To block a child at soft play

[Avopopcorn]

Just had a bizarre interaction with a lady at soft play today and want to know if I am being unreasonable. DS (two years old) was playing in the toddler section with building block. It's just us, and there are loads of other blocks. We're all sat on the ground (my baby is with me too). Another toddler, same sort of age comes charging over and tries to grab the block my DS is playing with. DS is obviously about to get upset and react. We've been working really hard on DS not hitting in this sort of situation and saying "mummy help" instead which he did, despite being obviously upset by the other toddler.

I put one hand on the block and one between DS and the toddler to block him coming closer but don't move him away or anything like that, just a barrier arm while I say to the toddler that DS is still playing and he can have a turn in a minute. Cue the mum storming in, shouting "he's autistic! He's autistic! He doesn't understand, what do you think you're doing?!?!". She was mad. So I explained and she's still mouthing off. Then she takes him away and thirty seconds later it all happens again. Cue more shouting about him being autistic (but no extra supervision from her...) as I still wasn't letting him just take the block. She gets him, calls me a bitch and storms off to complain about me to the staff.

Poor staff member comes over, and says that she says I pushed her child. I explained obviously not, didn't think much more of it. Twenty mins later we go to leave and this woman is still crying to the staff member!

I've played it back in my head a few times and I don't know what else I could have done really. This kid was all over us, no parent near, and it would have escalated into a toddler hitting match if I hadn't done anything. Plus it's unreasonable for my DS to have to tolerate some random toddler taking a toy he's actively playing with (everything else in there wasn't being used, it wasn't busy). All toddlers require supervision and surely even more so if he's autistic and doesn't understand? If she had been with him she could have sorted it out herself.

How close to your arm was the other child? Clearly she thinks there was contact and the problem was that she thought that you pushed him away. That was the problem. Most people would be upset if an adult touched their child.

Why are so many people on here defending that awful screaming woman?

She also allowed her son to wander over again 30 seconds later. Surely, if she thought there was contact from OP, she would make sure her child wouldn’t go back.

Unfortunately there are a lot of nutters in soft play places. There are also unfortunately a lot of parents who think their dcs can do what they want and that right trumps everything else.

Interesting that you selectively quoted and chose to miss out the following sentence which was "You'd say the parents needed to get them the tools they needed and be there at all times to make sure they didn't fall over shit or bump into other kids."

By doing that, it changed my actual point quite a bit. Why did you do that?

What is it you thought I was saying?

He was hurling himself into my arm while reaching and grabbing at my toddler and the block. Bear in mind I'm sat on the floor with DS and a baby at this point.

I don’t actually think you done anything wrong. I have a (recently assessed and diagnosed) autistic nearly 5 year old and I wouldn’t allow him to freely snatch or take a toy of another child, not before his diagnosis or now. I appreciate it’s what kids do, we can’t have eyes on them 24/7, but that’s an extreme reaction the lady has had. She could have just as easily spoken with you, apologised and carried on by distracting her child with other blocks.

OP, you have really done nothing wrong, although I agree with IncompleteSenten about some behaviours actually being a part of the disability. It's quite hard to read comments that don't quite understand.

The boy sounds like he could be PDA, much like my own daughter. It's quite difficult for them to take "no". That word often triggers my own daughter and I'm on edge as to whether she is about to launch a physical attack on me or not.

With that in mind, the Mum should have been a)supervising the child and b) redirecting his frustration with another block or activity.

My cortisol/blood pressure levels are through the roof most days but I would have never treated anybody this way.

But it didn’t happen, so she was screaming that OP had pushed her DC when she couldn’t have seen it.

She’s the issue.

I literally quoted something you said. You said it, even if you added other thoughts after. And the point I made stands.

Indeed.
My sons had extremely challenging behaviour when they were younger (youngest still does at age 23 as an aside I'm a terrible mother I keep thinking he's still 22) and we had to be their constant shadows, ready to grab them at the first sign of trouble. I can't count the number of times we had to remove them from situations they weren't coping with and take them home.
But none of their behaviours were in any way their fault . If another child had got hurt that would have been our fault, not our children's.

Op did the right thing imo. The child's mother let him down by not being right behind him, ready to grab.

If it had been my autistic child, I would have been able to see that you were only blocking with your arm (a perfectly reasonable thing to do), as I would have been right next to him.

He can't be left to navigate things like soft play by himself as it would be unfair and potentially unsafe for him and other children.

Plus if she had been right there I wouldn't have needed to intervene in the same way as she could have dealt with the situation while I focused on my son and ensuring he didn't hit. I think this is what it boils down to - she wasn't there to supervise/support him and so misinterpreted a situation and then lost the plot a bit.

🤣

While I agree in principle, that the other woman needed kindness and compassion but to be fair OP didn't get the chance to size up the situation and behaved appropriately I think. The other mum needs to understand her DS can't take what he wants, whether he knows it or not is not the point. Maybe if she had handled it differently OP may have reacted more kindly?

Believe me I know the absolute f*ing nightmare of following a child like this around a soft play area, and I know how exhausting it is constantly apologising and explaining. I remember the nasty judgemental looks from women who sat chatting over coffee for an hour and didn't get up of their arses once while I crawled along after DS yet were all fussing over their child if DS bumped into them when crawling past. If their child got a little push it was the biggest drama of their day, I used to be sick with jealousy of their privileged position. Yet I would never ever have accused someone of wrong or believed my son was entitled to take a block off another child. My child's disability is my problem to deal with and this woman needs to learn this awful lesson too. I work with pre schoolers, some with autism, and while we make many many adjustments and allowances, grabbing something from another child is absolutely not one of them.

OP you did nothing wrong but it is a case of count your blessings today and let it slide if you can.

If you say so. I think taking half of something instead of seeing it as a whole can change how it comes across. But if you don't want to see that, we're done here.

You really can’t have a physical altercation with an unknown toddler. You shouldn’t have physically restrained him over who plays with a block which belongs to neither. You should have just let him take it, if you felt strongly go talk to the parent or the employees. The other parent didn’t necessarily act well either but you can’t control that. You stepped in primarily to safeguard the block, if there was an unprovoked attack it would have been different but in this case you could have resolved the situation without touching the child

She should have been closely supervising him if his behaviour puts him at risk or is likely to cause problems.
However personally I wouldnt have got into an altercation over a block.

Nowhere does it say that OP touched the child.

Physically restrained?! Do you need your eyes checked? Perhaps read the OP again. What a load of crap. Were your children allowed to go around snatching things by any chance?

You just made all of that up, really helpful!

Why are so many people on here defending that awful screaming woman?
Probably a mixture of:

parents who don't adequately supervise their own children

and/or:

parents who think that the way children learn to share is through soft play where toddlers and pre-schoolers will magically learn to share and assert their own boundaries as part of a Lord Of The Flies free for all

I suspect a Venn diagram of the two groups would overlap quite a lot.

Personally I do think it’s a bit odd and off to physically block another child who’s coming to play and interact. I’ve never done that, unless a child is charging to another with on an obvious intent of violence ( such as charging towards them brandishing a large stick).

Umm, I think you need to reread what happened. I didn't touch him at any point - I certainly didn't restrain him. I put my arm out to stop him flattening my child and grabbing the block my DS was quietly playing with and he continued to run into and push against the length of my arm until his mum eventually got him. I didn't move him away. I didn't push him. I didn't have an "altercation".