To hate him with a passion?

[HelpIcantfindaname]

Back story - Ex hubby & I took out a policy for decreasing mortgage cover when our DD was born 15 years ago in both of our names.
I'd bought the house before I met him, it's always been in my name. I've always paid the mortgage, & actually all of the other bills as he worked very few hours in a low paid job. Even when DD started school & he could have upped his hours he chose not to. He spent most of his time playing on his computer.

EX H left to live with OW when DD was 7.

He wanted me to cancel the mortgage insurance policy as he didn't want his name on it. I wanted to keep it as it meant DDs home was secure if either of us passed.

Fast forward to now - I have Stage 4 cancer & prognosis is about 10mths. I had to take ill health retirement. I never expected to be living off my pension while still paying a mortgage, money is tight. So I put in a claim for the mortgage insurance, only to find out ex H is entitled to half.

If DD wanted to live with him after I died I'd set up a trust fund, but she doesnt. She wants to stay in the house she's always lived in with her step dad & step brother. It's closer to her school & friends, & also her grown up siblings & their kids. Ex H has let her down so many times over the years, she's not keen on visiting anymore & knows he's unreliable.

Ex H originally said he wouldn't take the money. He knows its for DDs security. I'm having to dip into DDs University fund for living expenses now, with still having a mortgage to pay.

He says he's entitled to it cos he didn't take much when we divorced. Maintainance has always been paid but a very low amount, he doesn't treat DD to anything. He only put curtains in her room at his last year & she still doesn't have a proper quilt. He hasn't said he will spend the money on DD, he wants it for himself.

I don't want to give this excuse for a man a penny. Yet he's gona get £30k for nothing. He's basically cashing in on the fact I'm dying. He owns his house, has a car & still lives with the woman he left for. He doesn't need this money. We do. DD won't speak to him because he's shown money is more important to him than her security. And even though he knows she wants nothing to do with him if he takes the money he still wants it. To him it's worth losing his relationship with his only child.

I'm seeing a solicitor but I don't think we will get far.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

AIBU to hate him with a passion?

There was post about this exact situation a few years ago.

The lady also had cancer and her ex husband was going to benefit from half of a policy he had long stopped paying into.

To answer your question, you are absolutely NOT unreasonable to hate that fucker with a passion!!!
You really do need professional advice though and don't pander or crumble to his shit.
My heart goes out to you and your daughter

I am just so sorry OP, This is a horrible, horrible situation to be in. Unfortunately unless you can persuade him to give up the money there is nothing you can do.
I had to give up an extremely good insurance plan when exH left for OW because I knew he would never give up his half if anything happened.
I just had to bite the bullet and let it go. The new plan cost me loads of money and so now I can't afford to be insured at all and I had to cancelled it.
Fortunately I've now nearly paid the mortgage off so I don't need the plan as i'm mid 60's.
People will act like complete bastards for money and they don't care who they hurt in the process.

Bastard, bastard, bastard. I hate him too. I hope that it all gets sorted out.

He will get his comeuppance, evil bastard.

This op. It does come around and tenfold. Sorry you have to deal with this of all things. Some people are just vile.

What a grade A lowlife he is.

I'm sorry for you having to deal with him on top of everything else.

Please don't be forced into committing to anything at his speed.

I wonder if putting the house in trust for your DD is a way forward? Or could you drop down to an interest only mortgage? Or possibly make it so that he has to sue you or your estate to get the damn money - the onus would be on him to prove his claim to it, not the other way around.

Are his family generally scum? I've got half a mind to suggest you ring his mum and ask her what she thinks - I bet if he's told her anything at all about it, it will be that he's been paying in equally for years. If there's a chance she would be horrified and have a go at him herself, that might be worth it.

That is a disgrace. He deserves nothing. Good luck with the legal advice.

I very rarely say this on here but I'd be very tempted to go to the Daily Mail about it and have him publicly shamed.

I was going to say don’t claim it as I’d rather have nothing than give him half when he’s disgusting to be accepting it. But then isn’t it better your daughter gets your share of hers than nothing. Let him have the money and hope it brings him nothing but misery. But I really hope a solicitor can help here. I’m so sorry you find yourself in this position, it’s a really shitty thing to happen and this guy needs to be ashamed. I’d certainly make sure everyone knew he had taken money from me and his daughter, if that was the last thing I did. Believe in Karma 🙏🏻

I hate him too and wish he was the one with terminal cancer. Prick.

I agree with a pp about publically shaming him. Contact his family and see what they say.

It sounds like technically he has the right to half, but morally it’d be incredibly shitty to take it

its only 30k ffs, and hes burning the relationship with his daughter for that! Unbelievable

The policy will pay out what's left on the mortgage so just under £60k. It doesn't pay it straight to the mortgage company, but to the policy holders. So we could get the payout & spend it on anything. Obviously I'd be spending it on paying the mortgage. I thought I had everything in place should the worst ever happen, but now it has I haven't got the security for DD I thought I had.

The actual house is split between my 4 kids, with DH having a lifetime interest to live in it. If he dies before youngest DD is 30 she gets to live in it. My older kids are all in their 30s & have their own homes. My personal life insurance goes to DH & DD for her upkeep, & uni, & driving lessons. Plus to maintain the house.

Does it not just pay the mortgage off? Why would he get half if he has nothing to do with the house/mortgage anymore? Sorry if I’m a bit dim but can’t understand this.

So sorry for your predicament, you don’t need added stress I’m sure. Hugs to you. x

Is the policy not assigned to the mortgage and therefore the lender has first claim on the proceeds?

It seems unusual, unless it is completely seperate to your home insurance agreement which woukd be assigned to the lender?

Not trying to be difficult but just struggling to understand the situation and how it wasn't address in the divorce settlement.

That seems incomprehensible if its an insurance to pay of a mortgage and he decides not to. Can you make a civil claim against him?

I fucking hate him too OP. what an arsehole. I hope someone is able to help you.

I'd say he's bluffing to try and bully you. Ignore him until you have fully looked into all legal claims

Years ago, when I worked with mortgages, eve though the wording of the policy was that it paid out to the people named in the policy, the bank (or building society) would always take an assignment over it (a formally witnessed document). I would suggest that you check with your mortgage lender if this is the case here.

P.S., I also think he is scum and wish you all the best.

This man is the worst cunt ever to walk the earth.

Are you sure? I claimed on our mortgage insurance a little while ago and the payment came to the account that the Direct Debit came from. As that's my personal account, I could have done it all without DH knowing about it. I hope one of the solicitors mentioned above can help you.

Can I put glitter through his door on a daily basis?

I'm so so sorry to hear this @HelpIcantfindaname x

What an absolute pathetic excuse for a man and parent I am so sorry for you and your DD xx

OP I am so sorry and yes you have every right to hate him with every fibre of your being!! I would name and shame him all over social media, the papers and to anyone who will listen that he'd take money from your daughter whilst her mother is! Utter cunt.