To not be a guarantor for my sister

[PinkShimmerSparkle]

Even though this means they and their 3 children might become homeless.
My DSis and her DH are not fantastic with money, I always assumed that they made sure that bills, mortgage etc were paid and all their nights out and their regular purchases of new technology, holidays etc were bought from disposable income but in hindsight it is obvious that they were always spending beyond their means, this is none of my business and I absolutely would never get involved or say anything.
They have both been working until recently when her DH left his job, she tells me that they have missed one mortgage payment and have now been issued an eviction notice.
They are looking at renting but everything requires a guarantor and she has asked me and DH to be one, as she knows we both earn and can save every month, but this is only because we are careful with what we spend.
I have said no but feel bad that they might become homeless.
AIBU?

My first thought

My son recently asked me to be a guarantor on a flat. He's early 20s and not particularly reliable generally, so I refused.

Unless money is no object, I wouldn't be a guarantor for anyone!

No don't do it. It will ultimately affect your own credit rating.

Your dh deserves the ‘dh of the week’ award. Not only does he support you regarding your sister, but he recognises your (understandable-y) emotional state, and gets you a chippy tea. Well done mate!

I definitely don’t feel guilty this morning, I have been blocked on social media by my sis and BIL but not eldest DC, they also had a takeaway dinner, they clearly aren’t interested in helping themselves.

I have ignored all messages from her and will continue to, I will block if necessary but I know blocking right now will make me more anxious wondering if she’s messaging and what is being said. I’d rather know and ignore.

I won’t be telling my parents anything, I know the advice to tell and shut them down before they ask is really good advice but it won’t work, I am still thinking that she won’t tell them as one has ill health and stress can cause a hospital stay,she won’t want to be the one responsible for causing that.

As PP have said it's a bit odd that your Dsis will be put out on the streets for one missed payment.
I'm beginning to wonder if it's more a guarantor for loans that she needs and is telling you this story as it'll pull on your heart strings more.

As you say you need feel no guilt and I'm sure there are jobs out there her DH could take on for the time being until something in his field of work is available.

Pleased to hear it op. 👍
The only time to be a guarantor is if the recipient of your support is financially solvent and responsible but can't access something on a technicality, such as a young person who wouldn't otherwise be accepted as a tenant due to no credit history.
To hitch your horse to their sinking ship would be financial suicide (love a good analogy mashing 😁)

OP you would not want to be responsible for your parent ending up in hospital, even though you don't have a good relationship with them. Your sister is clearly not cast in the same mould as you. If she tells the parents and one of them ends up in hospital form stress she's probably capable of blaming you for refusing to help her and forcing her to go to them. She isn't following the same rules of being a decent human being that you are.

I definitely don’t feel guilty this morning, I have been blocked on social media by my sis and BIL but not eldest DC, they also had a takeaway dinner, they clearly aren’t interested in helping themselves.

Further proof that she is a user and does not care about you. This is the last person you can be a guarantor for. The fact she would happily have you sign as a guarantor even knowing your husband is unhappy about it, shows she has no regard for your marriage and family either.

Her lack of consideration for you all also suggests that she was probably planning to leave you to pay the rent when her and her unemployed husband inevitably spent rent money on takeaways and other luxuries.

I’m glad you don’t feel guilty - you definitely made the right decision.

I won’t be telling my parents anything,

I think this is wise also. She’ll lash out if you say anything, and use it as an excuse to send nasty messages because she’s angry you’ve said no to being a mug. Whatever she does or says to your parents and the impact of that will be completely her fault , even if she tries to blame you the truth is obviously it’s not. You can’t control this entire situation - you can only manage your own interactions with her.

Fair to say your "D"Sis and BIL are cunts.

No, you aren’t.

They had a takeaway!

Well done OP.

Wow, they’re delusional. They’ve got their family into a serious financial mess and she’s blocking YOU , because you can’t help out?!

@PinkShimmerSparkle

I won’t be telling my parents anything, I know the advice to tell and shut them down before they ask is really good advice but it won’t work, I am still thinking that she won’t tell them as one has ill health and stress can cause a hospital stay,she won’t want to be the one responsible for causing that.

Totally agree with you. I'm afraid it'd be a situation of 'kill the messenger' and you'd end up bearing the brunt from both your parents and your sister for 'tattling'. Besides, it's not your responsibility to 'protect' your parents from your sisters importuning, ill health notwithstanding. Your parents are adults and capable of handling their own finances and making their own decisions.

And I also understand about not blocking. Sometimes it's just better to 'know'.

Just tell her that you cant afford to support that. Which you cant.

Effectively, being a guarantor means you are accepting that you can and will pay the rental amount if they cannot collect from the tenants.

You work really hard to have savings and those are yours for whatever you wish to spend it on and your own safety net. If paying her rental would you have those savings?

I would only agree if you are able to afford the rent, without sacrificing your own savings etc which you're not in a position to do.

No other explanation needed other than "sorry, we are not in the financial situation to be a guarantor".

You should not be her guarantor for all the reasons outlined (as you know).
Most people don't realise how big a commitment it is (that's why homeowners are preferred as they have ... a home to sell).
Also, if it's a shared house, depending on the contract type, you might be responsible for ANY damage done by any of the tenants, or their friends, or any random that one of them invited back from the pub.
Bur, just in case it's of use to anyone, there is potentially a useful form of insurance that a tenant can buy.
https://housinghand.co.uk/rent-guarantor-vs-rental-guarantee-insurance/

If you want to offer an olive branch in the near future, you could always offer to help them with budgeting - it is what has got you to where you are financially. Am sure you will get told to knacker off - but still it is something you clearly have to offer.

This ☝️
My husband was made redundant 6 months ago and we struggled. Most mortgage providers would rather work with you and come up with a payment plan. Which is what we did.

As PP’s have said, this isn’t one missed payment. This will be several months missed payments if it’s going to repossession.

So she’s a liar. And if she’s lied about that, I would put money on her lying about why her DH is out of work. Because I smell a rat. I’m more inclined to believe he was sacked. Not that he left of his own accord over some ‘disagreement’. More likely the ‘disagreement’ was what got him fired.

Your DH has handled this perfectly. And it absolutely is his business. If you have shared finances/financial connection, which you would as a married couple, then he would be impacted by any big financial decisions you made. So it’s every bit his business!

@PinkShimmerSparkle Well done. Don't succumb to the manipulation and protect your own wellbeing, mental health and financial security.

It is understandable that you feel bad but your sister is lying to you and trying to guilt you into bailing them out.

Not your problem, genuinely.

I was once a guarantor for a family member. 3 months later I had the debt collector coming down heavy on me! I was so scared and embarrassed. Don’t do it!

If you act as guarantor I can guarantee that you will be liable for their arrears and could be made homeless yourself. DO NOT DO IT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES NO MATTER WHAT PRESSURE PUT ON YOU. They got themselves in this position so they need to get their heads out of their rear ends and acknowledge their irresponsible behaviour.

She is telling you lies. That in itself means you can't afford to be guarantor. Don't be conned into a situation that endangers you and your household.

You can if you dont keep up with your mortgage payments. You loose your house, the bank takes it. Although ot would take more than 1 missed payment.

Don't do it. I once acted as guarantor for my dad's partner's daughter when she wanted an expensive new suite on credit. She promptly sold it to her friend after I'd signed the paperwork, leaving the bailiffs to come after me.