To have told my late teens that I won't be contributing

[itspurplestripes]

.. to their childcare arrangements , if and when they have kids. They were really surprised!
Lone parent here, working full time and intend to retire in about ten years. Ie I'll be relatively young.
It was a light conversation but they fully thought that I would be a part of their childcare set up in time.
I will f course be supportive and help
Out when needed and look forward to

Spending time with my grandkids but travel and renewing relationships and rest are certainly at the top of my list !
AIBU. Or is this the norm/ expectation now?

I've told mine I will help. I don't want my dd to have to give up work/go pt because she can't afford £80 a day childcare.

For health reasons I wouldn't be able to do full time but I'd certainly help out.

Otherwise what would be the point in supporting her through school uni just for her career to be thrown away later?

That's really below the belt! I would argue that OP has a great relationship with her DC and is a great parent - otherwise her DC wouldn't want OP near any future GC!

I think this is unfair, lots of people unconsciously believe their parents will take care of their offspring and feel upset when they don't/don't do enough as they imagined. There are always mumsnet threads about this!

That's your choice. Just bear in mind that if the other grandparents are more helpful then they'll go to them for help first, and likely for the fun stuff first too, so you might not get to see your GC much - it seems like that's what you want though so not a problem.

Hopefully you won't want or need any help from them when you enter old age either as it is something people remember.

My parents made this very very clear. They were also clear about paying for weddings, buying me my first car/house/goldfish. It's not going to happen!

It didn't go so well when they changed their mind and funded my sisters wedding, then made her life hell. But I'd never planned for that so paid my own way and controlled my own guest list/music/food choices.

The situation you describe @Caffeineislife sounds absolutely hell on earth. Her kids will put her in an early grave and I would constantly ask myself who is going to wipe my arse if I am old and decrepit. Is it my kids/grandkids or am I off to the nearest old people's home that they can find because they are all so busy.

My parents and PIL both helped with childcare when DS was younger than school age, not only did it save us a fortune they enjoyed building really close relationships with him. I will happily do the same for him if he is ever a parent.
Your children's lack of ambition is what would concern me rather than any expectation around childcare.

@kintra . Again, it was a light hearted conversation. Another one who seems angered by the thread . Insulting the kids and I ? Why is that?

My Mum said the same to me 30 years ago when I was at uni. She was an older Mum and was witnessing friends who’d had their children younger getting worn out with childcare.

Sadly she died before my children were born so she didn’t get the opportunity anyway. In truth, I know that she’d have been an involved Grandma, but she wasn’t prepared to commit to hours of childcare every week-and why should she?

I think this is unfair, lots of people unconsciously believe their parents will take care of their offspring and feel upset when they don't/don't do enough as they imagined. There are always mumsnet threads about this!

Not teenagers though.

If my teens were thinking about kids, future childcare plans and assumed I’d be the childcare, I would think I’d gone very wrong somewhere with my parenting. For them to even be thinking about kids at that age and be so entitled to assume and make plans for me, yes, parenting fail imo.

With the amount of people these days deciding not to have children and the heartache that has caused their parents then if I am lucky enough that my children decide to have children of their own I will do everything I can support to them with childcare if it makes their lives even a fraction less stressful as mine has been juggling being a single parent to 3 young children and the cost of childcare

@ItsBeanJuice I guess their friends GP's minded them all through their childhood and as we only had Granny for a few short years in their childhood who didn't child mind, this is what was normal to them.
Parenting fail? If that's your idea of parenting fail, most of us would be reported to SS by now😂

Am happy to provide childcare for grandchildren, it’s a very special relationship and I love it, nothing more worthwhile in my opinion

No one should feel obliged to do childcare for grandkids however I do think you probably have a closer relationship with GC if you regularly spend time with them & you might find when it comes to it that’s what you want.

Wait, what?? People should have DC just to please their parents?

As another lone parent l totally get where your coming from.
It's very different raising kids solely on your own, as well as exhausting.
I am so looking forward to retirement and just having time for myself.

Just because something is outside of your own experience of teens within your little bubble, it doesn't mean it's something you need scoff at. Your over use of emojis and 'lol' when there's nothing funny suggest a level of maturity that may be reflected in those around you. However, in the real world many people do have these sort of grown up discussions with their teens.

I doubt the teens are thinking of having kids but many of us sail through life unaware we have assumptions. OP is just heading that off at the pass early on so they aren't surprised to find their mum's primary parenting duties ended when they all hit 18.

There definitely seems to be plenty of posters on MN who seemed to have assumed their parents or inlaws would be providing all sorts of help and care for a grandchild and feel betrayed when it doesn't happen.

Just a shout out to all the DGPs who happily and willingly look after their DGC! 🙌
My parents would be so annoyed to know that so many would look at them and think they were put upon old biddies being taken advantage of by a tyrant of a daughter!
The truth is they asked to have the kids and I deferred the nursery places I had arranged pretty much from when I saw the second line. Mum stopped work years ago due to my grandparents health needs and it's actually helping her top up her state pension as an added bonus.

Honestly yes. Some of us talked about stuff like this growing up. We thought ahead.

I have seen work colleagues find out during their maternity leave that their parents don't want to do childcare, so you're definitely not unreasonable to make it clear at this stage! If they have kids in 10 years and you change your mind and want to do a bit of childcare, you can offer at that time.

it's actually helping her top up her state pension as an added bonus.

My DM also benefits from this which is great!

Wanting to come back to their hometown after Uni and perhaps travel, to settle down and raise a family speaks volumes about the childhood and relationship they have with their families, community and friends , I would have thought?
It's the teens that cannot get far enough away from their parents and offer a perfunctionary annual visit at Christmas time thereafter, that tells everything .

Do your parents mind your kids full time?

FWIW, I don't consider my job with parenting responsibilities , redundant at 18 so I'm not sure where that idea came from. I will always be a mother in every sense of the word and hopefully a Granny. I just don't want to be a regular, scheduled childminder to potential GCs when I retire. I want to enjoy them.

It really does make you wonder what sort of relationships people have with their children that they find your conversation so difficult to get their heads round. I have 3, now adults and we've always talked, light hearted and otherwise about almost every subject under the sun. I will now have to revisit what I thought was my excellent relationships with them all and acknowledge it as a 'parenting fail' because we definitely discussed GP roles in childcare at some point. Obviously before I realised that made me weird, bizarre and attention seeking. But now we know. It's strictly 'have you done your homework?' and 'shouldn't you put a coat on?' from now OP.