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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How rude is this! Kid's party

254 replies

firethene · 04/02/2024 17:32

Sent out invites for my DD's party this afternoon in November.

Most responded yay or nay straight away, one parent didn't. Fine, I didn't think anything of it. I then bumped into her on the school run and mention if 'Ida' could come or not, she said yes.

A few days ago I sent out another text to everyone who had said yes reminding them to sign the venue's waiver thing - this parent read and didn't reply.

'Ida' didn't show up at the party meaning we'd paid for her place for nothing (in the region of about £25 per head). Also did food and party bags etc.

Aibu in thinking if you don't want to come, just bloody decline?

OP posts:
Tikkamarsalaplease · 04/02/2024 22:52

Just out of curiosity did your DD receive a gift from them? Wondering if they do care at all 😬

tachetastic · 04/02/2024 23:06

firethene · 04/02/2024 17:32

Sent out invites for my DD's party this afternoon in November.

Most responded yay or nay straight away, one parent didn't. Fine, I didn't think anything of it. I then bumped into her on the school run and mention if 'Ida' could come or not, she said yes.

A few days ago I sent out another text to everyone who had said yes reminding them to sign the venue's waiver thing - this parent read and didn't reply.

'Ida' didn't show up at the party meaning we'd paid for her place for nothing (in the region of about £25 per head). Also did food and party bags etc.

Aibu in thinking if you don't want to come, just bloody decline?

It's annoying, but to be honest I also think it's the same with adults. Some people say they will show and then can't on the day for a number of good and bad reasons. Doesn't mean we have to fall out with them.

For a kids party, where they all have to get on at school and at clubs, I would say take it on the chin and say nothing.

I also always make sure the party bags still make it to the intended children. Avoid waste.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 05/02/2024 00:04

It is rude. But when she didn’t reply via text I would have said ‘I have to confirm numbers soon/ please could you reply by X date or I will assume daughter cannot make it’

Femme2804 · 05/02/2024 00:17

I always have bday party for my two boys and invites sent 3 weeks before. Because people tends to forget if its too long. Also not rsvp is very common. Last year only 5 parents rsvp and turns out all the kids that we are invited all come. If you decided to make party then you know the risk.

blackpanth · 05/02/2024 00:25

Yanbu

notthatthis · 05/02/2024 02:00

So if she read and didn't reply and presumably didn't sign the waiver thing, why pay for Ida?

Original poster
firethene · 05/02/2024 06:21

At that price I think I would have put on the invitation something like "please only accept if you genuinely intend to come as I have to pay £25.00 per child upfront which is non refundable".

I hope no one ever does this!

OP posts:
Original poster
firethene · 05/02/2024 06:23

User373433 · 04/02/2024 20:57

Ridiculously early invites, surprised everyone else replied straight away. You can still book early and not invite until 3 weeks before, as standard. Not surprised they didn't engage. I am surprised you only had one person forget. Usually there are a few no shows for any party.

You sound lovely

OP posts:
Original poster
firethene · 05/02/2024 06:23

bakewellbride · 04/02/2024 21:01

@User373433 I see your point but surely there is a middle ground to be had. 3 weeks notice wouldn't really be enough for us, we have one car and dh needs it for his nhs shifts. I think about 4-7 or 8 weeks is about right.

I gave 8/9 weeks notice so no problem then!

OP posts:
Original poster
firethene · 05/02/2024 06:25

BobbyBiscuits · 04/02/2024 21:16

It seems a little rude, but I think I would have asked the mum to send the rsvp back confirming it was a definite yes, after she verbally said it. If she did not I would have taken it as the kid was not coming. Could it be the Mum has financial issues and was worried about paying the fee for the kid (not realising you were covering it)? Or she was unaware it was a pre-paid event and thought it was more of a turn up if you can at someone's home/ a park etc?
I would not take it uber personally, she could have all sorts on her mind and may not even have remembered on the day. The invite was such a long time ago.

No, none of this

OP posts:
Justfinking · 05/02/2024 06:27

Yes rude. But why didn't you just call them to confirm, phones can do this

Original poster
firethene · 05/02/2024 06:27

neighboursareselling · 04/02/2024 21:57

Personally I think it's batshit crazy to spend £25 a head for other kids to come to your kids party.

Thanks for your unsolicited opinion!

OP posts:
tellmeonafriday · 05/02/2024 06:44

I had one where the mum messaged me the morning of the party to rsvp yes, I had to call the venue an hour before the party to add and pay for another child, then half an hour before I got a text saying the child had been too naughty and couldn't come as punishment. I really really wish I'd replied to that text to say how rude it was, looking back. Unfortunately some people in every walk of life are rude and entitled. I do sometimes worry about forgetting about a party though as we have one every weekend at the minute!

Lasttraintolondon · 05/02/2024 06:57

I actually agree with sending invites a month or two in advance, lots of us have busy lives and that approach has always worked for me.

That to one side, if a parent messes me around on a party and I lose money as a result, then that's the end for them as far as future parties go. If my kids want to see their kids they can have something with no cost attached instead, like a play date.

Flakey/lazy parents need consequences or they treat everyone like shit.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 05/02/2024 07:27

I agree it’s rude. Has the mother thrown a child’s party before? I didn’t know it would be charged per child in advance so perhaps it’s the same for her where she didn’t think it was changing costs. Still rude not to get in touch.

neighboursareselling · 05/02/2024 07:36

firethene · 05/02/2024 06:27

Thanks for your unsolicited opinion!

Show quote history

You're welcome

FrozenGhost · 05/02/2024 08:03

It's annoying and the same has happened to me, but don't dwell on it. Don't worry about the money side of it - OK it's a bit of a waste but if they had come, you'd have spent the same amount. You aren't down extra because of their no show.

lilacstone · 05/02/2024 08:14

This has happened at parties we’ve held. It’s very annoying when you’ve paid a significant amount for a child, have limited spaces and no notice to invite another child instead. They don’t get invited again.

Lindy2 · 05/02/2024 08:18

Unfortunately there will always be rude people.

I'd say at least half of the parties we did had a no show or a last minute cancellation. It's just how it is I'm afraid. We generally went for lower cost per head places because of things like that.

Cattenberg · 05/02/2024 09:12

To those wondering why we don’t just send text reminders - if someone doesn’t respond to an invitation by phoning/texting as suggested, we’re unlikely to have their number! I wasn’t close friends with these parents, funnily enough.

Cattenberg · 05/02/2024 09:15

MermaidMummy06 · 04/02/2024 21:16

It's incredibly common. You did pretty well to only have one no show. My DS went to one where he was the only invitee who turned up out of ten rsvp'd kids. It made me decide to just have a few kids at our home or a park. I've still had multiple last minute 'can we come / bring siblings' texts, though. Last year DS's best friend forgot altogether. I find more come now he's old enough for his friends' parents to just drop & run.

It's up there in rudeness with the new rule of invite who you want to special events & to hell with who you hurt by excluding them (both kids and adults).

This is heartbreaking. What shitty parents to do that to a child on their birthday.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/02/2024 09:27

Jk8 · 04/02/2024 21:15

What a joke. Seriously how bitter do you need to be to 'get a message through to the other mother in case her child just turns up' if the whole point of the falling out is her child not turning up...? 😂

Show quote history

What on Earth are you talking about?

I invited a child with a paper invite because their parents aren’t on the WhatsApp group, and I don’t know their numbers. I put a clear respond by date with my number etc. They didn’t respond. I then had to chase down their details. They still didn’t respond.

I had to give final numbers to the venue.

On the day I had to ask another parent to let them know there wasn’t a space for their child so they didn’t just turn up, having failed to respond or acknowledge the invite in any way.

I’m not sure how any of that is bitter - there was no space for their child as they hadn’t acknowledged the invitation in any way, and it’s not a drop in.

Original poster
firethene · 05/02/2024 10:31

ThomasinaLivesHere · 05/02/2024 07:27

I agree it’s rude. Has the mother thrown a child’s party before? I didn’t know it would be charged per child in advance so perhaps it’s the same for her where she didn’t think it was changing costs. Still rude not to get in touch.

Yes she has, we were invited, I was just returning the invite.

OP posts:
Jk8 · 05/02/2024 10:43

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/02/2024 09:27

What on Earth are you talking about?

I invited a child with a paper invite because their parents aren’t on the WhatsApp group, and I don’t know their numbers. I put a clear respond by date with my number etc. They didn’t respond. I then had to chase down their details. They still didn’t respond.

I had to give final numbers to the venue.

On the day I had to ask another parent to let them know there wasn’t a space for their child so they didn’t just turn up, having failed to respond or acknowledge the invite in any way.

I’m not sure how any of that is bitter - there was no space for their child as they hadn’t acknowledged the invitation in any way, and it’s not a drop in.

Show quote history

The whole point of RSVPing is that you have the numbers of people attending <<< if somebody doesn't respond then by all means be annoyed by the lack of politeness but you still have the exact number of kids comming... you know from the RSVP list of people who did respond... ??? surely if your chasing people up & dropping messages about staying away your basically missing the whole point of the system 😄

ThisIsMyNameOkay · 05/02/2024 10:43

firethene · 04/02/2024 17:32

Sent out invites for my DD's party this afternoon in November.

Most responded yay or nay straight away, one parent didn't. Fine, I didn't think anything of it. I then bumped into her on the school run and mention if 'Ida' could come or not, she said yes.

A few days ago I sent out another text to everyone who had said yes reminding them to sign the venue's waiver thing - this parent read and didn't reply.

'Ida' didn't show up at the party meaning we'd paid for her place for nothing (in the region of about £25 per head). Also did food and party bags etc.

Aibu in thinking if you don't want to come, just bloody decline?

As much as I can see it being frustrating for you, from my experience it's important you remember that everybody is going through their own things. You DDs party isn't top of their priority list and I mean that in the nicest way.

A lot of parents struggle with their mental health. With the stress, with possible financial issues/relationship/health issues. You literally have no idea. Mental health can cause so much anxiety and distraction. If she said yes to you in person she isn't a bad person, she probably has the best intentions she just going through things and is perhaps burying her head. I wouldn't be angry at her. If you need clarity then next time perhaps kindly bring it up with the parent and express 'I know we all have alot going on so there's no pressure I just want to check in that you're okay and when you can let me know before...(deadline for party date) so I can sort finances out'.

Keep it calm and with understanding