To block a child at soft play

[Avopopcorn]

Just had a bizarre interaction with a lady at soft play today and want to know if I am being unreasonable. DS (two years old) was playing in the toddler section with building block. It's just us, and there are loads of other blocks. We're all sat on the ground (my baby is with me too). Another toddler, same sort of age comes charging over and tries to grab the block my DS is playing with. DS is obviously about to get upset and react. We've been working really hard on DS not hitting in this sort of situation and saying "mummy help" instead which he did, despite being obviously upset by the other toddler.

I put one hand on the block and one between DS and the toddler to block him coming closer but don't move him away or anything like that, just a barrier arm while I say to the toddler that DS is still playing and he can have a turn in a minute. Cue the mum storming in, shouting "he's autistic! He's autistic! He doesn't understand, what do you think you're doing?!?!". She was mad. So I explained and she's still mouthing off. Then she takes him away and thirty seconds later it all happens again. Cue more shouting about him being autistic (but no extra supervision from her...) as I still wasn't letting him just take the block. She gets him, calls me a bitch and storms off to complain about me to the staff.

Poor staff member comes over, and says that she says I pushed her child. I explained obviously not, didn't think much more of it. Twenty mins later we go to leave and this woman is still crying to the staff member!

I've played it back in my head a few times and I don't know what else I could have done really. This kid was all over us, no parent near, and it would have escalated into a toddler hitting match if I hadn't done anything. Plus it's unreasonable for my DS to have to tolerate some random toddler taking a toy he's actively playing with (everything else in there wasn't being used, it wasn't busy). All toddlers require supervision and surely even more so if he's autistic and doesn't understand? If she had been with him she could have sorted it out herself.

I don't think you did anything wrong, but seeing as there were loads of building blocks I probably would have tried to distract the other child with a different block rather than just sitting with my arm across.

The parents who kick off and get emotional or confrontational often seem to be the ones who aren't supervising their children appropriately in my experience.

Pretty standard parenting from you. I've had to block unsupervised kids plenty of times, told older kids off for bullying others, even physically blocked a much older child going to hit mine. IDGAF as far as I'm concerned I'll teach my son right from wrong whether other parents do or not.

I had one parent of a kid that was, quite frankly, being a vicious little shit say something about her always doing that or she doesn't know any better, something to suggest she knew damn well this was a common behaviour from her child and I did just say "then you should be supervising more closely so she's not hitting other kids!"

100%, the drama I’ve seen at playgrounds/softplay is always from the parents who allow their children to behave like little thugs. Either by not supervising or just indulging it.

What exactly is wrong with blocking - without touching - an aggressive child from accessing your child? I really really want to know.

My son was diagnosed at 2 and even now at 5 I have to be glued to him at the soft play as he would just try to push a child out the way. She needs to have a closer eye. Perhaps she was just having a really bad and stressful time... Maybe it's not really about you.

She made it about OP though, publicly and loudly by the sounds of it.

I'm not justifying the other mum I'm just saying she might not have slept and have been having a terrible day. People act irrationally all the time.

Okay. Let me rephrase. Calling any 2 yo a shitty little brat is out of order. It’s especially out of order if that 2 yo has additional needs that may or may not have been managed adequately (baring in mind we have half a story here).

But you are? Otherwise why even mention it. There's no reason to excuse poor behaviour, both from the child and the mother

So what? Should OP have looked at an child behaving aggressively to her child and thought, "Oh I'll just let this child bully my child because his mum might be a bit tired and stressed" ..???

That's exactly my point, instead of a parent ignoring their child's bad behaviour they should actually be correcting it. That's kinda the whole point of parenting

@Miloandfreddy

I’m sorry I have an autistic niece and I would not on this earth just let her come and take something off another child just because she is autistic and doesn’t understand.

i feel it is so wrong to just give in to an autistic child where other children are concerned cause what are you teaching the child who isn’t autistic.

this OP @Avopopcorn did the right thing in my opinion as she did not harm the child she protected her own.

Yanbu. He needs more guidance from the mum at that age like you were doing with your dc. It sounds like the only thing she'd have been happy with would have been you giving the dc his way which would have been unfair on your dc.
It does sound like the mum was really struggling though to have been crying for that long and getting that upset over it. Maybe she'd only just found out about the diagnosis.

I see plenty of kids, and many 2 yo are shitty little brats. There's a reason some kids are better behaved then others, you only need to watch the parents to figure it out 🤷🏼‍♀️

Or maybe she was just a cunt who, once having started making a fuss, felt she had to "save face" by taking it right through to a conclusion.

I’d have torn a strip off the other parent. I’m sick and tired of inadequacy being tolerated in society. Some people need a wake up call.

Tbh I don't think I'd get as precious as you if my 2.5 yo DS had a "standard toddler interaction", as you've described it. This happens all the time, unless another child is aggressive towards DS, I don't intervene. Toddlers at this age are possessive about toys, some snatch them and that's for your son to deal with.*

@PurplePansy05
Did you not see that her son tends to hit out? Then the other mother would indeed have had something to cry about.

The mother should be supervising her child. One day he will try to snatch something of a bigger child and end up with a bloody nose

How many blocks were there? I think the idea of sharing and not escalating things is the best way, it's a pity the other Mum got so annoyed she complained. Clearly the poor staff have enough to deal with without 2 adults fighting over a childrens play block. Just go back next time and if that kid/Mum is there try and avoid them or if not gently encourage yours to play together with them nicely while sharing.

Did you not read OP's post? "DS (two years old) was playing in the toddler section with building block. It's just us, and there are loads of other blocks.". LOADS of blocks and hardly anyone else there. PLENTY of other blocks for the other child to play with. Other child wanted OP's child's block simply because someone else had it. If OP had let the other child take her DC's block, the other child would have simply come after him again. We all know he type.

Parent of an autistic DS, at that age especially I followed him round soft play to help him understand we can’t just take things (amongst other things). He’s pretty good now (age 7) but I still watch him from the sidelines now as I know he can be unpredictable. the other mother was wrong, you were fine.

YANBU. She sounds awful. Teaching your kid to share doesn't mean teaching your kid to immediately give up something they have when another child demands it. That's not what sharing is. That's teaching your child to be a people pleaser.

Sounds like the other lad probably would have wanted whatever toy OP's son moved onto next anyway, as there were loads of spares, probably another child playing with it was what made it look interesting, not uncommon.

"Playing nicely and sharing" takes two.

If she wanted him supervised a certain way wouldn't it have been better to supervise him herself, rather than leaving OP to do it.

YANBU but the other mum sounds like she is struggling.

I always think the best outcome in situations like these is everyone happy, if possible, so I would probably just have distracted my 2yo with another block. Plenty of other opportunities to teach/reinforce boundaries.

She was blocking the child from her CHILD!