Tables have turned and son refusing to help/get involved

[dietirnbruqueen]

when my son was in p6 he was falsely accused of bullying another child in the class. The boy made up claims of things my son had said and done and it went on for a period of time.

it was a difficult time for my son and very stressful to constantly have to maintain his innocence. The boy in question had emotional problems and was very sensitive to everything. His mother, instead of teaching him resilience, pandered to everything he said and did.

anyway, it transpired that the boy was jealous of my son and it came out that he’d made up all the claims. There wasn’t much if any punishment for the boy (in school) because of aforementioned emotional issues/very sensitive.

my son steered well clear of him for the rest of primary school and didn’t interact with with him as he didn’t trust him.

anyway, he’s now in secondary school and this boy is being bullied by a group of boys in the year. I don’t know the ins and outs of it but the mother has messaged me to say that my son is in a couple of classes and may have witnessed the bullying and can he vouch that it’s happening. my son is categorically not involved in bullying this boy btw and there’s no question of that.

my son has completely refused to be drawn on the subject. He’s said privately to me that this boy made his life hell and he has no interest in getting involved in anything to do with him. My son is quite quiet but gets on well with most folk but he is digging his heels in here and just says “Couldn’t tell you.” When he’s asked.

I hate the thought of anyone being bullied but I can also see my son’s point that he doesn’t want any involvement with this boy.

wwyd?

Totally agree with concisequeen.

Your son was a child and this kid made his life hell.

Support your son. Prioritise him above a compulsive liar who, many will think, is getting what he deserves.

How did this other mum get your email address?
Your son suffered at the hands of this other kid so wonder he's bitter and doesn't want to be dragged into it.
He's made a grown up choice so good for him

What's the dilemma here. Surely you tell that mum to go do one. Don't even ask your child to help in any way? Did she care about all the emotional issues she caused with your son? I really don't understand what's your issue. The absolute cheek of her even having the audacity to message you!

@WandaWonder You're questioning intelligence because people have a different opinion?

There's a difference between not getting involved in a situation which could cause issues for yourself for the sake of a kid who made your life hell compared to those doing the actual bullying. The mum shouldn't even be asking the OP to resolve this for her, this should 100% be between the school and the families although I can understand that she must be desperate.

My kid is taught to stick up for others and to be kind, it's drilled in to him but as he gets older he 100% will be taught to not let people walk all over him, he can learn both- they're not exclusive.

As an adult, if someone made your life awful, would you go out of your way to help them because someone asked? Potentially putting yourself back in a position where your life could be effected again? That's fine if you would because it's your prerogative but personally I would class that as being a doormat. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don't lack intelligence either, it's an opinion and surprisingly, because I'm not stupid, I can appreciate we're all allowed to think differently.

Also, talking of dramatic.. I don't think anyone has really come close to this

'well if someone looks at my child the wrong way I will rip them apart' type

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An eye for an eye? Judaism teaches forgiveness, not retribution. Sorry but your post is misleading.

If she messages again I would reply with please do not contact me again. These people clearly have no idea of the impact their son’s behaviour had on your child and family.

I'd not be doing anything to help out, I'm not sorry either. If another child's lies had caused so many problems for my own child, there is no way I'd be doing anything.
You are also not in the school and you don't know exactly what is going on. Your own DC might not even know the full ins and outs either which could also be a reason for him to wisely stay out of it

Two things here.

OP’s son not wanting to get involved because of what happened with him is understandable.

A bunch of grown women saying that being bullied is karma for something which he did in primary school is nothing more than bitchy and spiteful.

So presumably bullying is ok if the victim has ever committed a wrong in their life. Never mind the next victim, or the one after that, because children are rarely bullied in isolation

OP said this child had some emotional difficulties in primary hence why no action was taken. So perhaps these emotional issues is why he is being bullied now in secondary?

Ultimately what he did in primary was wrong, but that doesn’t mean he deserves to actually have been bullied because of it. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

Your son is right, he has sound judgement and if I was you I would tell the other mother what you said here, and continue to support your son to stay out of it.

Besides, your son owes this boy nothing.

We had something similar with one of my DC.

Their answer was "yes it happens. No ivm not getting involved in any way. Tell the mum to take it up with school and leave me me out of it"

Which is what we did. AFAIK the child was vile and the "bullying" was retaliation. The child left our school. Nobody cried about that.

Presumably this DM must think your DS is a liar as he denied bullying her DS, so why is she even asking?

Talk about having a bloody cheek!

I would just say, talking about your DS to mine upsets him, so no conversation is ever going to take place.

So would I. Avoid saying anything!!!

Agreed.

This is a child, who has emotional issues and unsupportive parents. Pandering to a child rather than addressing their emotional issues is categorically unsupportive and setting the child up for a lifetime of difficulties.

I understand you and your ds’s position op. I would be taking a different stance tbh.

Tell your son looking after his emotional health well being is much more important than this bully at primary school,

this bully boy is learning a steep learning curve that he will not forget in a hurry,

the bully boys mother should never have been allowed to have your email address as its private
I would complain a bit about this fact,

And just mention to bully boys mum your son doesn't want want to get involved in your son's drama,
I would appreciate if you didn't get in contact with us ever again...

Good. Your son is doing the right thing. I can’t believe the mother had the cheek to ask him to get involved!

@Mummyoflittledragon I'm glad I come across this thread. Slightly different but a mother at my Sons school complained about my Son bullying her DD. She flew at me and was hostile baring in mind we were school mum friends haven't been as close lately. However unless you are OP and the Son people can be very nasty indeed without listening and getting the full story.

Perhaps you are right and it's a step too far for people to say its karma out loud. I wouldn't rush to get involved in fact I wouldn't at all. Bullying is serious and to be branded as a bully when you are NOT is even more serious.

Firstly, has your son actually seen anything? If he hasn't then that is the end of it.

If he has witnessed something then in an ideal world he should speak up. But in an ideal world he wouldn't have had all those accusations made against him. So I could completely understand if he just doesn't want to get involved, he may be concerned that he could end up being targeted by the other boys.

I think I would let DS make the decision on this one.

Regarding the other mum, I think I would respond and say to the best of your knowledge your son has not witnessed anything, so can't help. I wouldn't take the opportunity to make any digs or being up the past. Whatever her parenting style, she is doing her best with what appears to be a troubled teen.

Your son is very wise to stay out of it.
Bizarre the other mother is texting you now.

One thing
Narcissistic people love drama and there is something they do to pull previous victims back in, its called Hoovering .
Contact under any pretence to get you reinvolved so they can continue the abuse.
Block her number, don't fall for it
Him now being the " victim" is part of the script.

Yes. What a fucking thread. And a nice dollop of pig ignorant antisemitism for no reason too. What's happened to this place lately?

Let your son make up his own mind. I love his non-commital "Couldn't say".

Firstly, it’s karMa.

Secondly, you are referring to a CHILD with MH issues you psycho.

Thirdly, however, I think I’d keep my child out of it so your message to the mother was perfect, OP.

And because the overriding tone of this thread is glee at the fact this child is now being bullied that will set the whole tone of the thread, and everyone disagreeing might as well be invisible.

And it’s like mn bingo. He’s a psycho/narcissistic already so it would seem.

No wonder bullying is so rife in schools when we have so many adults who are positively condoning it.

I wouldn’t force your son to help him. What this other boy did was bullying and while it would be nice to help him out, he’s allowed to want to be removed from it completely.

I’d not bother texting her back or as others have said, I won’t be bringing this up for DS as it’s all v triggering and he deserves peace