Wedding guest issues, WWYD?

[2024Bride]

I'm getting married this year, tricky situation has developed where one of the guests also attends a gym that I go to. I have walked in to the gym this week and said guest was there but completely unaware that I had walked in behind her and her friend. I hear their conversation and basically this guest is having an affair with another guest who is invited with his wife! I am in shock. I won't go into detail in case it's outing, but they won't be aware that one another is invited to the wedding yet, only the gym guest out of the 2 has had their invite up to now. I have told my DP I don't want them at the wedding now, but how on earth do I explain that when it comes around given that these are people who are close enough to be expecting an invite! It's none of my business what they do I get that, but they both have husbands and wives that this would shatter! What do I even do? I don't want them at my wedding, I feel awful not telling their partners as they are both close to us (not related). WWYD? I wish I was wrong but it was definitely what was being discussed, and there are reasons that I 100% know which man she was talking about which I won't say on here, and also what she has been getting up to with him 🤯🤯

Just ignore the fact you heard this and invite everyone you had planned to. It’s up to them to sort their dirty laundry and some may even choose not to attend as a result. None of this has to be done by you then and you stay out of it.

I appreciate you know, but it’s not your place to do or say anything. You might not even know the full story!

Do you want to have a smooth wedding? Keep quiet.

I do wish @2024Bride would come back. She's the only one who knows all the dynamics at play here. Is she actually close to any of them? In which case, this is all a storm in a teacup

This isn’t about your wedding tbh, you need to tell your good friends what’s going on. Knowing it and not is almost as bad as doing it imo.

You are not being unreasonable however you are basing your decision on something you overheard and not hard proof (witnessing the two people together having the affair). Therefore invite the two couples to the wedding as we’ve all heard things about people’s poor behaviour before without proof and still stayed friends with them. If the partners find out and ask if you knew simply say you had your suspicions but no hard proof and didn’t want to break up a marriage or friendship without having the proof to share it with them. Good luck.

I'd ask the 2 filthies for a meeting, don't tell each other that the other will be there, and just watch it unfold. Separate issue to the wedding, let them decline the invite after this should they wish.

No it doesn’t but I would personally rather know what’s going on than stay in the dark and if I found out someone knew and didn’t tell me that would hurt

IME the teller often ends up being seen as the 'bad guy' and loses the friendship anyway (in this case it would be with both couples). The messenger tends to get well and truly riddled with bullets.

I really don't see the problem with both couples coming to the wedding. They aren't going to blow their cover in front of their spouses. They will be discrete, eat with their mouths closed and well behaved.

I assume it is your "moral high ground" that is causing the problems. You are disgusted at the situation, which is understandable. It isn't very nice. But in my experience these friends will be a distant memory in a few years' time. I'm only loosely in touch with a few friends who came to my wedding (apart from relatives obviously).

Life moves on. Your life is moving on - you're beginning a married journey. These people will be so umimportant to you in a surprisingly short space of time that it isn't worth worrying about.

Just let them come to the wedding. Like I said, they are hardly likely to cause themselves grief.

If you tell them (as some people are advising) or only invite the faithful half of the couples (which is basically the same as telling them as they will work it/find out) then you are effectively lobbing in an emotional hand grenade into a delicate situation. And don't expect any thanks for your interference from the innocent parties. Of course the ones having the affair are absolutely in the wrong in their treatment of their partners but you would be acting as judge, jury and executioner. I would be thinking very carefully before acting. And this is something you overheard - are you 100% sure you have all the facts?

If you really don't want them at your wedding and feel you must tell their partners, then personally I would do it anonymously and stand well back after lighting the touch paper. Personally I wouldn't get involved.

You’re being unreasonable. I think the OP doesn’t want this at her wedding and the potential blow up or awkwardness as she knows. That’s tough on her and it’s her and her partners day.

Then the op can uninvite all of them and be done with it. It's not hard. How it got to 15 pages of banter over a simple solution is beyond me. If she really doesn't want them at her wedding, she needs to deal with it and uninvite them.

Doesn’t want what? They’re not going to be shagging at the wedding? If OP hadn’t overheard she would have been none the wiser. It’s for the 4 of them to sort out not for OP to put her oar in. She will undoubtedly be asked to other functions with them, is she going to boycott them all?

Either tell both spouses about the adultery, disinvite both couples (not possible) or stay out of it completely.

No she can’t. Disinviting people from wedding, particularly good friends is just a MN thing, you can’t do that in real life unless you want to lose your friends. And why should the innocent parties be insulted by the OP in this way? They’ve done nothing wrong.

Look at it this way, had you been 10 minutes later arriving at the gym, you wouldn't know anything about it.
They might be friends, but it's not up to you to manage the situation.
Who's to say other couples are not involved with other people.
I woud leave well alone.
Don't let it spoil your wedding

That's why I originally said to just deal with both couples at the wedding and decide how to handle the friendships after. FGS, it's not that big of a deal.

It's not pleasant, but as you've chosen not to tell their partners, it's also none of your business. Stay out of it. Besides, you might have misheard, misunderstood, it they might have an open marriage that they don't advertise. Causing drama around your OWN wedding would be a really daft thing to do.

You could always find a way to tell each partner anonymously what’s going on. Set up a fake email / social media account etc. Give the same details that you overheard in the gym

It would depend in how close they were for me. If it was a friend who was the kind of friend I would socialise with in groups with or who I was closer to the partner than them I wouldn't mind them not telling me and would probably not even want to hear it from them. If it was a really close friend, like one I would call in a crisis, one I have spoke to in confidence about relationships, I would 100% want them to tell me and if I found out they knew and hadn't told me I think the trust would be gone and the friendship would never be the same.

I’m sorry but your lack of understanding is baffling. She doesn’t want the awkwardness at her wedding of speaking to the people concerned and worrying about it, or worrying about it potentially blowing up. I really don’t think that’s hard to understand. Yes, I also agree it’s probably best to just keep your nose out but she knows now so not understanding that she would be concerned is just a bit odd.

I think you’re right here though. How did it get to 15 pages of this?! 🤣 that made me laugh. There must be a lot of bored or stressed people looking for an escape on mumsnet today (and I include myself in the latter)

This right here. Make it their problem because let's face it, it IS their problem.

What I’m getting from this is if you’re friends with both halves of a couple you’ll lie to one half. I refused to lie or cover for her, which by telling me she was asking me to do. Call me controlling but I’m not about to lie to my friends if I find out they’ve been cheated on, and I gave her the opportunity to come clean before I told him and she chose to tell him herself 🤷‍♀️ also you’re right, no one has the right to tell other people what to do with their lives, including expecting a friend to lie and cover up your affair for you.

You need to be up front and tell her and the man why they are not being invited. How they explain to their other halves is up to them.

Regarding your wedding, I would send the invites as normal but I would speak to the two people having and affair and simply say. You tell them (their partner) or you will and leave it at that.
I’d give them a time frame in which to tell them and if they haven’t, I honestly would.
I highly doubt they’d come to your wedding after that xx