Aibu to think my parents should buy me a bed?

[Girlinengland]

I moved out of my parents house for uni at 18, moved back in with them at 21 then went to live in a rented house share a few years later. My parents were not supportive of this, saying I should save money to buy a house (I was working and earning well) but I don’t regret it one bit, I had the best years of my life in that house. I think that’s the reason why I wasn’t asked if I needed anything for my new house.

Years later, my sibling moved out to live with her boyfriend in the flat he’d bought. My parents bought them a bed. Not your average cheap Ikea bed - I’m talking one of those very pricey ones, and other bits and pieces.

I told my parents I was disappointed I’d not been offered anything when I moved out and they said “when you move in with a boyfriend we’ll buy you a bed too.”

So… I’m only worthy of a bed if I’m shacked up then? Great.

When I did move in with my boyfriend a year or so ago, I kept dropping hints we were bed shopping and my mum never ever offered to buy us one, despite previous promises. For some reason asking outright made me uncomfortable and it upset me she may have “forgotten” to ask what I need.

We’re now moving out of that house to live a few hours away, but I’ll still be spending a few nights a week at my parent’s house. The only bed there for me is over 15 years old and my grandad slept on it for years. It’s full of coffee, tea and urine stains. I don’t want to sleep on it.

I asked my mum if there’d be a new bed for when I moved in and she said “either sleep on the one we have because the stains aren’t that bad, or buy yourself a new one.”

I outright said “most people would ensure their adult daughter has a clean bed to sleep on when she stays.”

She’s now saying she’ll buy me a bed and assumed i meant I’d be taking the “new” bed with me after I don’t need to stay there anymore, which makes me even more upset…. Because she bought an almost £1k bed for my sibling and she still technically “owes” me one!

I should say that money isn’t an issue for my parents and neither is space. Their house has plenty of empty bedrooms with spaces for beds that for one reason or another, have no beds in them.

So AIBU to think my parents should buy me a bed?

😂😂 So glad I was brought up in the1980s. Half way to death now! 😂😂

It's really easy to write 'don't be bitter' about a situation where one sibling is clearly preferred to the other. After all, that solves it doesn't it? 'Just don't be upset about it.' Brilliant.

OP, I get it. It sounds really unfair and of course this isn't really about the bed at all. I'm sorry you've had such dismissive responses. I can tell that this ongoing issue has taken up a lot of your thoughts and energy and has been really hurtful.

So my question is, how does holding these feelings of being "second best" serve you? Do you have any benefits from it?

And, what does a better future look like with your family - what do you want and/or need from them that you could realistically get? Could you create a situation that doesn't eat you up?

You only need to replace the mattress, not the bed then. Unless a bed is broken then they can last decades. A mattress you can get from IKEA for less than £200, you could just buy one yourself.

That's not same as discrimination OP has experienced from her own parents.

You could politely ask whether you could get a new mattress (they should be replaced every so often anyway). Surely it is a new mattress you would like - not the base unit?

Voted AIBU as you sound so entitled. However, just so you know you’re not the only one, my parents brought my siblings a big present like sofas/wardrobes/a bed when they got married and moved in with their husband. I got nothing when I moved in with my LT boyfriend and I was told it’s because I was “living in sin”. Whatever.

You're clearly a grown up, having the best years of your life, to quote you directly.

Stop being so entitled.

I do wonder if OP is a bit of a total flake, no offence, but if you’re the kind of person who lives in the moment for yourself, it would make sense that your parents may not feel it’s the right time to drop some big ££‘s with your unpredictable lifestyle. The bed for your sister sounds like mentioned, a house warning gift of sorts and she’s settled in a home with her partner, if you’d taken them up on their generous offer of staying at home and saving for your own home (many young people would love the luxury of being able to do this) perhaps they too would have also gotten you a bed (on the purchase of your house). That they make your stay fairly uncomfortable at home, seems like they want to discourage you from staying there - perhaps trying to encourage you to understand some realities, before you turn into an entitled, drifting 30-something.

I agree, a mattress would be reasonable if an incontinent person had been using the bed. Not getting why you would buy another bed though.

You'll get a lot of comments saying you are entitled.. but I don't think you are being unreasonable actually. I know what it's like to have wealthy parents who seem to prioritise everything else in the world before they'd think of you. And it hurts. It would hurt less if they just genuinely couldn't afford it or would have to sacrifice something important. But when you see your well off parents treating you as a last thought well below siblings or other relatives etc etc.. it does get to you. It's not so much about the money as it is that it kinda looks like they just don't give that much of a shit about you. Making you sleep in a stained bed when they could easily afford to replace it is sad actually.

@Girlinengland you need to press the three dots and then “quote” to reply to specific posts. If you just press the misleadingly named “reply” button it just adds a standard reply to the thread and we can’t see who you’re responding to.

The bed issue is a joke. You sound like a child.

LOL at posters saying she should go “low/no contact” after this. Seems like OP can’t do that as she needs to stay at their house a 8 times a month 🤣🤣

If your parents paid for your sisters university fees and not yours then fair enough I’d be questioning why at the time and stating the unfairness. Since this wasn’t brought up in the initial post though I’m not sure it’s actually true, just a way for OP to turn the tide after it wasn’t going her way.

The bed is a red herring isn’t it. There’s a wider issue about your parents seemingly treating your sister much more favourably. Do you have a feel as to why that would be? If not then I think the only solution is to have a conversation with your parents, but I would frame it around not being treated the same as your sister rather than getting hung up on the bed specifically.

@Ciri I fully funded myself at uni at 18. I didn’t have a heavy lecture schedule so worked full time in a bakery on top of attending lectures. It’s perfectly doable!

The uni fees could mean anything, perhaps her sister studied a real profession, and OP insisted on some vague degree her parents advised her against and which they’d said they’d not pay for, again, we are hearing OP’s side of “unfairness”, perhaps OP just doesn’t make good choices.

I studied law. My sister did events.

Buy your own bed end of . This is shocking. Parents raise your children to be independent

In return for 8 nights' accommodation, I'd happily spend a couple of hundred pounds on a mattress that I'd enjoy sleeping on. If that's too much, maybe a mattress protector? That would fit in a suitcase...

Shouldn't have been needed really if people were switched on. It was pretty obvious from the OP that this wasn't really about a bed.

Yes, absolutely, let's assume the worst of her. Always assume the worst unless specifically told otherwise.

Eight nights accomodation....? Or just staying over at her parents. Seems very formal. Do people really think like this?

Yes. People on MN who want to find any reason for throwing shade at the OP.

Honestly can't believe the hard time the ops getting. Her parents sound absolutely horrendous....I cannot imagine my kids even as adults staying over and me expecting them to sleep on a piss stained mattress. It's just horrible

Did you read the OP’s posts before bashing your face onto the keyboard to make that ludicrous attack on her?

This is about her parents treating her and her sister very, very differently.