Irks me to see mums boasting about "childfree" nights out & "kid free weekends away"

[Bridgetjoneski]

I just find it very distasteful! I have one or two mum friends on insta & know them in real life. But at least every fortnight they have insta posts up about "kid free" night out with dh or "kid free weekend away". They are quite wealthy & both work full time, I just find it very unsavoury. Tag a dinner your hubby but no need to state the kids absense.
Is this a rising trend or just limited to the pair I know? The latest status tagging the latest dinner out was "not a child in sight"...

I had one minute child free in the last year and I will brag if I want to!

Seriously @Bridgetjoneski let them do their thing. I once posted on a mental health recognition day/event about it being okay that Mum's need time away. A friend who lives abroad courageously shared her PPD experience and how please she was to see this post b/c she assumed someone like me (larger family) doesn't need a break ever and she struggles to accept she does. I of course told her I too need a break and she's a wonderful Mum who needs no guilt to do what she needs b/c that benefits her two wonderful dc. An aquaintance then popped along with a vile comment about what is wrong with mothers for not wanting to be with their dc. Sadly my friend saw that comment before I could address it and it hurt her so much.

There is nothing wrong with taking a break. Whether that's weekly or an hour a day or when you can. If it means you go back a more relaxed and resilient self, that's better for your dc. Just because you are with your dc all the time it doesn't make you a better parent. In fact I've seen some pretty frazzled parents whose lack of a break is impacting them and their dc.

Elderly parents are in a home. Pets are sleeping.

I never ceased to be flabbergasted about the shit that people get offended by these days.

I see what you mean. I find it a little sad that someone feels the urge to post about it in the social media. However, here teenagers hate the parents more than anywhere else I have been. Dynamics are different here. I find it a bit cold tbh. I would think more like their kids have feelings so reading that must be hard.

Libbylane absolutely but it's the "no kids zone" "childless for the night" "childfree" hashtags that I feel are inappropriate.

Pets? Are you worried fluffy is going to be at home on insta with his feelings hurt?
#hamsterfree

I do understand what you mean, op. I think people are trying to run with the "you begrudge people time without their children". But that's not what you mean. There is no need to emphasise constantly your children aren't with you...instead emphasise a nice night out.

@pootlin do you honestly believe all elderly parents are in a home? Oh my God that is such an uneducated comment. Many mumsnetters are full time carers to parents who live with them or support them to live independently. What a disgusting comment, you should be ashamed of yourself.

OP it's incredibly arrogant to think that your opinion here means anything to anyone in this situation. You don't like something you've seen on social media. It's something you view as being "crass", "distasteful" or "inappropriate" and you state this as if it's fact. It is not fact. Your opinion isn't the be all and end all. People don't need to change their behaviour to adhere to your views. It's very arrogant to think otherwise.

I have three dogs & if we are out for the day as a family we drop them to the dog minders so essentially we are #petfree but I don't need to tell the world do I?

Oh god, I am losing the will here.

Most people who post about being children free do so because they have younger kids- once they are teenagers most can be left alone so it’s no novelty. This usually means that they have spent years, decades even, devoting their entire life to the kids, surviving on zero sleep, medical emergencies, and that they may have gone months without hearing the word mummy/ daddy every 5 waking minutes. Saying they are child free is like celebrating that they’ve made it through another week, everyone is alive and they can have a couple of hours when they can feel like a person and without having to wipe a nose/ arse, talk about Minecraft or badger someone to do homework. It’s joyous! It’s a celebration of the resilience of parents! It’s realising that you’re still an actual person with a life ahead of you which is not solely focussed on your kids.

Elderly parents/ husbands are in no way a comparison.

You. Just. Don’t. Get. It.

Yeah but why would it matter if you did?

‘And DH can afford to fund our family unit but I have my own financial independence too which I built & worked very hard for during my childfree days’

OP, how crass of you to state you were once child free!

I don't hashtag - but if I did I wouldn't say 'partner free night' no, because actually I could be partner free whenever I fancied. Same for the dog - I could leave him alone for a few hours any evening that I chose.

If I was a carer for a parent, maybe I'd go down the #metime route, which would just be another way of saying I wasn't with my parent.

I do think that this thread smacks of you trying to make yourself feel better about something, about what I'm not sure.

@Heronwatcher no my point is one wouldn't hashtag other members of the family in such a dismissive, condescending way but it's OK to be so blasé about their children.

I think this comes from a place of women being told forever that children are an unmitigated joy. There is some pushback on that these days, understandably. My kids are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I love them unconditionally. However, meeting their needs alongside work, care of elderly relatives, housework, cooking all meals, trying to have a good relationship with my husband, maintaining friendships, keeping myself healthy etc is absolutely knackering and takes all I have. Even more so when they were smaller.

I don't do hashtags (or social media very much at all really) but what you describe honestly wouldn't bother me. Maybe posting in that way is just a way to publicly acknowledge that we're allowed to spend time away from our kids without feeling guilty. And for everyone who is irked by those hashtags, there will be others who feel a little less guilty for seeing them and are better parents to their own kids for feeling a bit less bad about themselves.

It's great that you are able to be so present for your children. You do sound like a terrific mum. But those options aren't open to everyone and there are other great mums out there who are doing it differently. Being supportive of each other - or at the very least adopting a 'live and let live' approach - is in the interests of everyone.

Yes I agree the #metime would be appreciate. #childfree #childless #nokidzone or #notakidinsight are really grim

@Bridgetjoneski in you first post you put one or two friends. Is it one OR two doing it? If it's just the one then maybe you just don't like this person. I couldn't get so wound up about what other people hashing.

Stop being so critical of other mums OP. It’s fine for other people to share the fact they enjoy a break from their children from time to time. Likewise I wish some posters would stop criticising SAHMs or working mums. We all do our best!

From the age of two, my lovely Mum would have DS overnight…. from 4 pm on a Friday right up until Saturday lunchtime. DH and I dropped him off and skipped off down the path to have what is now called “date night” AND Sat morning lie in. The luxury! That was all 35 years ago, and my dear mum has now passed away, but I constantly thanked her for that and she was always tickled to hear that she had saved our marriage by doing that Friday night sleepover for us. it stopped us being just a wonderful family team and reunited us again in the special sense unique to just to DH and I as a couple. Your relationship as a couple is not the same as your relationship as a family ….they are mutually supportive but must both be nurtured. Nothing wrong with a childfree night with your husband.

Anything "[NAME]free" is implicitly a judgment on other peoples choices. Its not on. Its judging / "influencing" at its worst and I have no time for it.

In the scenario of OP I would just about get it if the person who had posted "childfree" on social media about some night out or whatever was making that accessible to a tiny personal group of people who had genuinely gone on their journey with them (for example a group of NCT mums or similar) otherwise it is nobody's business so don't use loaded words. But ultimately some people will use loaded words so then I say turn off instagram/block them from your feed.

On the one hand I can totally get on board with hotels which advertise themselves as adults only. Fair enough. It is totally legitimate to carve out a space which is adults only if you are paying for something and you particularly do not want to mix in a space where there are children. You pay, fair enough.

Other than that we live in a society where people have children, people have pets, people have whatever which may or may not come with a need or an accommodation. You accept that fact and if it annoys you that you have to accept that fact it is a free country and you can absent yourself from the space/media in which those things are happening. You can turn off the internet, you can turn off the tv you can decline invitations, you can reduce the priority you give to some people you have met who are not aligned with what you want for yourself. Its a free society this is a privilege you have.

I have far more sympathy for people who find themselves in circumstances which they cannot easily escape (eg noisy neighbours where they cannot move house etc)

This is hilarious. You’ve offended all working mums but I need to be ashamed?! 😂

I think you’ve jumped the shark OP.

Better not tell you I'm going on holiday next week for 8 nights for my 40th birthday and leaving my 3 year old with her grandparents (who she probably loves more than us haha). But it's ok, cause we're taking her away in the summer so that balances it all out... right??

I have my choices and I don't owe anyone an explanation. Same applies to your friend too! What about parents who have split up and only see their kids EOW, does that 'irk' you too?!

YABU

my twins are off to the inlaws this weekend so me and DH will be having a fun weekend. DD has additional needs and sleeps 4 hours max at night, needs help with all personal care even bum wiping and has a visual impairment. So yes I am looking forward to a good night sleep for 2 nights in a row.

I save my distaste and upset for my volunteer role as a children's hearing panel member where every week I read about, meet and make decisions about the abhorrent things parents have done to their children. It puts an Instagram post about having children time in perspective very quickly.

People have different personalities in life. One persons harmless comment is the others reason to start a thread..
if you do not like seeing these womens posts I advise you unfollow them and get on with your day really.
Its not done to offend you and it really shouldn’t matter all that much, if it’s not your cup of tea that’s fine.