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Original poster

How rude is this! Kid's party

254 replies

firethene · 04/02/2024 17:32

Sent out invites for my DD's party this afternoon in November.

Most responded yay or nay straight away, one parent didn't. Fine, I didn't think anything of it. I then bumped into her on the school run and mention if 'Ida' could come or not, she said yes.

A few days ago I sent out another text to everyone who had said yes reminding them to sign the venue's waiver thing - this parent read and didn't reply.

'Ida' didn't show up at the party meaning we'd paid for her place for nothing (in the region of about £25 per head). Also did food and party bags etc.

Aibu in thinking if you don't want to come, just bloody decline?

OP posts:
carrotbagel · 04/02/2024 17:34

November? For a child's birthday party? That's insane

Original poster
firethene · 04/02/2024 17:36

carrotbagel · 04/02/2024 17:34

November? For a child's birthday party? That's insane

Not really the point but ok.

Not that insane really, considering the venue get completely booked up months in advance.

OP posts:
FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 04/02/2024 17:37

Yes it's rude but unfortunately par for the course with kids parties. Lesson for next time is only pay for the ones who actually reply.

Alwaysalwayscold · 04/02/2024 17:37

Yes it's rude to RSVP yes and then just not turn up without contacting to let you know.

But you could see this woman was flakey..

onemoremile · 04/02/2024 17:38

Was it last November? I thought you were booking ahead but it sounds like it's happened...

FunionsRFun · 04/02/2024 17:38

Annoying but part if throwing parties for school aged kids.

TwelveKeys · 04/02/2024 17:39

Your OP is ambiguous (not your fault) - had to read it a few times to understand you sent the invitations in Nov for the parry today, not that you sent the invitations today for a party in Nov 2024!

Yes that's very rude. I'd ask her why she didn't come!

Didimum · 04/02/2024 17:39

onemoremile · 04/02/2024 17:38

Was it last November? I thought you were booking ahead but it sounds like it's happened...

Party was this afternoon. Invites sent out in November.

Testina · 04/02/2024 17:39

November? 🤨
She’s definitely rude, but I think if you’re putting up £25 a head for a party, then you need to not take a verbal yes on the hoof as binding - too many people will forget their yes between the school run and their calendar!
If you’re doing a waiver, make that the cut off for who you’ll pay for.
Even if it was free - she’s rude.
But bear in mind she might not know how much she’d cost you - when we go to places like trampolining, we don’t pay until the day, and as long as we hit the minimum number, only pay for those there on the day.

NewYearNewCalendar · 04/02/2024 17:40

Yes, of course it’s crap but unfortunately it’s also common.

November was very early though, I don’t think people really engage with invitations earlier than six weeks out. When did you have to confirm numbers? We booked about three months in advance on approximate numbers, invites six weeks ahead, confirmed numbers and costs a week before.

Didimum · 04/02/2024 17:42

I think the exception here is a new year/early year birthday.

Original poster
firethene · 04/02/2024 17:43

Alwaysalwayscold · 04/02/2024 17:37

Yes it's rude to RSVP yes and then just not turn up without contacting to let you know.

But you could see this woman was flakey..

Yes I suppose I could.... I couldn't risk her turning up without being paid for

OP posts:
Original poster
firethene · 04/02/2024 17:43

onemoremile · 04/02/2024 17:38

Was it last November? I thought you were booking ahead but it sounds like it's happened...

I booked and sent invites at the end of Nov 23, party was today 8/9 weeks notice

OP posts:
Original poster
firethene · 04/02/2024 17:44

TwelveKeys · 04/02/2024 17:39

Your OP is ambiguous (not your fault) - had to read it a few times to understand you sent the invitations in Nov for the parry today, not that you sent the invitations today for a party in Nov 2024!

Yes that's very rude. I'd ask her why she didn't come!

Oh yes it is really ambiguous! Sorry

OP posts:
SpringViolet · 04/02/2024 17:44

I don’t see an issue with sending the invites out in November @carrotbagel especially with a £25 per head party. People can put it in their calendars and OP has numbers attending in advance. She probably had to pay a deposit on booking.

The parent confirmed attendance recently and got a reminder by way of being asked to fill out the waiver!

Yes extremely rude OP. Either that or the parent is very disorganised and chaotic.

I’d make a point of giving the party bag tomorrow and say we were expecting DC to come so had it made up. Shame they didn’t make it, I must have missed your message saying they weren’t coming.

WeCouldLooseThis · 04/02/2024 17:44

She was rude but I would have doublechecked with her more carefully. Once you saw she had seen the message about the waiver and done nothing then I would have contacted her to confirm or sent her a message saying you were cancelling.
You could send her a polite message this evening to say you were sorry that she wasn't there. If she had genuinely forgotten she might like the opportunity to apologise or offer to pay.

HalloweenIsDone · 04/02/2024 17:44

This happened to us. Kid didn't hasn't got another invite since.

Original poster
firethene · 04/02/2024 17:45

SpringViolet · 04/02/2024 17:44

I don’t see an issue with sending the invites out in November @carrotbagel especially with a £25 per head party. People can put it in their calendars and OP has numbers attending in advance. She probably had to pay a deposit on booking.

The parent confirmed attendance recently and got a reminder by way of being asked to fill out the waiver!

Yes extremely rude OP. Either that or the parent is very disorganised and chaotic.

I’d make a point of giving the party bag tomorrow and say we were expecting DC to come so had it made up. Shame they didn’t make it, I must have missed your message saying they weren’t coming.

I had to pay the whole amount prior to arriving!

I'm pretty annoyed, won't be inviting her next year

OP posts:
ApricitySeeker · 04/02/2024 17:46

I had this from 2 people at my sons party. Both of them messaged a couple of days before the party saying sorry they’d not rsvp’d and could their child come. I contacted the venue, paid for these 2 extra children (£30 per child!) and neither showed up. Not a word of apology or anything.

JaniceBattersby · 04/02/2024 17:47

I’ve done years and years of parties for my four kids. The best way to do it is book early but then don’t send invites out until 2 weeks max before hand. That way people are likely to be able to give a more accurate answer, feel a bit more pressure to answer promptly, are less likely to get a better offer. It was my ten-year-old’s birthday party yesterday afternoon. I sent the invitations ten days ago, got 15/15 replies and 13 of them could come. Honestly it cuts down on stress to do it this way.

Original poster
firethene · 04/02/2024 17:54

JaniceBattersby · 04/02/2024 17:47

I’ve done years and years of parties for my four kids. The best way to do it is book early but then don’t send invites out until 2 weeks max before hand. That way people are likely to be able to give a more accurate answer, feel a bit more pressure to answer promptly, are less likely to get a better offer. It was my ten-year-old’s birthday party yesterday afternoon. I sent the invitations ten days ago, got 15/15 replies and 13 of them could come. Honestly it cuts down on stress to do it this way.

There's no way I could get away with 2 weeks notice for these kids, everyone would be booked up doing something else.

I'm not sure my timing of sending the invites is the issue - the other 19 parents seemed to cope fine

OP posts:
EIIaJ · 04/02/2024 17:55

No issue in sending out in Nov. And yes she was very rude.

Original poster
firethene · 04/02/2024 17:56

EIIaJ · 04/02/2024 17:55

No issue in sending out in Nov. And yes she was very rude.

♥️

OP posts:
budgiegirl · 04/02/2024 18:03

I'm not sure my timing of sending the invites is the issue - the other 19 parents seemed to cope fine

It's not to do with the timing of the invites - many people are happy to get lots of notice, and presumably can mark any events they have in a diary!

I agree, the parent was rude. Unfortunately though, it's not uncommon.

I run a cub pack, and I come across this all the time. I have had to start saying to parents that if their child doesn't show up to an event that they have committed to, they will have to reimburse us (scout group) for any associated costs. Not nice to have to do, but we've had so many flaky parents. I've doing this for over 10 years, and things seem worse than ever. No idea what the answer is for parties though, other than not inviting the child in future.

Original poster
firethene · 04/02/2024 18:05

budgiegirl · 04/02/2024 18:03

I'm not sure my timing of sending the invites is the issue - the other 19 parents seemed to cope fine

It's not to do with the timing of the invites - many people are happy to get lots of notice, and presumably can mark any events they have in a diary!

I agree, the parent was rude. Unfortunately though, it's not uncommon.

I run a cub pack, and I come across this all the time. I have had to start saying to parents that if their child doesn't show up to an event that they have committed to, they will have to reimburse us (scout group) for any associated costs. Not nice to have to do, but we've had so many flaky parents. I've doing this for over 10 years, and things seem worse than ever. No idea what the answer is for parties though, other than not inviting the child in future.

I agree, I can't even mention it! So frustrating hence I posted on here. The only thing I can do is not invite the (innocent) child next year.

I should probably get used to all this. Many more parties for the eldest, and then same again to come for the youngest!

OP posts:
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