To not be a guarantor for my sister

[PinkShimmerSparkle]

Even though this means they and their 3 children might become homeless.
My DSis and her DH are not fantastic with money, I always assumed that they made sure that bills, mortgage etc were paid and all their nights out and their regular purchases of new technology, holidays etc were bought from disposable income but in hindsight it is obvious that they were always spending beyond their means, this is none of my business and I absolutely would never get involved or say anything.
They have both been working until recently when her DH left his job, she tells me that they have missed one mortgage payment and have now been issued an eviction notice.
They are looking at renting but everything requires a guarantor and she has asked me and DH to be one, as she knows we both earn and can save every month, but this is only because we are careful with what we spend.
I have said no but feel bad that they might become homeless.
AIBU?

Never, ever be a guarantor for anybody, in any circumstances. It is better to give money away and expect never to see it again than it is to guarantee someone else's debt.

She was getting a maximum discount which I think was 60%, even in a fire sale they'd have got more than 40% of the value of the house never mind the fact she had savings so would have been borrowing about 25% of the value of the house and the mortgage would have been less than the rent.

It was no risk to him and he wouldn't have done anything to help anyone, family members who lost money because of him would confirm that. His own son was still at school at the time but he didn't approve of his son getting married and having children and certainly wouldn't have been inclined to support that in anyway. He wouldn't even give you a lift if he was passing where you needed to go.

Like I said you don't know the individuals involved.

@Iwasafool what you've described is an entirely different scenario to OPs feckless sister. They actually had a mortgage and managed to screw it up.

I've done it twice and had no issues. I've taken in a relative and her children who were homeless. I'd rather help someone and risk it than turn my back on them.

No what I'm describing is helping family.

And guess what family can be as feckless and useless and not pay you back as anyone.

It's all well and good saying help family, it doesn't protect you when you are losing your house because you helped family.

Anyone has a right to say no.

Those discounts on social housing weren't available in the 50s and 60s, but were still available long after it was possible for women to get a mortgage without a man.

Absolutely this is a 60 odd year old story passed down through levels of bitterness in family, they says we don't know the people, but neither did they at the time.

Like I said, I don't dispute that he could have been a mean man,
but it doesn't take knowing the individuals to know that financial situations can change unexpectedly. Two diffent things.

He chose not to help, which is his perogative.
OP isn't helping because she knows her sister most likely won't be able to pay back, not out of being mean.

I've helped and been helped, but would still look at each case individually if asked in future.
Of course some people pay back but a lot don't. If you are in a position to take the risk, then fine. But if not, that's OK too.

No what I'm describing is helping family.

I'd expect the OP to prioritise her own immediate family, her children, well ahead of her feckless, spendthrift sister who will almost certainly cost her thousands and ruin her credit rating.

It's extremely likely that nobody on here will know the persons concerned, so what is your point? Is it that you just want everyone to agree that he was a nasty man? It was a completely different time, and there was enormous prejudice against working women/women trying to buy property, as well as zero job security - people were chucked out of jobs with no redress in law, not to mention the fact that he might have had other reasons for saying 'no' to your relation. He might have needed the money - his own money, after all - for something else? I can't see why you would be snarky about somebody deciding how to spend their own money, even if it was years ago.

Why are you sidetracking this thread with your sad story? It has zero relevance to OP's situation - which is about someone who is very deeply in debt, is bad with money, and who has lied to the person they want to go guarantor.

I had 15 messages and 3 missed calls on Friday and 27 messages and countless phone calls last night, she was drunk
She left a voice message that was nasty about how I was leaving her DC homeless with my selfishness and she was going to make sure everyone in our extended family knew this.
My extended family already think badly of me because I keep low contact with my immediate family, I think I’m better than them because I married into a slightly better off family, I moved away because they embarrassed me etc etc.
I have blocked my sister for now, I can’t be dealing with her.
DH looked into things and we wouldn’t qualify for guarantors anyway as we don’t earn enough (I believe someone already said this on the thread anyway).
I will still not respond even with that knowledge, I think this could be the push that I needed to go completely no contact, if my parents get involved then definitely, I just had enough now.

@PinkShimmerSparkle I'm really sorry you've got shit family. You're not alone though!

OP believe me there really is life after going no contact with immediate family members.

Remember it's not you causing this, you can do a million things to help a person out but the one thing they'll always remember is the one that you couldn't do.

How horrible.

People like her never take any personal responsibility for their own failings. Instead they abuse others because it's easier than acknowledging they themselves are the person responsible.

Do not be guilted into doing anything.

How awful. Sorry OP, but no contact sounds best. How can they blame you, one adult, for losing their home. How!!? Well, obviously they are saying it’s you and then they don’t have to blame themselves as someone has said upthread.
You and your husband sound like a great team OP. Get any responses ready for if family contact you and you want to answer, or just ignore them as well!

No contact sounds like the healthy way forward for you.

People like that take no responsibility for their own (bad) choices and (bad) behaviour and try to blame everyone else for the consequences. You don't need that in your life.

Why are you attempting to relitigate this very different case from long ago on this thread?

PinkShimmerSparkle, You and your DH have absolutely made the right decision in refusing to help her. She's really shown herself up now for the unpleasant individual she is, and she's probably suspecting you've put two and two together and realised she's well behind with her payments, not just the tosh of one month arrears she's fed you.* She sounds a horrible piece of work, wanting someone else to get themselves in financial trouble just to bail out her and partner who've been feckless with their money (but can obviously still buy drink - funny that!). *

Yes it appears the right decision seeing as this week the sister and family have been boozing it up and having takeaways despite being short of money.

Even if you won the Lotto last night she doesn't deserve a penny op. Let them blame you. Her finances are no way your responsibility..
Remember that.

I will still not respond even with that knowledge, I think this could be the push that I needed to go completely no contact, if my parents get involved then definitely, I just had enough now.

Not saying you should do this OP but in my family dynamic (with feckless siblings), I would also be texting my parents and saying ‘sister is making a big fuss of this guarantor thing when DH and I don’t qualify to be guarantors’, so we can’t do it’.

She left a voice message that was nasty about how I was leaving her DC homeless with my selfishness and she was going to make sure everyone in our extended family knew this

As I said upthread, the "suffering children" thing was utterly predictable, but then she's already lied about the "one missed payment" so I wouldn't be giving it headspace

The extended family can think what they want, but you've done the right thing in blocking her

The OP doesn't need to justify her decision to anyone. Nor should she.

And if the sister can afford to get drunk and buy takeaways, then they are not hard up.