How rude is this! Kid's party

[firethene]

Sent out invites for my DD's party this afternoon in November.

Most responded yay or nay straight away, one parent didn't. Fine, I didn't think anything of it. I then bumped into her on the school run and mention if 'Ida' could come or not, she said yes.

A few days ago I sent out another text to everyone who had said yes reminding them to sign the venue's waiver thing - this parent read and didn't reply.

'Ida' didn't show up at the party meaning we'd paid for her place for nothing (in the region of about £25 per head). Also did food and party bags etc.

Aibu in thinking if you don't want to come, just bloody decline?

Ridiculously early invites, surprised everyone else replied straight away. You can still book early and not invite until 3 weeks before, as standard. Not surprised they didn't engage. I am surprised you only had one person forget. Usually there are a few no shows for any party.

Yes she was rude. I'd have to ask her about it when I see her.

@User373433 I see your point but surely there is a middle ground to be had. 3 weeks notice wouldn't really be enough for us, we have one car and dh needs it for his nhs shifts. I think about 4-7 or 8 weeks is about right.

To be fair...she didnt RSVP did she ?
You caught her in a spot & she said yes in passing (or might have mistaken you for someone elses) or worst still taken her child to somebody else's party 😅 next time just go off the RSVP list

@firethene did you message the parent to ask if they were running late? Might have jogged their memory? Very rude on their behalf.

You can totally mention it! She wasted your time and money.

I havent invited the kid whose parents never responded a couple of years ago again. I need to know numbers. I did have to get a message to the through another mum on the day that there was no place as they hadn’t responded. In case they just turned up.

What a joke. Seriously how bitter do you need to be to 'get a message through to the other mother in case her child just turns up' if the whole point of the falling out is her child not turning up...? 😂

It seems a little rude, but I think I would have asked the mum to send the rsvp back confirming it was a definite yes, after she verbally said it. If she did not I would have taken it as the kid was not coming. Could it be the Mum has financial issues and was worried about paying the fee for the kid (not realising you were covering it)? Or she was unaware it was a pre-paid event and thought it was more of a turn up if you can at someone's home/ a park etc?
I would not take it uber personally, she could have all sorts on her mind and may not even have remembered on the day. The invite was such a long time ago.

Yes, a rude mother.
You were lucky that only one out of the twenty could not make it at the last minute. Kids get ill all the time so when you factor that in, you did well with 95% attendance.

Would the venue have accepted one more, had you have booked for 19, and the last child showed up? Maybe you could always book for one less than expected.

It's incredibly common. You did pretty well to only have one no show. My DS went to one where he was the only invitee who turned up out of ten rsvp'd kids. It made me decide to just have a few kids at our home or a park. I've still had multiple last minute 'can we come / bring siblings' texts, though. Last year DS's best friend forgot altogether. I find more come now he's old enough for his friends' parents to just drop & run.

It's up there in rudeness with the new rule of invite who you want to special events & to hell with who you hurt by excluding them (both kids and adults).

Hear hear, @firethene.

In the States we call these types trashy. It’s a terrible example they’re setting for their children.
I suppose the kids will eventually wonder why they don’t get invited to any parties any more and not have a clue.

The same thing happened with DD’s party last year. Two flaky sets of parents didn’t RSVP and when chased, assured us their child was coming. On the day, one turned up and the other didn’t. No notice or apology from the no-show. It was a real shame as there was another child I wish we could have invited.

There are some lovely parents at DD’s school, and I wish DD was close friends with their kids. Alas, she loves the kid with the flaky, inconsiderate parents, the kid whose mum is sometimes friendly, sometimes cold, and most of all she loves the kid with the snobby mum who is sadly one of life’s takers.

Other cheeky fuckery that could also come your way:

• people who don't rsvp at all then just show up on the day
• people who surprise you by springing an extra sibling on you

What fun!

I think she did decline in a non confrontational way. I know you asked her directly and she said yes. However, she didn’t reply and didn’t sign the waiver. I would have taken that as a no. Some people have a hard time turning things down. No idea why.

Anyway, I hope your child had a fabulous day.

Personally I think it's batshit crazy to spend £25 a head for other kids to come to your kids party.

Unless she apologises and at least offers to pay the fee, you know not to invite Ida again.

So rude.

They do their children no favours, poor kids, because they might not be invited again.

I didn't get some RSVP's and that is always noted.

No issue sending out invites in November - I have invites for late march birthdays coming in already for my boys.

She was either incredibly rude or is quite scatty + forgot? I did that once to a classmate of my eldest. But I was deeply embarrassed + profusely apologetic when I realized.

If she doesnt follow up with an apology I’d probably write her off as a bit socially unhinged. No one with even a modicum of social sense would think that was ok. Everyone knows you pay per head at venues. I don’t think it’s even worth getting cross with her about… mad!

Sadly have also had this several times, one parent told my husband she would be there with child, no show.

Another couple, nothing, no reply at all, although their children said they were coming, but when you don’t have the parents numbers, it’s so difficult, they didn’t come

Honestly it does feel so aggravating when you have to pay for the places, and buy extras as party bags

I can remember phoning one girl, once to ask if she was coming, and saying that we would wait for her, oh no she was out playing. Yet another one who said they were coming , also daughter’s best friend at the time, so that led to more upset.

I’m not doing any more parties, Ive spent so much money on them over the years, I could probably have bought a new suite, cheap car, or a good few laptops.

All of which I wish I had done now

We have 2 in dds class like this. Either don’t respond at all. Or respond late, say yes, then don’t turn up. Unfortunately I don’t invite them anymore. It’s not the kids fault but I’ve wasted too much money on them not turning up. It’s not just us. They have done it to almost everyone in the class. So rude and it’s a shame because dd is actually good friends with one of the kids. But we won’t invite them to anything again

Unfortunately this happens,no reply then DNA. Despite knowing you’ve paid
Get a list of reserve folk who attend at short notice when you get a DNA
My kids have attended parties at short notice when there are DNA

Must be lucky. Never had anyone not turn up. Never had anyone bring sibling. Mixture of old fashioned parties with games etc at home and outings to farms/ outdoor activities etc.

However I remember being at a neighbour's house and her daughter kept reminding her Mum she had to get to a party. Eventually her Mum just said 'Oh I really can't be bothered now. I should have got a present. Ah well, you can't go.' I felt upset for the poor daughter. A very disorganised Mum.

Needless to say their relationship is almost non existent now. The daughter lives abroad.

It's annoying, yes, but give the woman the benefit of the doubt. You never know what people have going on in their lives. You're actually doing well to only have one no show. Kids parties are notorious for this.

Last year had a parent reply the day before the party to say her child was going to come. It was a pay per child activity so I booked her on (limited spaces so couldn't risk paying on the door). Twenty minutes before the party she messaged to say her child couldn't attend as she had to go to coding class. I was not impressed.....