To think this was a pretty shitty comment?

[Sad0tter]

Travelled on Saturday to see a guy I’ve been seeing for a couple of months. We had a really nice weekend. But unfortunately engineering works on the trains which meant my journey home yesterday was 3.5 hours! The train was rammed and I had to sit on my suitcase in a freezing passageway.

he asked if I got on the train ok and I explained the situation and he basically just said ‘yeah that sounds horrible. Good luck!’ And then ‘if you will live so far away that’s just what you have to put up with!’

I just feel totally rubbish I made the effort to visit now. And basically he’s washed his hands of me and was no longer his concern. I’d just never say that to someone who had travelled all that way.

AIBU?

My first reaction was that it sounded like a joke.

However, you say it’s always you who has to travel? I would ask him to do the travelling next time, and his response will tell you what you need to know.

Yeah it’s not so much needing checking in on. More it just demonstrates concern and care.

I didn’t reply and he did check I got home ok. Maybe realised it was a bit of a shit comment.

This ^
Dump him.
Hes not worth the effort or expense.
He had no empathy and has left you feeling sad. 🚩
Stop investing in him.

Hmm couple of small things. Like when I was leaving his he said ‘I’ll walk with you to the station, because I’m nice, but also because I need something from the shop’

which was a bit weird. Like, don’t think I’m doing this just for you! 🤔 I dunno

Is this a shitty passive aggressive attempt to get you to move closer for his convenience? It does sound a lot like "serves you right for living there".

He sounds bloody horrible, anyway.

It’s called humour. I’d have laughed.

On first reading, that seemed to me that he was being sympathetic and then "jokingly" said he wished you lived nearer. There's a reason you've taken it differently though, and you obviously know better than I do.

So are you going to listen to your spidey senses…? Or are you going to continue to waste your time on someone who lives 3.5 hours away and who isn’t even all that?

You clearly aren't appreciative enough he is with you op..... Throw him back.

It’s not normally that long a journey, it was just the trains were messed up.

we have pre-arranged plans this weekend anyway. But I just feel massively turned off right now and trying to work out if I’m overreacting to small things.

This is how I took it.

Personally I'd expect a bit more sympathy from someone I was dating. What's he like in other ways? Based on what you've said so far, I wouldn't make the effort to travel to him again.

Maybe just tell him that. Ask, speak, converse?

I think you might find he was joking

Why does he never travel to you OP? Seems like he considers his place to be the centre of the world.

I'd reply back "Your turn to come to mine next " why are you doing sll the traveling OP ?

He's joking but not particularly funny. I'd be asking him to travel for the foreseeable.

I don't think it bodes well for a relationship where you're travelling hours, staying over, yet can't tell whether that comment is a joke, a hint to move in, or a nasty remark. It could be any of them, but if this is something you're investing this much time in, you should know him enough to know if he's keen or mean. If he's still such a mystery that you don't know when he's being nasty then it's too early for all this effort. If you're almost sure he's being nasty then it's not worth all the effort.

It reads to me as a jokey way of saying he wishes you lived closer.

Maybe he was being jokey because he wasn't sure what you expected him to do about the situation, assuming he's not sir topham hat with a fleet of trains to send in to rescue you?!

WHY are you doing all the travelling?

Just sounds like a joke to me. Certainly nothing I'd be offended by.

Haha no not at all, and of course I didn’t phrase anything in a complaining way, I still said thank you for the lovely weekend and lovely to see him, but maybe I should check the trains properly next time!

if it were me I would have just said I’m sorry, it sounds crap, I really appreciate you making the effort. I always make a point of thanking him and telling him how much I appreciate him. Just felt like a weird comment.

I'd have replied that it was his fault for living somewhere with useless trains, never have you had such a terrible experience in your home city. You suppose you should consider yourself lucky the dodgy characters in his city hadn't just left the train up on bricks or you might never get home.

So basically, he thinks you live in a shit place, is happy to make derogatory comments accordingly, and expects you to travel to him every single time?

Yeah, he's not exactly a prince among men, is he?

I dunno to be honest 😂 he’s kind of mentioned travelling here but when he makes plans they’re always closer to him.