To ask DH to not turn on the family T.V on the evenings that are 'my choice nights'

[Aaaarrrrgggghhhh]

DH and I have had an agreement in place for many years where we have set nights for choosing what to watch on T.V. He's a bit of a remote hog and so we set this up based loosely around the shifts I used to work. 3 evenings of the week are mine, but if I'm out he can watch what he wants. The other days are his days. On my evenings I still have to drive our DC to their various clubs so he still gets some time to watch what he wants. (DC do not 'want in' on our rota as they prefer to watch their phones for their screen time.) Recently on my evenings I have chosen to keep the T.V turned off, still sat in the lounge ( open plan lounge/diner) , but doing other stuff and enjoying the quieter atmosphere. However DH just wanders in and turns the T.V on. When I query this his response is usually, "well you weren't watching it" or "you'll be going out soon" He has access to Netflix and Amazon Prime on his phone. AIBU if I ask him to turn the T.V off on my nights if I am choosing No T.V?

Agree. I find this set up bizarre, and I have sensory issues leading to a need for quiet quite often. If you crave quiet, give quiet in another room that doesn’t involve you dictating what someone else can watch on telly, even though you don’t want to watch it yourself.

And clearing out a dresser in the evening when he’s trying to relax in the same room isn’t considerate either. Unless there’s no other time to do it, I would leave that to a time that isn’t the evening wind down zone.

This is exactly why I hate that so many homes are going open plan. Instead of you both being able to have a day room for you to do what you want in the evening, you just annoyed eachother with noise/lack of noise.

He watches the same shows again and again, not even really watching, as playing on his phone too. I would generally relocate, but am trying to sort through a dresser which is in the same room.

Yes. I'm autistic and find it relaxing.

He watches the same shows again and again
Why are people so sneery re this? Would they do the same to someone who reads a favourite book or listens to a favourite piece of music multiple times?

Yeah you're being unreasonable. Put headphones in, get a second TV... change rooms. I find it really odd you restrict him using it when you aren't, and quite controlling as a PP said

Do what you’re doing elsewhere tbh, just choose to be nice 🤷🏻‍♀️ why not? It’s pretty miserable (and strange tbh, who does that??) to watch tv on your phone.

I don’t understand why people think the tv being on is the default.

you’ve agreed to each have your own night which is fair enough if it works for you. You should be able to decide to have peace and quiet if you want on your nights.

Why should the ops husband get to take her nights because he wants tv and she doesn’t? I think some posters can’t get their heads around the idea of an evening without tv.

Play music in the room while you're doing other things, that gives your a bit more go a legitimate excuse to ask him to not turn the tv on in the room. You could even stream YouTube music clips (they often have just a static picture rather than a video as such!) through the TV.

I think if it was rephrased 'we have set nights where we get to choose what happens in the sitting room' rather than what is on the TV people would have not seen it as controlling.

As long as there is a fair split of nights and both agree to the plan the. I think it's just as valid to say 'no tv. As 'I want to watch xxx'.

Sorry this is downright weird all around. Surely as a couple you look at what's on and decide jointly what to watch or to turn it off?

Doubly weird you are demanding keeping it off like you would a child

@Aaaarrrrgggghhhh does your dh know how much you resent his watching TV him?

Because TV is a screen and MN loves to sneer about screens.

If you want to sit in silence, that’s fine.

But he shouldn’t have to do this too.

You need to go and find a different room to sit in, not the TV room.

FWIW I watch the same shows over and over eg friends and put them on as soon as I’m done with everything.
As I find them a good way to help me unwind and let go of the working day.

I would happily compromise on what we have on but I would struggle to have nothing on.

Many MNers would judge but I have a stressful job/life and I have found a way to help me relieve some of that stress and I don’t think that’s anything to be ashamed of.

Agree with this. I can’t think of anything worse than having noise-cancelling headphones on while the telly flickers on.

Not every house is set up for multiple TVs. It’s reasonable for the person using the room and doing something in it – and doing nothing/silence/reading/pottering is perfectly valid – to object to someone else coming in and putting the telly on for no other purpose than background noise while he looks at his phone. He can look at his phone somewhere else.

It sounds like DH has four nights of TV that’s solely his choice, plus three nights where he gets some TV of solely his choice while the OP does all the ferrying of the kids, and the remainder of those three nights he has TV that’s not his choice, with the OP asking for occasionally the TV to be off. How much telly does one man need? Every night all night? Perhaps he could get together with the weird £108 fizzy drink man from the other thread.

And some so proud of it! 'Oh urg he's watched Line of Duty 5 times, how can he do that on repeat... urg, me I listen Elgar Nimrod and read Chaucer The Millers Tale daily, I am considerably better'....

This!

It is literally treating him like a child.

I have screen restrictions for my child but I’d never do this for an adult.

If my DH tried to tell me I’m not allowed to turn the TV on on certain days, I would be running for the hills.
He’s my partner, not my dad.

Not everyone has a tv room and a separate relaxing sitting room

The kids don't get to watch TV other than what you choose, or they look at stuff on their phone?
How old are your kids and how do you know what they're watching for hours on end? Or are you too busy arguing about TV rotas with your other half?

Good point 😆
I watch too much tv and I spend too much time on Mumsnet, please kill me now!

Absoutely this

I enjoy a film over and over, or a show over and over because I enjoyed it or because I didnt take it all in the first time round, particularly documentaries. I read books more than once, I listen to songs more than once.

I even eat the same meal more than once!!!

@MyGooseisTotallyLoose Headphones are not enough - the flickering screen is designed to catch attention.

It's not about sitting in silence. It's about actually getting the opportunity to do other things than watch the television.

How bizarre.

Amazing how many people have 'flickering screens' like as if the TV is from the 20s in a big wooden box

I mean the 1920s!!!