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Original poster

Irks me to see mums boasting about "childfree" nights out & "kid free weekends away"

1000 replies

Bridgetjoneski · 05/02/2024 12:13

I just find it very distasteful! I have one or two mum friends on insta & know them in real life. But at least every fortnight they have insta posts up about "kid free" night out with dh or "kid free weekend away". They are quite wealthy & both work full time, I just find it very unsavoury. Tag a dinner your hubby but no need to state the kids absense.
Is this a rising trend or just limited to the pair I know? The latest status tagging the latest dinner out was "not a child in sight"...

OP posts:
Original poster
Bridgetjoneski · 05/02/2024 15:12

whatsinanumber · 05/02/2024 15:08

I think this comes from a place of women being told forever that children are an unmitigated joy. There is some pushback on that these days, understandably. My kids are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I love them unconditionally. However, meeting their needs alongside work, care of elderly relatives, housework, cooking all meals, trying to have a good relationship with my husband, maintaining friendships, keeping myself healthy etc is absolutely knackering and takes all I have. Even more so when they were smaller.

I don't do hashtags (or social media very much at all really) but what you describe honestly wouldn't bother me. Maybe posting in that way is just a way to publicly acknowledge that we're allowed to spend time away from our kids without feeling guilty. And for everyone who is irked by those hashtags, there will be others who feel a little less guilty for seeing them and are better parents to their own kids for feeling a bit less bad about themselves.

It's great that you are able to be so present for your children. You do sound like a terrific mum. But those options aren't open to everyone and there are other great mums out there who are doing it differently. Being supportive of each other - or at the very least adopting a 'live and let live' approach - is in the interests of everyone.

@pootin read this. "care of elderly relatives" @pootin has said above all elderly relatives are in homes. Disgusting way to talk about people's loved ones with many like @whatsinanumber doing so much as well as taking care of their elderly family. You should be ashamed @pootin

OP posts:
ClipOnEarrings · 05/02/2024 15:13

Bridgetjoneski · 05/02/2024 14:55

I have mentioned this also. I think the word childfree itself is incredibly insensitive to those who are unable to have children.

Show quote history

As is the word 'mother'. When will the fear of offending end??

Mumsanetta · 05/02/2024 15:13

Bridgetjoneski · 05/02/2024 14:41

Dhs mum always insists we go out & the dc are already in bed! We have never once had to ask her to babysit, she offers which is very nice of her but we always ensure the dc are in bed before we head out. It really isn't often but we enjoy it.

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The fact that you don’t turn her down every time she asks means you hate your kids though.

Original poster
Bridgetjoneski · 05/02/2024 15:13

Ptfcangel · 05/02/2024 15:06

‘And DH can afford to fund our family unit but I have my own financial independence too which I built & worked very hard for during my childfree days’

OP, how crass of you to state you were once child free!

They were actual child free days before my children were born. That's the difference!

OP posts:
pootlin · 05/02/2024 15:14

Bridgetjoneski · 05/02/2024 15:12

@pootin read this. "care of elderly relatives" @pootin has said above all elderly relatives are in homes. Disgusting way to talk about people's loved ones with many like @whatsinanumber doing so much as well as taking care of their elderly family. You should be ashamed @pootin

Show quote history

Where did I say ALL elderly people are in homes?

You’re telling porkies, OP. Tch tch.

Ptfcangel · 05/02/2024 15:14

@Bridgetjoneski
@pootlin did not say every elderly relative was in a home.. maybe you read it back.

Wimpeyspread · 05/02/2024 15:15

You are being ridiculous

Original poster
Bridgetjoneski · 05/02/2024 15:15

OhNoWhatIf · 05/02/2024 15:10

@Bridgetjoneski in you first post you put one or two friends. Is it one OR two doing it? If it's just the one then maybe you just don't like this person. I couldn't get so wound up about what other people hashing.

It's two, one more frequently than the other.

OP posts:
aperolspritzbasicbitch · 05/02/2024 15:15

@Bridgetjoneski but #notachildinsight is EXACTLY what I want when I am away from my children. I don't voice it on social media, but I do in person, to the friends I am with.

ClipOnEarrings · 05/02/2024 15:15

Ultimately, OP, I guess you just have to be irked.

In the same way people decorate their home how they choose, so too do they get to operate their virtual space in the way they want.

The fact that you class kid free time as a pejorative statement is fine. Not everyone does.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 05/02/2024 15:16

What is wrong with you? 😂😂😂

13Bastards · 05/02/2024 15:16

Erm no @Bridgetjoneski... pootlin is saying thier parents are in a home, their pets are sleeping. Not all 😂

Original poster
Bridgetjoneski · 05/02/2024 15:17

Isthisblocked · 05/02/2024 15:11

From the age of two, my lovely Mum would have DS overnight…. from 4 pm on a Friday right up until Saturday lunchtime. DH and I dropped him off and skipped off down the path to have what is now called “date night” AND Sat morning lie in. The luxury! That was all 35 years ago, and my dear mum has now passed away, but I constantly thanked her for that and she was always tickled to hear that she had saved our marriage by doing that Friday night sleepover for us. it stopped us being just a wonderful family team and reunited us again in the special sense unique to just to DH and I as a couple. Your relationship as a couple is not the same as your relationship as a family ….they are mutually supportive but must both be nurtured. Nothing wrong with a childfree night with your husband.

No nothing at all & that sounds lovely!! But if it happened now in the age of social media would you honestly be posting every Fri night you were child free?

OP posts:
Bululu · 05/02/2024 15:17

I may be the odd one out but my children never bothered me too much. Never felt they were calling my name every five minutes or that I was overwhelmed. I really did not want to go out that much or holidays without them. A few dinners and Birthdays but never saw it as a celebration to be away from them. Each to their own. We are all different.

13Bastards · 05/02/2024 15:18

Also, I cannot have kids, there is nothing offensive (to me) about the term childfree, or parents hashtagging their #childfree nights out. No need to crusade on my behalf 🤣

Original poster
Bridgetjoneski · 05/02/2024 15:19

Mumsanetta · 05/02/2024 15:13

The fact that you don’t turn her down every time she asks means you hate your kids though.

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Not at all! Our dc are in bed so not much I can do is there unless you expect me to hold their hands while they fall asleep!

OP posts:
LanaL · 05/02/2024 15:22

I don’t see the issue at all . It’s good for parents to have time for relationships and friendships. It’s healthy . It doesn’t mean they don’t love their children just because they enjoy time away from them . I don’t see why it’s an issue

Original poster
Bridgetjoneski · 05/02/2024 15:22

Bululu · 05/02/2024 15:17

I may be the odd one out but my children never bothered me too much. Never felt they were calling my name every five minutes or that I was overwhelmed. I really did not want to go out that much or holidays without them. A few dinners and Birthdays but never saw it as a celebration to be away from them. Each to their own. We are all different.

Edited

Exactly! I enjoy my kids immensely & if I am out for dinner it's not a big hurrah "childfree" event. It's meeting up with friends on an occasional evening but the fact my children weren't present didn't make my evening more enjoyable especially to the point I had to hashtag it!

OP posts:
Songiii · 05/02/2024 15:23

Continue to be irked away op!

Because I love a child free date night!

whatsinanumber · 05/02/2024 15:24

@Bridgetjoneski you have rather missed the point of my post. Anyway, you seem determined to feel irked regardless.

EBearhug · 05/02/2024 15:25

Bridgetjoneski · 05/02/2024 12:31

Well personly if my parents had been telling the world on social media they were escaping from me every fortnight I'd be quite upset.

We didn't have social media when I was a child, but I wasn't bothered when my parents were clearly looking forward to time without us. It usually meant we got yo stay round a friend's house or got a babysitter who was more fun, so we usually enjoyed it too. I don't think most children will be scarred by their parents having the odd evening away from them.

Original poster
Bridgetjoneski · 05/02/2024 15:27

@EBearhug yes that's lovely & my parents enjoyed nights out too which I remember fondly as my lovely aunt came to mind us.. However if in this day & age with social media & they were out & #childless #childfree I wouldn't like it.

OP posts:
mayorofcasterbridge · 05/02/2024 15:27

You seriously need to go back to work. You have too much time on your hands whinging about trivialities!!

tempnameforadvice · 05/02/2024 15:28

@Bridgetjoneski I'm so pleased you have the time during the week to polish your supermum medals. Between work and 2 small children I can't remember the last time I polished mine.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 05/02/2024 15:29

i mean they aren't saying it about your kids so why do you care lolz

I bloody love nights without my kid

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