To hate him with a passion?

[HelpIcantfindaname]

Back story - Ex hubby & I took out a policy for decreasing mortgage cover when our DD was born 15 years ago in both of our names.
I'd bought the house before I met him, it's always been in my name. I've always paid the mortgage, & actually all of the other bills as he worked very few hours in a low paid job. Even when DD started school & he could have upped his hours he chose not to. He spent most of his time playing on his computer.

EX H left to live with OW when DD was 7.

He wanted me to cancel the mortgage insurance policy as he didn't want his name on it. I wanted to keep it as it meant DDs home was secure if either of us passed.

Fast forward to now - I have Stage 4 cancer & prognosis is about 10mths. I had to take ill health retirement. I never expected to be living off my pension while still paying a mortgage, money is tight. So I put in a claim for the mortgage insurance, only to find out ex H is entitled to half.

If DD wanted to live with him after I died I'd set up a trust fund, but she doesnt. She wants to stay in the house she's always lived in with her step dad & step brother. It's closer to her school & friends, & also her grown up siblings & their kids. Ex H has let her down so many times over the years, she's not keen on visiting anymore & knows he's unreliable.

Ex H originally said he wouldn't take the money. He knows its for DDs security. I'm having to dip into DDs University fund for living expenses now, with still having a mortgage to pay.

He says he's entitled to it cos he didn't take much when we divorced. Maintainance has always been paid but a very low amount, he doesn't treat DD to anything. He only put curtains in her room at his last year & she still doesn't have a proper quilt. He hasn't said he will spend the money on DD, he wants it for himself.

I don't want to give this excuse for a man a penny. Yet he's gona get £30k for nothing. He's basically cashing in on the fact I'm dying. He owns his house, has a car & still lives with the woman he left for. He doesn't need this money. We do. DD won't speak to him because he's shown money is more important to him than her security. And even though he knows she wants nothing to do with him if he takes the money he still wants it. To him it's worth losing his relationship with his only child.

I'm seeing a solicitor but I don't think we will get far.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

AIBU to hate him with a passion?

This is a VERY good idea!!!!

Have you talked to these insurance people yourself? This doesn't sound quite right. Is it possible he is lying to you? At least call them and tell them what is happening and that your solicitor will be contacting them.

What a vile vile man. At least your daughter knows who really is there for her and sounds like her step dad is doing a much better job than her 'real' father.

Thinking of you OP, I hope you get closure on this very soon.

A very good idea. In the Daily Mail, can you actually use someone's name without being sued for libel?

Please may this man's next shit be a backwards pineapple.

What an absolute cunt he is. But judging by my ex people are capable of anything. Do you have anything legal in place for your DD to stay with her step father? Would your ex be as vile as to try and get custody of her to claim child benefit etc?

I wouldn't be so sure! This is exactly the sort of scummy thing my ex would do and he would be fully backed by his equally as scummy mother and relatives!

Oh my God OP I'm so so sorry. What a horrible person he is x

This is horrendous. I can't believe what I am reading.
The only silver lining I can see here is that your daughter has a lovely stepfather who will be there for her when the tragic inevitable happens, and you can rest knowing her will take care of her.
As for your ex, I hope he chokes on your money. Very un-Christian thing of me to say, but I hope karma gets his sorry arse.

I’m so sorry. He sounds like cunt of the century.

Hes seen pound signs, and they mean more to him than his Dd. Than common human decency.

I feel sick reading this on your behalf.

He's a grade a cunt and I'm so sorry he is doing this to you and your dd. He deserves a life time of misery for it.

I believe you can if it’s true.

Exhaust the legal route and if that doesn’t work, right to your MP and ask them to support a change in the law to stop this happening. Then write to the tabloids (with an obligatory sad face pic), plaster it all over social media to try and get traction. Put
a copy of your letter to your MP on social media and ask people to support it and write to their MP’s about this issue too. Then set up a GoFund Me. Write to his employer too. If he is employed by a professional company, set up your own LinkedIn and post this story on there too.

If the policy wording says he can have the money then I suppose he is entitled to it but please make sure you shine a very bright light on what scum he is. For the record, I would glad support your GoFundMe and write to my own MP to support you.

Do you know a hit man? I occasionally wish I had one in my contacts.

What a terrible situation for you.

If you have life expectancy of less than 12 months then the insurance should pay out a terminal illness payment, so the money can be paid out before passing. Contact your insurers and ask if the plan has terminal illness benefit as standard, and if so claim the money now. I would also make sure your will is up to date and matches your wishes as to who benefits from your estate as that can be used as evidence when making a claim.

I thought it just covered what was left owing on the mortgage

Oh your ex is a grade A cunt

I’m guessing this was simply life cover taken out on a joint basis, therefore the two policyholders would be the beneficiaries unless otherwise stated or put into trust. They aren’t actually linked to mortgages or mortgage providers. That’s where you’ve sadly made the mistake, in not having this in trust for your daughter, or simply scrapping the policy and getting one just in your name. In fact, it’s usually possible to change them to single life insured from joint (I used to work for a life insurance company).

What an absolutely awful situation from start to finish. So sorry to read this 😞

He is clearly scum of the earth OP, but I think you need to decide how much emotional energy you are going to devote to sorting this out.
Time is precious so don’t waste too much on that wanker.
I know you want to secure your DD financial future but is it worth all the emotional anguish involved in fighting him.
All the best xx

This is absolutely not the classy thing to do but I'd either shame him all over Facebook or try to sell my story to a tabloid so that you can give that money to your DD.

Thank you for all of your replies.

The backwards pineapple did make me laugh.

It was actually the lady from the insurance company who told me he is legally entitled to half. As his name comes first on the policy all the post goes to him. I think the money will be paid to my account as I pay the premium each month & always have done. But I'd be breaking the law if I didn't give him his half.

Back when he left I had the shock of him leaving, 2 weeks before the summer holidays & had to change my daughter to my school as I couldn't afford the childminder & he was no longer doing any school runs. The school I taught at is always over subscribed so it wasn't easy getting her in. He took the car so I had no transport at first either. 2 weeks later I discovered there was another woman. When I had been making plans for the summer hols with his sister she knew they'd never happen as she knew OW was coming to hers to live with ex H. (OW lived abroad so it had been an online affair until he left here. I knew nothing cos he spent all his time playing on his pc.)

Our dog died those hols too. DD did not settle well into my school, she had no friends & cried every day. I had to pay for counselling for her. Changing insurance policies was not high on my list of priorities. I know I should have done it later, & would have if I'd known he could have half. Our divorce came through during Covid & I did try then, but because I was overweight & it was Covid no-one would even insure me, so I kept that one.

DD will be 16 this year. Ex H wouldn't be able to get custody. He wouldn't want the responsibility anyway, he never has.

I'm in hospital for a procedure tomorrow & then it's chemo day on Saturday, but I'll be sorting out what I can when I can. The gofundme for a solicitor is a good idea. Also naming & shaming him, that has started. But if he's not bothered about losing his daughter over this he won't be bothered about losing his friend's.

what about contacting the OW? You have nothing to lose by asking her if she is aware of what he is planning? It might be that she is grabby enough to not care and just want a holiday or something - but honestly - if an ex came to me and told us the story you have shared on here, I would a) be horrified b) speak to my partner and tell him he was being a cunt and c) see my partner in a whole new light...

I think if you are naming and shaming, that is the one place that might hurt.

@HelpIcantfindaname this is the worst thing I have read on here. Your ex is a shitting bastard. I hope he gets frequent kidney stones for the rest of his life. I hope he has constant cold sores and all his hair falls out.

Have you considered breaking the law and not sending him the money? No solicitor will advise this but I wonder how easy it will be for your ex to force you to pay out (especially if you pay off the mortgage and don't have much cash). You only have to drag it out 10 months... I'm sure a more sensible MNer will point out all the ways this can go wrong.

I just wanted to add - if not much can be done, and you've publicised his behaviour, it may be best to try and let it go. Don't let your bastard ex make these last months even harder. Staying angry will hurt you more than him. This may not be possible of course, and injustices like these are really hard to swallow.

Please set up a Gofundme, and name and shame your ex in it. I'll gladly donate.

Christonabike you think you’ve read about the lowest of the low men on here, then another one beats them to a new low.

first of all, I’m so sorry for what you are going through.

he is vile scum. Vile.

Just when you think people can't sink any lower. What an absolute leech. I'm furious on your behalf.