To block a child at soft play

[Avopopcorn]

Just had a bizarre interaction with a lady at soft play today and want to know if I am being unreasonable. DS (two years old) was playing in the toddler section with building block. It's just us, and there are loads of other blocks. We're all sat on the ground (my baby is with me too). Another toddler, same sort of age comes charging over and tries to grab the block my DS is playing with. DS is obviously about to get upset and react. We've been working really hard on DS not hitting in this sort of situation and saying "mummy help" instead which he did, despite being obviously upset by the other toddler.

I put one hand on the block and one between DS and the toddler to block him coming closer but don't move him away or anything like that, just a barrier arm while I say to the toddler that DS is still playing and he can have a turn in a minute. Cue the mum storming in, shouting "he's autistic! He's autistic! He doesn't understand, what do you think you're doing?!?!". She was mad. So I explained and she's still mouthing off. Then she takes him away and thirty seconds later it all happens again. Cue more shouting about him being autistic (but no extra supervision from her...) as I still wasn't letting him just take the block. She gets him, calls me a bitch and storms off to complain about me to the staff.

Poor staff member comes over, and says that she says I pushed her child. I explained obviously not, didn't think much more of it. Twenty mins later we go to leave and this woman is still crying to the staff member!

I've played it back in my head a few times and I don't know what else I could have done really. This kid was all over us, no parent near, and it would have escalated into a toddler hitting match if I hadn't done anything. Plus it's unreasonable for my DS to have to tolerate some random toddler taking a toy he's actively playing with (everything else in there wasn't being used, it wasn't busy). All toddlers require supervision and surely even more so if he's autistic and doesn't understand? If she had been with him she could have sorted it out herself.

You did exactly what I would have done - except I’m afraid I would given the other mother a mouthful. And probably regretted it later.

No, you don’t let another child snatch something from yours. You do let them have a little later - you don’t let yours hog it. I used to do a countdown on the swings so both mine and the other child knew when he would be coming off. Not so easy when you’re trying to stop another child running in front of the swing because their lazy arsed parent is on their phone sitting on a bench.

OP was preventing her son from lashing out and hitting. Of course she did the right thing, she knew if she didn't intervene then her son would very likely hit.

You were right OP, you've done nothing wrong.

There is a Michael McIntyre skit around his young boy being in a play area and some other kid trying to take whatever toy it was he had off him. When he didn’t immediately acquiesce the woman started shouting at him to share. His response was along the lines of saying that someone just decided he should ‘share’ his car, it would just be seen as theft.

Why we have to teach kids to do something we would never do as adults is beyond me.

I think I feel like I owe it to my son to support him with how to deal with it - it's a standard interaction because toddlers do snatch and hit, but that doesn't mean it's a desirable interaction.

"Actually, no" 😂 Thanks for teaching me how to bring up my own son, whatever would I do? FWIW, DS doesn't in fact snatch, he gave up on it after a short period of time because he is taught to share at home. If other children come up to him and snatch aggressively, I intervene. Otherwise, it's not my job to parent other children and I am not a helicopter mother, I won't be there for DS forever to manage every minor social interaction. I trust in him, he is learning what to do and he'll be fine, but thanks for your tips 😄

What a load of shite.

No doubt they were trying to calm the situation, sounds like the mother was having an adult tantrum

What about a non autistic two year old?

You're having a laugh aren't you? you're as bad as the "autistic" child's mother.

The autistic child needs to learn what is right and wrong regardless of the autism. Unfortunately I don't think this mum will!

And NO ONE is supposed to question or criticise the behaviour or "autistic" children.

Personally I would not physically prevent an unknown toddler at soft play from taking a block. It's bizarre that you think you can basically squabble with a toddler over soft play equipment. I would have moved my own child before blocking someone else's child from using the equipment.

This is phrased so well. I often think this when reading threads about ND children. We need to remember that there is a very strong probability that there will be parents and grandparents who have probably not been diagnosed and who find parenting additionally hard.

It doesn't make it easier to deal with in the moment, but recognising that the child's mother may have had her own reasons for misinterpreting the situation can be helpful in understanding it.

Ultimately, your priority is your child and you were right to protect him.

So if another child tries to aggressively snatch from your child you intervene, but it was wrong for the OP to do exactly that? Did you even notice you were contradicting yourself?

That's not true.
My eldest had his formal DX at 2.5 and my youngest at 3.

The op says her own child is 2 and the other child "looked about the same age" so yes, it's entirely possible they had a dx.

Tbh that just makes it worse not better that the other child's mother wasn't right there though. I remember mine at that age, no bloody way was it ever safe to have them out of arms reach!

But yes, children are DX at that age.

No, I'm not contradicting myself. OP described it as a "standard toddler interaction " in her own posts and I stated I don't intervene in standard toddler interactions and let DS handle them. You lot on this thread are massively on edge tonight for no reason at all 😌

Another child was using it first though.

Why should she? What does that teach her child about boundaries?

Completely disagree. OP’s job is to parent and protect her child, not this other lady’s child. Where on earth was the other mother? Why would you leave an SEN child to fend for himself, knowing full well he’s not got boundaries etc. This was completely the other mum’s responsibility.

Aslong as you didn't raise you voice at all and spoke firmly but kindly and you didn't touch him then I don't think you did wrong. I once lost my patience with a mum who disapline my child for pushing her child, my child was obviously in the wrong but she shouted at my child with her finger in his face (he was 2) and told him he was naughty which got my back up massively. But aslong as you didn't do anything like that I think you were fine.

What I assume is the case with this situation is that the Mum is just struggling and very overwhelmed with her situation and unfortunately that's been projected at you.

And thus enabling those other children to be thugs and bullies who take what they want, when they want, while the women around them smooth their path.

Why the need to put autistic in quote marks?

OP knows how her son would react and from the read of things, if she hadn’t intervened and her child hit this child the mum would have very likely yelled the same at OP.

Yeah 100% she would also have been furious if her child had been hit...