absolutely, so sick of shitty parents raising even shittier kids!

Why on earth should one child be allowed to just walk up and snatch something from another, presumably younger, child?!

Yanbu.

My daughter has substantial needs, is autistic. She is ALWAYS supervised by either her father or me as she is not always appreciative of other people's boundaries.

It could be some other parent has kicked off at her in the past about it, which could explain her reaction but honestly, I wouldn't give it any more headspace.

Well done in calling a TWO YEAR OLD a 'shitty little brat'. That's totally reasonable.

Agree with OP. Would have done the exact same thing. The other woman should have been with her child, even more so if he required additional support

Not the point of the thread but I think the 'mummy help' stuff is a bit odd. What's he supposed to do when you're not there, just stand there looking helpless?