To not be a guarantor for my sister

[PinkShimmerSparkle]

Even though this means they and their 3 children might become homeless.
My DSis and her DH are not fantastic with money, I always assumed that they made sure that bills, mortgage etc were paid and all their nights out and their regular purchases of new technology, holidays etc were bought from disposable income but in hindsight it is obvious that they were always spending beyond their means, this is none of my business and I absolutely would never get involved or say anything.
They have both been working until recently when her DH left his job, she tells me that they have missed one mortgage payment and have now been issued an eviction notice.
They are looking at renting but everything requires a guarantor and she has asked me and DH to be one, as she knows we both earn and can save every month, but this is only because we are careful with what we spend.
I have said no but feel bad that they might become homeless.
AIBU?

Please don 't do this, don 't put your own (financial) future on line. There are a lot of ways you can help your sister, by going over her finances together, try and control their debts etc. And even if they are evicted you can help by inviting them for hot meals, doing laundry etc. But please don't sign as a guarantor ❤️‍🩹

Just don’t do it. You are not responsible for their decisions. I am not responsible for my DS and she isn’t responsible for me. In fact DS is richer than Croesus and would still not lend me money (tho I do very nicely as well so in fairness would never have to ask).

In fact I am already making it quite clear to mine that they can’t expect rely on another sibling. But that’s partly so I can also impress on my MIL that actually the fact that whilst both my kids will inherit extremely well (both from us and from my parents) and already have a lot of money in ISA’s and pensions that no they will not be responsible for ‘helping out’ their cousins ie: MIL’s other grandchildren either in direct financial terms or by being expected to put them up for mates rates/nothing.

I would never ever be a guarantor for anyone. By all means try and offer them support in trying to get the right advice and to understand how to control their expenditure, and if you really wanted to then maybe even some kind of loan (just expect never to get it back), but never ever become a guarantor for anyone.

Oh that's shocking @Lavenderblue11 😲
How did you get talked into that?? And did she ever repay you? Somehow I think answer is No.

Absolutely nothing for you to be embarrassed about @Gamjs

I hope your family member repaid you.

Going back to a difficult time here, DB asked me to be guarantor, refused but offered to lend money and agreed repayment terms, DP was against it but agreed to give from my savings. 8 years later I've had the 1st 3 payments and no contact since. DB has moved home and I have no idea of where he is living.

As others have said, there is no chance they have been given an eviction letter after one missed payment. It will take at least three (depends on lender) before the bank start legal proceedings, and even then it would probably be a year before they received an eviction notice.
It's not in the banks interest to evict and repossess, it costs them a lot of money. They would rather switch you to an interest only or a longer term as they will make more money in the long run.

The fact that they have lied about this is a big enough red flag for me. It may seem a bit harsh, but never be a guarantor for someone.

A lender will not go to court for an eviction notice after one missed payment. Attempts are made to help the house holder going forward with payment plans that can be managed. So sadly, she is lying to you. She and her husband have been much more irresponsible than you know. Being Guarantor in this situation would be risky and you need to prioritise your own security and that of your family. No doubt it will be difficult, but in my opinion, you should say a very clear No.

Missing one payment does not cause everything to come crashing down. Renters who need guarantors are usually those who've defaulted on a number of payments.

You would basically be liable for their rent! I think the only person I'd guarantor for would be my own DC.

Great response from your DH. I hope you feel a bit better with his support. Clearly, she and her other half were looking to take advantage of your good nature. Take care of yourselves 💐

You don't get evicted after missing one month's mortgage. If you want to help, set them up with a financial adviser or Citizen's Advice Bureau to go through debt and expenditure. Stay out of their finances unless you're willing to give them money outright that you will never see again. It's better they're housed by the Council or buy a caravan to live in, while they work out a lifestyle they can afford.

1. Do you have the money to pay off her current debt?
2. Can you afford to pay her rent for months?
3. Do you trust her to let you know that she is not paying her future rent and not then land you with back rent to pay?

If the answer is no, then you have your answer sadly.

If you are willing to help financially, she will need probably 3 months rent up front as a deposit. But do encourage her to go straight to the council with her eviction notice

I'm so glad you have such a supportive DH

Your sister sounds incredibly immature and financially irresponsible!

This is not your problem though, but the second you agree to become her guarantor her fiancés become your problem… she’ll simply not pay her rent and you’ll be accountable!

Well done for saying no!….

The fact she’s blocked you on social media says that you mean nothing to her unless you are ‘useful’….. In fact how dare she block you and still ask for favours ! ….

I hope you are ok, I know how much family get in your head… I hope you have the ability to go no contact and not feel guilty… as I think your life is so much better without them all

With mortgages. It’s a repossession notice rather than an eviction, unless she’s in a shared ownership property. I might consider this, but she needs to be 100% honest with you and she is not being.

@PinkShimmerSparkle well done, you have done the right thing, although I appreciate how difficult this is.

I too have had a strained relationship with my sibling which led to us being very LC/NC for a few years . I found interactions with my sibling set off my anxiety, so my husband intervened and then he took my phone for a couple of weeks. In that time, lots of messages from sibling, but he read and deleted them. I would get an update when asked, but it was simplistic in terms of " she messaged and is upset, but she will be ok'. Within a couple of weeks, the messages stopped and I got my phone back and I never did read any of the messages.

I did tell the school and friends that I was off grid for a couple of weeks, but school had dh number and he could have reached me via neighbours, his family if necessary.

Hope this helps x

I asked my brother to be a guarantor on a rental flat and he politely refused.

Same for for DBF as her husband was against it.

I had a job and they trusted me, but with families of their own, it was too much of a risk.

I felt let down at the time but managed to find a flat that didn't need a guarantor.

Looking back, I totally understood why they made those decisions.

I was a single girl renting an expensive flat in London. Although they could trust me, I could have fallen ill, lost my job, met a chancer bf etc.

Don't feel bad nd if your DS has any decency, she'll come to her senses and understand one day. Even if she won't acknowledge it to you.

You did the right thing.

@PinkPinkShimmerSparkle Absolutely no way. They aren't telling you the truth either. No one gets an eviction notice over one month.

I would simply respond to your DD text and tell her to get debt advice, and a month before, they are evicted to make contact with the council over housing.

If the council won't help or can't over social housing as they have a family, they are obliged to help. Also, they can act as guarantees to the landlord, which they do here where I live providing deposits too.

The reason the council may not provide social housing is if they believe they have deliberately made themselves homeless and/or they have too much money left over from the sake of the property.

The best bet re debt is CAP (Christians Against Poverty) or StepChange. CAP provides a very good holistic service, helping far more than others with sorting out debt.

Yes, it is a service provided through the umbrella of the Christian Church. However, you do not have to be Christian or become one to have their help.

My text would go along the lines of "You're my sister, and I love you and your family dearly. However, that does not mean I will enable you. I have got anonymous advice on this. You need to contact your local council housing options who will help you and go to a debt advisory service who will help sort out your debt, contact companies to make arrangements to pay, and help you manage with your budget. You need to deal with this in a longterm grown up way. "

Suggest then those charities above. It is the only way to deal with it. Quite frankly, it sounds like she just wants to get a loan. No one will give her with her debt one. Hence, she hopes you will"

PS: I know someone ejo has hone through a repossession, and it takes around 2 years. She needs to put her house up for sale

PS: Above should say DS, not DD

My husband's uncle refused to be a guarantor for DHs mother mother. She was a war widow with a very comfortable pension (not British pension and considerably more generous.) DH was at school and she also had a fulltime job. She was offered her council house for peanuts but as a woman in the 50s or 60s couldn't get a mortgage without a male guarantor.

It would have made such a difference to her life, it would have been paid off in a few years but she was still paying rent for 40 years. She was no risk, it would have meant security for his only nephew who never knew his father. I think it was spiteful.

I think the real issue there was the general treatment of women as second class citizens by banks/mortgage lenders/society, not that someone couldn't afford to risk their own financial future and wellbeing to guarantee someone else's. Too many horror stories.

Honestly it was no risk to him, his mother also lived with his sister so it was a small mortgage, two women working fulltime plus a very generous pension. Both women hard working and honest. He was a spiteful man and he resented the fact that she was comfortably off and could send DH to private school when he couldn't do the same for his son so this was his way of getting at her. He ripped the family off for money more than once, being guarantor for him would have been a risk not the other way round.

Obviously you don't know the people involved.

I read the updates, good to read of your DH and what he has done. Hope somehow your parents won't be affected in any way by this.

Obviously you don't know the people involved.

The problem is you don't know if someone will pay you back until they don't do it.

Precisely. He might have been a spiteful man, but no one is "no risk"....
Life has no guarantees and financial situations can change overnight.

People who were once comfortably off have ended up being homeless.

It's a personal decision and he may have been a guarantor for somone else or wanted to be free to be one for his own kids.

Been there and it's not a nice feeling when loved ones refuse, but the reason why guarantors are requested is because the lenders/landlords have experience in how people can fall on hard times through no fault of their own or by living beyond their means.