To hate him with a passion?

[HelpIcantfindaname]

Back story - Ex hubby & I took out a policy for decreasing mortgage cover when our DD was born 15 years ago in both of our names.
I'd bought the house before I met him, it's always been in my name. I've always paid the mortgage, & actually all of the other bills as he worked very few hours in a low paid job. Even when DD started school & he could have upped his hours he chose not to. He spent most of his time playing on his computer.

EX H left to live with OW when DD was 7.

He wanted me to cancel the mortgage insurance policy as he didn't want his name on it. I wanted to keep it as it meant DDs home was secure if either of us passed.

Fast forward to now - I have Stage 4 cancer & prognosis is about 10mths. I had to take ill health retirement. I never expected to be living off my pension while still paying a mortgage, money is tight. So I put in a claim for the mortgage insurance, only to find out ex H is entitled to half.

If DD wanted to live with him after I died I'd set up a trust fund, but she doesnt. She wants to stay in the house she's always lived in with her step dad & step brother. It's closer to her school & friends, & also her grown up siblings & their kids. Ex H has let her down so many times over the years, she's not keen on visiting anymore & knows he's unreliable.

Ex H originally said he wouldn't take the money. He knows its for DDs security. I'm having to dip into DDs University fund for living expenses now, with still having a mortgage to pay.

He says he's entitled to it cos he didn't take much when we divorced. Maintainance has always been paid but a very low amount, he doesn't treat DD to anything. He only put curtains in her room at his last year & she still doesn't have a proper quilt. He hasn't said he will spend the money on DD, he wants it for himself.

I don't want to give this excuse for a man a penny. Yet he's gona get £30k for nothing. He's basically cashing in on the fact I'm dying. He owns his house, has a car & still lives with the woman he left for. He doesn't need this money. We do. DD won't speak to him because he's shown money is more important to him than her security. And even though he knows she wants nothing to do with him if he takes the money he still wants it. To him it's worth losing his relationship with his only child.

I'm seeing a solicitor but I don't think we will get far.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

AIBU to hate him with a passion?

I think the money will be paid to my account as I pay the premium each month & always have done. But I'd be breaking the law if I didn't give him his half.

I wasn't sure whether or not to post this, but here goes...
With all the sympathy in the world, if you're terminally ill, does it actually matter if you break the law? 💐

Op I'd say the same. It's not an immoral crime is it? If you won't be alive to answer to it what can they do?

OP I don't post often but this is such an awful situation to be in. I am so sorry for your diagnosis and hope you manage to make the most of the time you have left.

Your Ex is a twat of the highest order but you know that.

One question, and sorry if it's been asked and answered but is it worth telling the mortgage company of his plans and that the mortgage will not be paid off fully? They may be able to offer legal advice especially if it means they won't get their money.

Honestly I'd do that. You can't be prosecuted if you're not alive and he'd have to take the estate to court for it.
Just do that

I agree. Make it as hard as possible for him to get that money and it won't be such an attraction if he has to start paying out solicitors fees to even get it.

Yep me too.

It does if it leaves a problem, legal challenge, court etc for her daughter and husband to deal with. I wouldn’t put it past the ex to continue to pursue this

This! I’m so sorry you’re going through all this op, but very glad you divorced this horrible man & got to spend your life with a much better one.

Firstly, I am so sorry to hear about your health. I have a son with stage 4 cancer too. He was told he had a year to live 5 years ago an he is going strong. I think you should talk to the insurance lady today so she has both sides of the story. He might have just made that up in any case. I wonder if it's rue that his family agree with him. If that's just what he says, I would talk to his Mum. Your daughter is her grandaughter so don't you think she must have some feelings about her future.

@HelpIcantfindaname I hope that goes viral!!

Only saving grace is that your dd knows who has loved her unconditionally her whole life and which parent is a fucking cunt hasn't. You can't buy respect and love.

Since you have posted details here. It might be worth discussing with your family what the pros and cons of trying to get press attention are in terms of either raising funds or hopefully convincing your scumbag ex backing off. There are possible negatives but if all of you have the energy it might have the desired effect.

Am so sorry that you are all facing this situation

Sorry, I cannot offer any practical advice. Your ex h is an arsehole of the highest order, but I would not deal with him directly, speak through official channels only. I despair of the human race sometimes. All the best, I hope someone can help you resolve this.

Fair enough. If he's done a u turn on what he said then that's pretty crap. It's a horrible situation all round. I'd try and treasure my time with DD but no doubt it's difficult knowing he'll be taking this money. I agree that you should just spend it on the mortgage if you can.

I spoke to the insurance lady today. The money will be halved & paid into each of pur accounts if/when I agree.

Even if I don't agree, he gets his half & mine is paid to my beneficiaries when I die.

My oldest daughter set up the gofundme but they've stopped donations until we edit it what it says. Someone complained so we have to take out the bits where it says 'DDs dad'. Didn't really think he could stoop any lower. It probably won't be working again till tomorrow now.

Shame on him.

Never paid into the policy or mortgage - he's a parasite.

@HelpIcantfindaname reword it. Everyone will know who and what you are talking about. Don't be bullied.

Post once the go fund me is accepting donations again plz 💐

Please be wary of giving money on here. I'm sure people mean well but still.

And MN says "We only allow fundraising for registered charities to be promoted on our Talk boards - and these threads should be posted on the charities noticeboard. This is in the interest of protecting our users as we aren't able to vouch for or endorse individuals running crowdfunding campaigns or anything along those lines." (see talk guidelines).

I hate him too. I hope the collective power of hate from anybody reading your OP, brings karma to his door quickly.
I'm really sorry that life is so unfair 💐

the Go Fund Me page is accepting donations again

It's a horrible situation, OP.

What exactly is the GoFundMe for?

Hello everyone
We've had a number of reports from people concerned about this thread so, as we usually do in these circs, we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong. We strongly advise against parting with any cash or giving away your personal details, and if you receive a PM which makes you uneasy - report it to us and we’ll take a look.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP.

I'm so sorry OP, what an utter scumbag he is 😠