For reacting to people who treat me poorly..assaulted at the doctors surgery

[Namechangey23]

I suspect the answer is yes IABU and normal people don't do this! Please help me understand why I am like this and what I can do to fix it.

This is a typical example of a situation I have got myself into by reacting and allowing myself to be provoked. I was taking my DS (1 yr) for vaccinations and parked neatly in one of many available spaces at my local surgery. Just as I was trying to get him out of his car seat with the door open, I see out of the corner of my eye this guy in his 70s or beyond starts reversing into the space I am standing in with the door open. Note that there are various other spaces even side by side which he could have gone into but no, he chose the one I was standing in with DS half out of his car seat. I waved and shouted and he stopped....then he carried on again so I screamed and shouted at him preparing to smack the back end of his car as I thought he somehow still hasn't seen me and there wasn't room for me to stand out the way. Finally he then moves off, parks opposite and walks off inside without a word.

This is where I then made a poor decision. I had to stand next to him whilst logging into their system. I was so angry and shocked at what just happened that I decided he wasn't going to get away with it, so I said to him.. you do realise you just almost ran us over...I was expecting he might apologise. This then started off an argument in front of the whole waiting room. I asked him why he chose to park in the only space I was standing in when there were 6 other spaces available and he just said 'it was a space wasn't it' and he said 'you shouldn't have such a big car" I said I can have what car I like (honestly it's not big just a very basic standard budget SUV, not some enormous tank!) And I was parked responsibly in the space, it is customary to need the door open when getting a child out and unfortunately they don't have child spaces with more room and I didn't want to park in the disabled spacs as that's not for me! I'm afraid he pissed me off even more with his comment about my car so I said something I wasn't proud of along the lines of "should have gone to Specsavers because I'm not sure how you didn't see me? " Anyway of course it escalated, the receptionist tried to intervene to calm us down, and then he pushed all three of us, her most as she was inbetween him and me still holding DS. I feel totally devastated because she ended up bearing the brunt of what was obviously meant for me. Also mortified this was in front of everybody, although they were very kind. But also because I should have left it well alone as I had my son in my arms, why oh why didn't I keep my mouth firmly shut?! A miss (even a near miss!) Is as good as a mile as they say. What is wrong with me, why do I put myself and others at risk just to be right? It's like the sense of injustice takes over and fight wins over flight even when it makes common sense not to poke the hornets nest.

It's happened before. I asked someone outside my house which fronts onto a footpath to pick up their dog mess and got verbally abused and I think there are other incidents I can't remember now. Incidently I always end up a shaking blubbing emotional wreck after such incidents so why do I do it??! In my head I think I'm sticking up for myself. But it usually ends up worse for me and I feel like in taking these risks, one day I could end up with myself in serious trouble or dead doing it. How can I stop myself in future when it's almost reflexive! I know I need to control myself. Incidently my husband is the complete opposite extreme and a pacifist. He avoids conflict like the plague and never gets himself in any situations like this as a result. If there is a problem with a bill or contractor I have to deal with it. Is there a middle ground?!
Incidently my DS got his vaccines (all 4!) but it wasn't at all the calm experience I was hoping for...

JayJayEl
You're right, the violence wasn't acceptable.I do think that most people will eventually hit a point where they're fed up of being goaded and argued with though.

The thing that stood out to me in the OP was that she didn't think anyone would get hurt, which suggests she only chose to go into the surgery, start a confrontation because he isn't going to get away with it, and continue to push and argue was because he was a man in his 70s. Who seriously is that bothered about winning an argument with a stranger that they get furious about a stranger's opinion of their car?

I feel sorry for the receptionist and the other people present to be honest. It was a totally unnecessary situation.

I haven't seen anyone justify the man's behaviour in the surgery @JayJayEl

What people have said is that this whole incident inside the building would never have happened if OP had kept her mouth shut, or at the very least, not gone for him in the way she did. It was never going to end well.

She's justifying her own actions by saying that it was down to adrenaline, while completely ignoring the fact that she caused the same adrenaline rush in him, by berating him in a public place. I am not saying that his physical response was justified, in saying that her own reaction to 'adrenaline' was also unjustified.

Also, the fact that a couple of posters think that he actually intended to run her and the baby over, beggars belief.

Hahaaa a day later I come back to this thread and now it's attempted murder by some accounts. Mumsnet is the gift that keeps on giving.

YuleDragon · Yesterday 19:07

OP.

Things to learn from this thread.

Let Men run you over.
Never stand in a space A Man wants.
Never speak to A Man who nearly ran you over.

..............

unfortunately men are the perpetrators of many hate crimes which can start like that - her example is a man starting it. I actually think you should be careful what you do on the streets, especially towards strange men, yes.

I completely disagree with your statement, 'most people will eventually hit a point where they're fed up of being goaded and argued with though'.

Most people may hit that point, but the vast majority would not react with physical assault!

I completely agree that her reaction to adrenaline was unjustified. But ultimately, he chose to react in a physical way. And that is far worse than the OP's behaviour.

I also agree that it is absolutely barmy that people think he was trying to run her over. 😂🙄

If I was assaulted as part of my everyday work in a doctor's surgery I would report it as such. I'm sure there would be CCTV evidence of the assault and work protocol would certainly indicate that a police report should be made.

Ok so if someone is reversing at you as they haven't seen you, you get their attention, they stop, and THEN carry on reversing at you... what would you consider it?

I'd consider it dangerous driving and a deliberate attempt at injury.. especially in the OPs case where she's already said there was NO ROOM to get out of the way and if he hadn't stopped, he would have hit her/her car.

It’s difficult to know how long someone is going to take when they’re putting or getting children out of a car, you can’t see what stage of the process they’re at, or if that’s even what they’re doing.
It’s possible the bloke might have thought she’d finished, or would at least give way to him seeing how he’d made his intention to move into the space clear. The whole incident is likely just a misunderstanding, he thought she’d move out of an empty parking space and op decided she was entitled to keep standing there, because other spaces where available.
If the bloke was seriously some murderous sociopath intent on running over women and children, is it really wise to try to force an apology in the doctors surgery, wouldn’t it be better to report a dangerous man to the police to get him off the streets ?

Don't let a situation like this affect your confidence. He was in the wrong, either he didn't see you, which is worrying, or saw you and thought nearly running into you was the way to make you move. Speaking to him in the surgery, did provoke him, but a normal well balanced person would have apologised for an incident like that. Pushing you and the receptionist shows that he was unbalanced mentally, not simply shortsighted, and should probably not be driving.
I wish I could speak up, like you, as although you have been upset and worried, at least you made your point of view known. I get upset after an incident, because I feel I have let them get away with their bad behaviour.

He was not trying to run her over, but he was trying to get her to move, by threatening to do so. It's another version of manspreading trying to invade a woman's space, by pushing her out of the way.

I am sorry, the problem lies with you, not other people. Your level of aggression is out of all proportion to the event.