For reacting to people who treat me poorly..assaulted at the doctors surgery

[Namechangey23]

I suspect the answer is yes IABU and normal people don't do this! Please help me understand why I am like this and what I can do to fix it.

This is a typical example of a situation I have got myself into by reacting and allowing myself to be provoked. I was taking my DS (1 yr) for vaccinations and parked neatly in one of many available spaces at my local surgery. Just as I was trying to get him out of his car seat with the door open, I see out of the corner of my eye this guy in his 70s or beyond starts reversing into the space I am standing in with the door open. Note that there are various other spaces even side by side which he could have gone into but no, he chose the one I was standing in with DS half out of his car seat. I waved and shouted and he stopped....then he carried on again so I screamed and shouted at him preparing to smack the back end of his car as I thought he somehow still hasn't seen me and there wasn't room for me to stand out the way. Finally he then moves off, parks opposite and walks off inside without a word.

This is where I then made a poor decision. I had to stand next to him whilst logging into their system. I was so angry and shocked at what just happened that I decided he wasn't going to get away with it, so I said to him.. you do realise you just almost ran us over...I was expecting he might apologise. This then started off an argument in front of the whole waiting room. I asked him why he chose to park in the only space I was standing in when there were 6 other spaces available and he just said 'it was a space wasn't it' and he said 'you shouldn't have such a big car" I said I can have what car I like (honestly it's not big just a very basic standard budget SUV, not some enormous tank!) And I was parked responsibly in the space, it is customary to need the door open when getting a child out and unfortunately they don't have child spaces with more room and I didn't want to park in the disabled spacs as that's not for me! I'm afraid he pissed me off even more with his comment about my car so I said something I wasn't proud of along the lines of "should have gone to Specsavers because I'm not sure how you didn't see me? " Anyway of course it escalated, the receptionist tried to intervene to calm us down, and then he pushed all three of us, her most as she was inbetween him and me still holding DS. I feel totally devastated because she ended up bearing the brunt of what was obviously meant for me. Also mortified this was in front of everybody, although they were very kind. But also because I should have left it well alone as I had my son in my arms, why oh why didn't I keep my mouth firmly shut?! A miss (even a near miss!) Is as good as a mile as they say. What is wrong with me, why do I put myself and others at risk just to be right? It's like the sense of injustice takes over and fight wins over flight even when it makes common sense not to poke the hornets nest.

It's happened before. I asked someone outside my house which fronts onto a footpath to pick up their dog mess and got verbally abused and I think there are other incidents I can't remember now. Incidently I always end up a shaking blubbing emotional wreck after such incidents so why do I do it??! In my head I think I'm sticking up for myself. But it usually ends up worse for me and I feel like in taking these risks, one day I could end up with myself in serious trouble or dead doing it. How can I stop myself in future when it's almost reflexive! I know I need to control myself. Incidently my husband is the complete opposite extreme and a pacifist. He avoids conflict like the plague and never gets himself in any situations like this as a result. If there is a problem with a bill or contractor I have to deal with it. Is there a middle ground?!
Incidently my DS got his vaccines (all 4!) but it wasn't at all the calm experience I was hoping for...

Regardless of whatever led to the verbal altercation there is never, not EVER, an excuse for physically assaulting another person. Especially a child and especially someone who isn't even a part of the argument (receptionist). To me it sounds like you've called out shitty behaviour but because others are too polite to ever do so it's somehow seen as wrong. Maybe you could have handed the situation slightly differently, but you did nothing wrong in calling him out.

I may have missed it, but I'd be interested in knowing how the receptionist/surgery dealt with his physical assault?

For what it is worth I would have reacted the same for a man woman or whoever if they tried to run me and my child over repeatedly.

Oh this makes things far more serious, as trying to run you and your child over repeatedly, is surely attempted murder?

You should have called the police immediately, why didn't you?

@Namechangey23 I found realising the reason for my getting so suddenly and irrationally angry sometimes made it get better {being powerless as a child and having to put up with abuse}
I can understand why you were frightened and thought the man might reverse into you!
I have had to 'Smack' the backs of cars occasionally when they reverse out of a driveway where it crosses a pavement! {and Doctor's Surgery car parks are notoriously bad for older people not looking before reversing.. I walk to our GP's and you really have to watch out for cars doing erratic things! , ESPECIALLY reversing where people seem to be stiff necked and don't use their mirrors or swivel their heads to look behind them.

Once I was given a lift to a funeral where the church car park gave on to a Dual Carriageway ....the old chap driving turned right into ONCOMING traffic..It was only my ''We are in the wrong lane!'' and onward vehicles beeping loudly at us that made him realise and to do a terrifying U turn ...his excuse ?

''That he lives in the Country'' and wasn't used to dual carriageways.

That was deffo squeaky bum time.

@Namechangey23

"Correct. Like to think it doesn't affect me now tho as that was a long time ago..*"
*
Well it obviously has affected you!! So much so, you've made a post about getting help for the way you react to things.

OK so you do have experiences from childhood that would explain your reactions OP? The fact they are 'a long time ago' is irrelevant. Trauma in childhood can affect people for a life time if they don't deal with it. A lot of therapy is based around this exact issue.

This thread has typically polarised into extreme responses. I don't think anyone has actually said OP should have let the car hit her. That would be ridiculous. What they are sayng, as is she, is that she over reacted AFTERWARDS leading to a situation that left her feeling awful.

Since the man did eventually move to another space, I would likely have said nothing in the waiting room. But I don't think it was wrong to do so, just that there are other ways to bring it up without antagonising. Of course it's not her fault that he pushed her but she was responsible for antagonising him (and it could well have been a woman) and she asked for help in how to avoid this kind of thing in future.

No need for all the man haters to cheer her on.

Do you think that's why there's so much male violence in the world? Because they were abused or bullied childhood?

This thread has typically polarised into extreme responses. I don't think anyone has actually said OP should have let the car hit her. That would be ridiculous. What they are sayng, as is she, is that she over reacted AFTERWARDS leading to a situation that left her feeling awful.

Since the man did eventually move to another space, I would likely have said nothing in the waiting room. But I don't think it was wrong to do so, just that there are other ways to bring it up without antagonising. Of course it's not her fault that he pushed her but she was responsible for antagonising him (and it could well have been a woman) and she asked for help in how to avoid this kind of thing in future.

I agree with this.

I think going into the reception and starting an argument, then getting angry that he didn't respond how she wanted, and continuing to push it to get the last word was a silly thing to do. OP says herself she didn't think anyone would get hurt, which suggests she only continued to keep provoking an argument because she decided he'd probably not do anything.

Most people don't go through life seeking to start arguments and have the last word. OP might benefit from trying to get to the bottom of why she feels compelled to start picking arguments with people because one day someone (of either sex) is going to not take well to a stranger goading them.

Would the man have been ‘calling out’ OP’s shitty behaviour if the roles had been reversed, or would you say it was classic male aggression in him screaming abuse for a parking mishap, and that whatever OP had done he shouldn’t have intimidated her in that way?

And if he was writing the thread it would be ‘she shouldn’t have screamed abuse at you, but…’

So OP is a dick, got it.

These days, you just don't know how someone is going to react if they are challenged.

Some don't care about being violent as a reaction, have seen this a few times.

People are generally arseholes.

OP did nothing wrong! The man assaulted HER! Why on earth might she be removed? Ffs

Good on you for calling out his behaviour! It's not great that the receptionist was pushed and they should ban him from the surgery for that. Sick of people thinking this type of behaviour is ok.

When he got out of the car he could have just said sorry and done that's the end of it no need to comment about the size of the car. He knew it was wrong and could have seriously hurt you.

I've recently called people out on a few things including colleagues who would play snog marry avoid very loudly about other colleagues making myself and a few others visibly uncomfortable. It had come to light this was also on social media. HR didn't do anything so I said to them do you want to put that on the company emails and repeat that so everyone can hear. Their response was we're only having a laugh...others then said they didn't think it was funny and it has finally stopped. It wasn't a crusade it wasn't a feeling of justice I was just fed of people being nasty.

I honestly cannot believe everybody here is defending the fact that this man ASSAULTED a woman carrying a child 😳 WTAF

Who shouted? Who screamed? You've just made that up!

I do not see everybody defending the man. I see a lot of posters correctly stating, that the OP was unwise to challenge the man in the surgery, whilst holding her young child. And it would seem that she had another child with her as well, who was no doubt distressed by the whole incident. It could have been avoided. The man was not seeking her out in the surgery, to start with her.

Some of us drive SUVs for medical reasons! I cannot get into a vehicle any lower than an SUV because of my spine. This may not be the case for OP, but please don't judge everyone who drives one as you have no idea of their reasoning

Exactly. Nobody knows what somebody else is going through so as the saying goes be kind! And don't be a dick in a drs waiting room!

This!

I've known men like him, who will passive aggressively park right next to a woman getting her kids out of an SUV just to highlight his 'anti-SUV' stance (& dominance). So that he can say "Well you shouldn't have such a big car then, should you?!"

Let's summarise that shall we? He tried to run over a CHILD to make a passive aggressive point! Then physically PUSHED mother whilst HOLDING said child.
Yet according to Mumsnet, it is SHE who is in the wrong because she said something?!?!?!

Seriously on the verge of quitting Mumsnet, after only recently joining as this is fucking unbelievable

In situations like this I think it would be interesting to hear the man's - and receptionist's - accounts. There are always two or three sides of a story and the reality is somewhere in the middle.

@NoOrdinaryMorning absolutely agree with this. One thing I've noticed since being on here is that there are a few who aren't 'women's women', and will comment purposely inflammatory things to upset somebody and put them down even. Like the ones commenting on here questioning the OPs parenting and making out she's bringing up her child to be abusive. Another post I saw recently was a woman asking for advice on a dress she wanted to wear for a date and there were people commenting taking the piss and laughing at her.

You sound quite proud of yourself like you're some kind of fiery scarlett ohara character, I think this OP is some kind of weird hunt for validation

Ultimately you were a dick. Imagine being genuinely so ill waiting in that waiting room and having to listen to this

Oh get over yourself

Absolutely
There's your version, my version and the truth. As the saying goes.