How rude is this! Kid's party

[firethene]

Sent out invites for my DD's party this afternoon in November.

Most responded yay or nay straight away, one parent didn't. Fine, I didn't think anything of it. I then bumped into her on the school run and mention if 'Ida' could come or not, she said yes.

A few days ago I sent out another text to everyone who had said yes reminding them to sign the venue's waiver thing - this parent read and didn't reply.

'Ida' didn't show up at the party meaning we'd paid for her place for nothing (in the region of about £25 per head). Also did food and party bags etc.

Aibu in thinking if you don't want to come, just bloody decline?

@ThisIsMyNameOkay

Sorry but what a load of pappy shite. We're all going through things, everyone.

The easiest thing she could have done was decline straight away. Problem solved.

Very rude. I find flakey parents annoying anyway.
My kids have never missed a party we've accepted the invitation to. If they were sick or something, I would apologise profusely to the parent and I'd still make sure the birthday child got their card and present.

Just to add, there's a parents' event going on at school soon for which we have a little WhatsApp group, she's muy active on that...

There are people who don’t bother to RSVP, but will turn up anyway.

Way too far ahead to expect people to commit

YANBU Op. It's very rude. It doesn't matter if you sent out the invite in August or January it's reasonable to expect a reply, particularly after you chased it.

Not sure how other people work but when I get an invitation I put it in my diary. For the uninitiated, this is a really useful device which means that you don't have to remember things too far in advance. In this century they even come in digital form so that your phone will remind you when an event is approaching. It's truly remarkable. Five stars, strongly recommended.

When DS was doing parties like this it was at least £20 a head (he's 16 now) so I don't doubt that £25 is the going rate these days.

As far people's mental health being affected by having to reply to a children's party invite @ThisIsMyNameOkay I'm stunned - this has got to be a wind up!? If someone can't cope with a Yes/No question as simple as this I'm not sure they should be left in charge of a child.

Because I got the sense that she might just turn up and I wanted to spare her son that disappointment.

As it turned out I was right and she was planning to turn up according to the parent who passed on the message.

But I don’t really understand why you are struggling with this as it’s so simple.

Exactly. And I didn’t want to do that to her son.

Used to drive me mad when my kids were younger- I stopped doing parties when they were about 8 because of it

Rtft

I agree the post about you never know what people are going through, I had this at a party a couple years ago for ds I was furious as I also lost money a no show after message she would attend. I found out a couple weeks after that the parent had lost her mum and felt guilty to feel so angry towards her as if It was me a party would also be the last thing on my mind I know more times than not its not always as clear cut as this but life can throw many hardships yes its annoying very frustrating but stay kind you never know the reasons behind it. And if it is just rudeness then avoid in future I hope your little one had a wonderful birthday.

This is why we try to swerve hosting parties and go away for a day or weekend instead. We had a similar experience, bowed down to a kid with a food intolerance, kept having to chase his mum etc. Never came and we were out of pocket. Confronted said mum outside school and was hit with a load of abuse. I can’t be arsed and too long in the tooth to be dealing with idiots that lack decency and respect.

You confronted her about it?

I couldn't never

Did you send a reminder?

You never know what's going on in someone else's life. 3 months notice for a party is a bit extreme, but I'm guessing you needed to book that far in advance and know numbers (like a paintballing party). In which case, I make a fun, informative party invites addressed to parents. State your needs, dates, times, what's required on their part, their contact info, your contact info, safety info - and always RSVP deadlines. I've planned 52 parties for my children. From sleepovers, to paintballing, go-karting, painting pottery, panto, village hall disco, cinema - but every single invite has an RSVP and deadline. Sometime spending a lot of money, sometimes a little, sometimes taking 12 small children on a local train, sometimes working out logistics for car-ride shares and roping in other parents to help supervise. But always put in a RSVP and deadline. And be clear on what you need other parents to do and when.

I'd have sent a text to all the day before as a reminder.

Ida's mum got her parties mixed up maybe.

Yes it's rude to just not show up.

Yeah. A waiver reminder thing

Wasn't 3 months notice. It was 8/9 weeks. With Christmas in between and half term next week - not unreasonable

I did send a reminder 2 days before the party

Welcome to parenting , this happens a lot . People get a better offer / can't be bothered when it comes to it .

I saw. I'm saying I would have sent another, the day before. I'm not saying you did anything wrong, and I'm certainly not saying what she did was ok, just that I would do (and have done) things differently.

I never understand how people who in theory host parties themselves and understand the stress they entail can behave like that.
Convinced ds last year to go to a themepark for his bday hope I can swerve parties from now on

Yes it’s rude & inconsiderate, but it happens unfortunately. Are you married? If not your in for a big shock if you do get married because you pay a lot more than £25 and people don’t turn up!! It’s all part of arranging events I’m afraid. There’s always a few that cancel or don’t attend.

It reads fine OP 😉

This always happens. I book a couple places less than the number that are coming to account for this. At my DCs last party, I saw the parents and child earlier in the day by chance, and then didn’t show up to the party, or message me. Very rude and annoying AF, but you just need to suck it up I’m afraid.