To hate him with a passion?

[HelpIcantfindaname]

Back story - Ex hubby & I took out a policy for decreasing mortgage cover when our DD was born 15 years ago in both of our names.
I'd bought the house before I met him, it's always been in my name. I've always paid the mortgage, & actually all of the other bills as he worked very few hours in a low paid job. Even when DD started school & he could have upped his hours he chose not to. He spent most of his time playing on his computer.

EX H left to live with OW when DD was 7.

He wanted me to cancel the mortgage insurance policy as he didn't want his name on it. I wanted to keep it as it meant DDs home was secure if either of us passed.

Fast forward to now - I have Stage 4 cancer & prognosis is about 10mths. I had to take ill health retirement. I never expected to be living off my pension while still paying a mortgage, money is tight. So I put in a claim for the mortgage insurance, only to find out ex H is entitled to half.

If DD wanted to live with him after I died I'd set up a trust fund, but she doesnt. She wants to stay in the house she's always lived in with her step dad & step brother. It's closer to her school & friends, & also her grown up siblings & their kids. Ex H has let her down so many times over the years, she's not keen on visiting anymore & knows he's unreliable.

Ex H originally said he wouldn't take the money. He knows its for DDs security. I'm having to dip into DDs University fund for living expenses now, with still having a mortgage to pay.

He says he's entitled to it cos he didn't take much when we divorced. Maintainance has always been paid but a very low amount, he doesn't treat DD to anything. He only put curtains in her room at his last year & she still doesn't have a proper quilt. He hasn't said he will spend the money on DD, he wants it for himself.

I don't want to give this excuse for a man a penny. Yet he's gona get £30k for nothing. He's basically cashing in on the fact I'm dying. He owns his house, has a car & still lives with the woman he left for. He doesn't need this money. We do. DD won't speak to him because he's shown money is more important to him than her security. And even though he knows she wants nothing to do with him if he takes the money he still wants it. To him it's worth losing his relationship with his only child.

I'm seeing a solicitor but I don't think we will get far.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

AIBU to hate him with a passion?

Oh my love, I don’t even know what to say apart from he’s a hateful bastard and I’m beyond sorry for what you’re going through 💐💐💐

You sound so together and brave, I’m in awe.

No, you are not being unreasonable at all. I'm so sorry

He says he's entitled to it cos he didn't take much when we divorced.

Surely he didn't get (take? - did he have a choice?) much in the divorce because he didn't contribute much to the marital home? I hope your solicitor will be able to prevent him from getting any of this money. And then wipe the floor with the waste of space.

I really hope you will get somewhere with the solicitor so you can forget about dickwad and have at least some enjoyment in your time left with your loved ones

No help from me but just wanted to say you have every right to hate him...what a xxxxxxx!

Can you do anything to publicly shame him into doing the honourable thing? Has he got parents, siblings or friends who would be appalled by what he is planning to do?

It's so far from a reasonable mindset to want to take that money and spend it on himself when his daughter needs the money, given the circumstances you are in. You are not at all wrong to feel the way you do, and I hope your solicitor can find a way to prevent him from getting access to the money.

I am so sorry, OP. I hate him too with a passion. Utter scum. Your daughter will always know which parent loved her unconditionally.
xxx

Scumbag he needs to have a nasty accident and you'll get the payout. What a creep. Sounds like your daughter has your lovely genes at least x

Oh crikey OP, what an awful situation! He sounds like an absolute waste of space. I wish I had advice, but I guess your only option is to explore your options legally. I do hope they can do something.

Sending love and hugs your way x

The dirty, rotten cunt. Praying your solicitor sorts this out because he deserves fuck all.

Karma will come for him x

I hope Karma does get him. He says his parents, sister & girlfriend all back his decision. DD feels like she's losing all that side of her family as none of them must care about her.

The solicitor we rang yesterday wanted £1k upfront just to open a case. I then spoke to Macmillan who have put us in touch with solicitors who give cancer patients a free first consultation to see if there is a case. But I'm not sure how soon I'll get that consultation. And now ex h is messaging saying if I don't agree to him having half they don't pay out at all, & he has to know by Monday as he has to ring the mortgage insurance lady.

If I'd not got cancer I'd have worked till I was 65 paying the mortgage from my salary each month & there'd be no payout.

He's either a fucking liar, or his family are as cunty as him and your daughter is better off without him. Block him until you've got this sorted.

I could weep with rage on your behalf! I hope you can find a way forwards that is fair 🌷

Your ex is utter scum. what an awful position for you to be in when your family should be getting all the support you deserve.

I have an ex like that which is why I have a Will that says if I die, all my money goes into a trust for when my children are older. He’d solely try to get custody from my mum, for the money, so I made sure that’s not an option.

You’ve every right to hate him. I know this is easy to say, but please don’t let this dominate the time you have left with your family. Write down all your hateful feelings and thoughts about him in a diary and try not to think about him the rest of the time.

your daughter is lucky that you, her step father and step brother, have shown her what true love is. I hope your solicitor can help you and wish you all the best. X

Its the nuclear option but would a local newspaper be interested?

Is there no way the property could be left entirely to DD with a Trust until she's 25?

If I'm understanding you correctly, after the mortgage is paid, there's 60k left and he's claiming half.

Get a solicitor to notify the insurer that the policy is paid out in excess of the mortgage redemption amount is under dispute.

Also, what was your financial divorce settlement? Did a solicitor overlook this at the time?

He's a first class prick with bells on.

Don’t believe a thing he says and don’t be pressured into making a quick decision. Speak to the insurance company about your position. I’d recommend stopping all contact with him. He doesn’t want what’s best for your daughter and there’s no benefit to speaking with him as he’ll only stress you out even more.

I’d be tempted to kill him.

What a piece of shit.

I know it's stressful OP but please try to remain calm so the stress doesn't exacerbate your illness.

I've said a small prayer for you.

I’m so sorry. Life is so unfair sometimes. Take care xxx

@FancyJapflack me too.

OP

the Anglia Ruskin family law clinic gives free advice on family law/divorce matters. I believe it's across the UK since Covid as they now offer by zoom.

It's lead by law professors who are supporting their law students - a friend used it and it was very good.

www.aru.ac.uk/business-and-law/economics-finance-and-law/law-clinic/about

This. He's clearly an awful person but try to keep a clear head and not react. Not sure I could take that advice myself, though...

Is there a loophole like you selling your house to your partner, something like that?