Wedding guest issues, WWYD?

[2024Bride]

I'm getting married this year, tricky situation has developed where one of the guests also attends a gym that I go to. I have walked in to the gym this week and said guest was there but completely unaware that I had walked in behind her and her friend. I hear their conversation and basically this guest is having an affair with another guest who is invited with his wife! I am in shock. I won't go into detail in case it's outing, but they won't be aware that one another is invited to the wedding yet, only the gym guest out of the 2 has had their invite up to now. I have told my DP I don't want them at the wedding now, but how on earth do I explain that when it comes around given that these are people who are close enough to be expecting an invite! It's none of my business what they do I get that, but they both have husbands and wives that this would shatter! What do I even do? I don't want them at my wedding, I feel awful not telling their partners as they are both close to us (not related). WWYD? I wish I was wrong but it was definitely what was being discussed, and there are reasons that I 100% know which man she was talking about which I won't say on here, and also what she has been getting up to with him 🤯🤯

A friend of mine told me she had had an affair. I have never told anyone. Her marriage is still intact and happy and we have never mentioned the matter again. No-one has the right to tell other people what to do with their lives. You can suggest but not threaten, as you did JennyCQ - that's very controlling.

I would tell them now. Imagine if this was you and your husband did this - wouldn’t you want to know. Don’t be that person. Tell them and tell them now.

If it was a close friend and they didn't tell me I'd be fucking livid and find it hard to move past that.

If it was a friend who wasn't particularly close - I wouldn't be so upset (at them).

This.

Uninvited the gym bunny. Tell her why. It might cause a domino effect and solve the problem. If not, then tell the partners.

Only other option is to keep this to yourself and stick to the guestlist. All other scenarios will turn you into the badguy in the spouses eyes.

OP is damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t so on that basis I would pretend I never heard it and pretend I knew nothing. Ignorance is bliss.

If you’re sure that the affair partners will behave themselves at your wedding, I would take a deep breath and leave well alone. It wasn’t a conversation meant for your ears, and if you involve yourself now, when the affair inevitably comes out, you’ll lose friends if it’s discovered that you knew and said nothing.

However, given that there’s usually alcohol flowing at these events you’d need to be sure that there’s no likelihood of things blowing apart when these two couples are thrown together. Are they invited to the ceremony ? Can you make sure on the seating plan that they are as far apart as possible at the reception ? Your only other course of action if you’re concerned about trouble developing on the day is to have a quiet word with each affair partner and tell them you know everything, then uninvite them. But I think that’s a last resort to be honest. Sorry this is putting a damper on your big day, and I wish you a long and happy marriage.

This is not an easy position to be in , I am sorry .
are you very good friends with the injured parties ? If the answer is yes , I would definitely consider telling them . The thing is , the fall out would be awful , I imagine , so to minimise disruption to your wedding day I would not have either couple at the wedding and consider talking to your friends after you have come back from honeymoon.
Personally , I would consider doing this only if you are VERY good friends the injured parties, as it’s bound to get very messy .
if you are in a wider group of friends and you are not very close , I would probably not say anything, as the cost of revealing this will inevitably come back to you in some way .

Just pretend you didn't hear and invite both.

@2024Bride

You either need to tell the innocent partners what you overheard, or say nothing. What's the point in telling the people who are having the affair? Other than to make them more cautious.

If my partner was having an affair I'd want to know so I could make my own decisions about what to do. Not be carried along on the lies of my partner as to why we've been uninvited/ not invited to a wedding.

You do know the affair people will lie and paint you in a bad light about it, don't you? So they're protected if you later decide to say something.

Decide which one you most want there of the two affair partners. Then say to the other "Sorry, I invited you/intended to invite you before I knew about your situation with Sam. Sam will be there and I don't want to risk drama or awkwardness".

I'd just invite them both and stay out of it. They may be shocked when they see each other but I'm not sure they will declare the affair at the wedding. Depending on when the wedding is then it all may come out and kick off before the big day anyway.

If you are very close to the person being cheated on, they may wish to know anyway so that is up to you what you do with that knowledge.

This wouldn’t bother me at all. My friends do all sorts I wouldn’t do, but where do you draw the line?

They are more likely to be squirming far more than you, so let them deal with it.

The conversation OP walked in on wasn’t meant for her to hear. Even if it were, that doesn’t give her the right to wade in and destroy two marriages. The affair will either run its’ course and normal service will resume, or it won’t, and the partners will eventually find out. Can’t believe the number of posters who think they have a moral duty to involve themselves in something that’s nothing to do with them.

I don’t see the issue.
You invite who you want to it’s not your responsibility to micromanage their lives.
I doubt they’ll be snogging at the wedding.

You are just creating more drama. Surely the partners will be upset at being disinvited / not invited to the wedding? This will only cause potentially additional confusion and upset and it puts you and your wedding at the centre of the drama. Why would you want to invite that kind of drama into your life?
This is none of your business. It has come from a conversation you shouldn’t have overheard that pertain to the relationships/ lives/ choices of others, which are none of your business. Mind your own and don’t throw fuel on the fire.

I’m all for letting friends know if their DP is cheating, but in this particular circumstance I’d ignore the whole thing. It involves 2 people you know rather than 1, well in fact 4, and the whole thing will just blow up in your face.

As someone who has been cheated on, if others in my friendship group had known and carried on as normal, I would have felt this was colluding with the cheater. I would have felt hurt/let down and also humiliated. Your friends clearly aren't being very discreet so it would seem like it's only a matter of time before others find out.

I definitely think you need to tell the cheating partners and ask them to resolve the invitation situation/that you don't want them both there.

I would want to be told I was being cheated on. Is there anyone that wouldn't want to be told?! But I'd rather hear it from my partner than another person.

You know how close you are to someone if you need to think about this. Family and my closest friends I wouldn't have to think about it, I would know I had to tell them.

Anyone else, I would forget what I overhead and just let them sort out their own business and send the invites out.

Did the gym friend realise that you were standing behind and overheard her?

The Wedding Invitation thing is not related to this other situation.
Therefore if your Wedding Invitations have to be out by next Tuesday say, then go ahead and do that. The invitations should all go out on the same day.

THEN decide what to do about what you overheard. I would see that as unrelated. By the time the wedding comes around you those people can decide if they are going or not.

So don't implicate yourself more than you have to.
And don't let it mess up your wedding. It's not a moral decision to send out the invitations. It's a moral decision whether to inform the woman/women involved.

I doubt any of them will cause drama at the wedding with their partners there.

I always thought I would tell friends etc if I knew of partners cheating but after an experience where I did tell and was not believed and lost a friend in the process, I just keep myself out of it now. It always comes out in the end, doesn't it?

I assume they dont know you overheard? In that case I would just stay quiet. Its a lot different than if someone knows you know etc because friends will question why you didnt tell them etc.

Your wedding day is such a busy day, you'll not even notice them there really.

I would however, rearrange seating plans at dinner etc so these couple were not seated together for an extended time. Call it damage control.

I have no idea why you need to do anything here, or uninvite people?

You have zero idea what goes on behind closed doors, and these 2 marriages, and what goes on within them, is entirely none of your business.

Are you saying, that only squeaky clean people can attend your big day, so that it stays pure or something? I hate to break it to you, but you'd have to uninvite a few more people if that's the case.

The adulterers in question must talk - they will know they are both invited and can bow out, if they think it will be awkward.

Just carry on, and don't even give this any more thought.

Nothing will create more drama, that you uninviting these 2 couples, as they and everyone will be asking "Whyyyyyy?"

Its your wedding and you invite who you want. I can see that this situation is difficult for you. You can certainly not invite the guest waiting for an invite,,,And uninvite the one who has already received the invite.
Be prepared to be ask questions and lose friends over this if the truth comes out