AIBU to miss work trip because I don’t want to leave DS?

[TheBerry]

There is a work trip coming up to meet a new member of our small team, and get together generally. We all work remotely so don’t see one another much, but all get on very well. The trip would involve a 3 hour drive each way and an overnight stay.

DS is 17mo and I just feel so anxious and sad at the thought of leaving him! I know that I am generally overly anxious about things, and he should be totally fine with DH for a couple of days, but I can’t shake the anxiety.

Pre-DS I loved work trips and would have really enjoyed it. I would definitely regret not going in some ways, as I’d miss out on socialising and bonding with my work friends and having a nice meal and night out.

My work is very chill and flexible so they’d be fine if I said I didn’t feel comfortable going.

I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to miss out on the socialising and networking, and I guess it could affect my progression in the company if I never show for anything, but also I just really don’t want to leave DS.

What would you do??

YABU - you should go, you’re stressing over nothing, it’s a valuable networking opportunity and DS will be fine

YANBU - DS is still only little and it’s normal to not want to be so far away from him, stay at home

Honestly this isn't healthy.
Bite the bullet and go. You may find it's not that bad. Try and enjoy yourself. You can facetime.

It s very important to be comfortable with dad looking after dc including overnight.
Just go. It is one night.
Daddy can handle any issue.

Given that it sounds like it's DH's first solo overnight with DS, it would be really unfair to also lumber him with the challenge of having to contain a 17 month old in a hotel room hours away from home for a day and a half.

I'm sure both DH and DS would feel more comfortable being at home with all their stuff and DS in his normal routine.

I would go. It’s healthy for DS and DH relationship if he takes full responsibility from time to time. It takes the pressure off you.

Of course you will miss him loads and be a bit homesick. You’ll have a few FaceTime calls from the room. But it will build your confidence in DH and leaving DS. If your colleagues are parents they will understand how you feel.

If you go this time you’ll be reassured everything is fine and be better prepared if a trip comes up you really have to go on.

Just seen the CEO is going so think I’ll have to go!

Just want to cry tho.

I would not be impressed as your employer, nor as your husband if you ducked out. 1 - shows lack of commitment to your job 2 - makes it look like you don't see him as an equal parent.
Go.

The thought of it will be worse than actually doing it. You'll feel much better knowing that it's possible and the world didn't fall apart just because you aren't there for one night.

If anything did happen, you can be back very soon. It’s a great thing to do to show trust and confidence in your DH as well - this is just a couple of days and it’ll be great to spend time with your colleagues. It’s like a perfect first step.

I've felt like this about every work trip and still do. I've got over a week away, long haul flight from home in a couple of weeks and DD is 16 but I still get the anxiety! I think at this age if you don't need to go then maybe don't. But equally if you push yourself to go, you'll see that nothing bad happens and he's super pleased to see you when you get home and you'll both have grown a little. But do what's right for you, baby steps. If not this time maybe next time. It's such a natural, animal response as a mum to feel anxious about leaving your baby.

Is it being 3 hours away? Or the over night aspects?

Could you go for the day but skip the evening and just go home?

My little boy is 16 months. Hes too young to be left overnight IN MY OPINION! I don’t want to be away from him and so at the moment, I turn down anything that involves that scenario. Work has sucked it up, so have friends. My boss appreciates my unwavering hard work and commitment over many years and so he can cope with me not wanting to travel while my baby is, well a baby.

He won’t be this little forever. Then I’ll spread my wings again. For now, he comes first every time. My career is important sure, but nothing comes close to my son.

I can’t believe there are people saying that her DH should go too. For a start any of the companies I have worked for and had to travel (and there have been multiple) wouldn’t have allowed someone staying in the room so that would be additional cost for your family’s separate room for no reason at all

Plus would the DH have to take a day off or work from a hotel? Very unfair on him as well as looking like women can’t cope without their husband nearby

Honestly I think it's one night and I would absolutely wonder at your resilience from a work point of view if a staff member said they're were unable to leave their toddler for one night with their loving father .
I think it would affect how I saw thiem going forward.

I would bring my partner and child with me they can stay in the hotel room

ffs 😂

Hes too young to be left overnight IN MY OPINION! I

Too young to be left with his father? I wonder where all these men are who are turning down work trips because their child is too young to be left with its mother, because I’ve never encountered one.

@MamaToABeautifulBoy shes not leaving the child alone in a crack den with a pack of XL bullies. She’d be leaving him with his other parent.

Exactly!

It's one night and he's with his dad!!

Go. Or you'll be on here in a few years time complaining that your husband can't settle your child and you feel trapped. Unless there's a backstop like you are feeding him to sleep, at 17 months go .

Not going only feeds the fear. You'll go, come back and see it's all fine, so you'll learn there's nothing to worry about.

Oh he's absolutely too young to be left alone. I think she was leaving him with his father though?

I think sometimes the best way to get over things is just to do them. The more you avoid them then the bigger it seems and the more 'reason' you then need to break the cycle of not going. Also if I was your husband I'd probably feel a bit like you didn't trust me deep down. That 'something' is more likely to happen if I'm not there, or he is less likely to deal with it properly etc. It's only one night.

Snort!!

honestly @TheBerry get a grip. This is daft. He’s not a baby, and it’s three hours drive for one night.

I can’t believe the voting on this! I couldn’t leave mine at that age and even brought both Dc and both sets of grandparents with me on one work trip at great expense! I couldn’t bear a week of separation, though I think I knew they’d be ok. I do leave them nowadays 🙂

I honestly think it would be good for you to go. If you were a member of my team and said you couldn’t come I’d make all the right noises etc but would be secretly rolling my eyes at how a toddler cannot be left with the other parent for one bleedin night.

Christ @MamaToABeautifulBoy he’s being left home with his other loving parent! You’re hardly leaving him home with a ready meal and the remote control.

I find all this angst quite baffling. I am guessing your child will come home from daycare with dad, have dinner bath and bed, and go back to daycare in the morning.

I mean this kindly @TheBerry what are you worried might happen? Isn’t it important for his dad to be allowed to care for him, solo, and be trusted to do so?