Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How rude is this! Kid's party

254 replies

firethene · 04/02/2024 17:32

Sent out invites for my DD's party this afternoon in November.

Most responded yay or nay straight away, one parent didn't. Fine, I didn't think anything of it. I then bumped into her on the school run and mention if 'Ida' could come or not, she said yes.

A few days ago I sent out another text to everyone who had said yes reminding them to sign the venue's waiver thing - this parent read and didn't reply.

'Ida' didn't show up at the party meaning we'd paid for her place for nothing (in the region of about £25 per head). Also did food and party bags etc.

Aibu in thinking if you don't want to come, just bloody decline?

OP posts:
Original poster
firethene · 06/02/2024 20:48

Tiredmama53 · 06/02/2024 20:39

What because i forgot a kids party once?

I have two kids both if whom get a party invite a fortnight at least, am pregnant, both kids birthdays are in December/January and we were on holiday over Christmas. We had a lot going on and it skipped my mind as the party was before the kids went back to school. Mum was totally understanding and we sent along his present and card into school.

Sending an invite out that early is ridiculous and if you're gonna send it out Iver two months in advance then this is likely to be a consequence.

I send my kids out four weeks in advance max and send reminder texts out the day before so anyone whose forgotten can let me know if they've double booked or something which there is always someone who has because life happens.

Sending an invite out that early is ridiculous

No, it's not.

OP posts:
Patty101 · 06/02/2024 21:20

I thought my ears were burning...

My child was invited to a party in November that took place on Saturday. I was away for the weekend and my mum was looking after my child. I learned on Sunday that my mum did not take my child to the party as she had planned.

My mum developed a migraine, was vomiting, and couldn't possibly have driven my child to the party. She tried to call me to let me know so that I could let party child's mother know but I was in the middle of nowhere with no service. When I spoke to her the next day, she told me what had happened, and I immediately sent a message to party child's mother to apologise and explain the situation.

Now, my story isn't identical to OP's, (no waiver, it was a girl's party, etc) so either it is me she is referring to and a few details have been changed, and she hasn't bothered to mention the apology that was sent the next day, or it was a massive coincidence and I'm not the only person whose child didn't attend a party that were supposed to be going to.

When I hosted a party for my own child, (which party child did attend) there were 2 no shows on the day, and it was similar price per head so I do understand the frustration.

Original poster
firethene · 06/02/2024 21:22

Patty101 · 06/02/2024 21:20

I thought my ears were burning...

My child was invited to a party in November that took place on Saturday. I was away for the weekend and my mum was looking after my child. I learned on Sunday that my mum did not take my child to the party as she had planned.

My mum developed a migraine, was vomiting, and couldn't possibly have driven my child to the party. She tried to call me to let me know so that I could let party child's mother know but I was in the middle of nowhere with no service. When I spoke to her the next day, she told me what had happened, and I immediately sent a message to party child's mother to apologise and explain the situation.

Now, my story isn't identical to OP's, (no waiver, it was a girl's party, etc) so either it is me she is referring to and a few details have been changed, and she hasn't bothered to mention the apology that was sent the next day, or it was a massive coincidence and I'm not the only person whose child didn't attend a party that were supposed to be going to.

When I hosted a party for my own child, (which party child did attend) there were 2 no shows on the day, and it was similar price per head so I do understand the frustration.

Party was on Sunday, not Saturday.

OP posts:
Solibear · 06/02/2024 22:44

All these people getting hung up on you sending the invites out in November 🤣 they must not have been to kids’ parties for a while! We’ve already got two in the calendar for May and one for June!! November seems late to me 😂

HarrietTheFireStarter · 07/02/2024 02:01

firethene · 06/02/2024 06:31

How would I know if she didn't show up to a party that hasn't even happened yet?

Show quote history

Quite. It didn't make sense. Very confusing post to read.

Original poster
firethene · 07/02/2024 07:04

@HarrietTheFireStarter c200 other posters managed to understand.

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 07/02/2024 07:13

There was quite a bit of confusion from posters initially over the wording

Hesma · 07/02/2024 07:27

Did you send out a reminder? With invitations being send out so far in advance and Christmas in between I’d have completely forgotten

Original poster
firethene · 07/02/2024 08:08

Hesma · 07/02/2024 07:27

Did you send out a reminder? With invitations being send out so far in advance and Christmas in between I’d have completely forgotten

Yes! Its all there in the thread

OP posts:
vickylou78 · 07/02/2024 10:36

Op I think this is a lesson learned. I would've checked attendance (and maybe called the parent) when the parent didn't reply about the waiver. Something along the lines of 'I haven't heard from you about the party on Sunday and need the waiver form if Ida is still coming? Can you let me know ASAP if she is still coming'. And would have assumed if they didn't reply to that chase up that they weren't coming.
What did you do when they didn't reply about the waiver?

Containerhome · 07/02/2024 10:50

I missed a party this Sunday. I completely forgot as 2 out of 4 of my kids came down with a stomach bug on the Saturday evening. This thread just reminded me so I have just messaged the mum to apologise. Kids where ill. I was top busy sorting out vomit and I forgot.
Granted it was in a hall and not a organised activity like Ops. I feel awful about it. But you don't know why they didn't turn up

mnuser97427 · 07/02/2024 11:55

It wasn't 8-9 weeks in advance.
It was at least 10.
It happens.

HarrietTheFireStarter · 07/02/2024 13:05

firethene · 07/02/2024 07:04

@HarrietTheFireStarter c200 other posters managed to understand.

Some, eventually. You're very grumpy aren't you?

mnuser97427 · 07/02/2024 14:11

@HarrietTheFireStarter I agree. She's been unnecessarily rude.

Bouledeneige · 07/02/2024 23:32

I think it's inevitable that it will happen with at least one parent at any party.

Cattenberg · 08/02/2024 13:37

I’ve never forgotten a kid’s party, but I can’t say I’ve never forgotten a social event. I did apologise profusely and send a gift.

I don’t think it happened once when I was a kid, strangely. Birthday parties were simple, homely affairs back then, yet no one was holding out for a better offer and no one forgot to turn up. No text reminders, either.

Tiredmama53 · 08/02/2024 15:05

firethene · 06/02/2024 20:48

Sending an invite out that early is ridiculous

No, it's not.

Show quote history

Quite a few people on here have told you it is. Most people don't micromanage their weekends so far in advance you're clearly going to have people forget, people make other more important plans later and people say no because they don't know for sure they'll be free. Which is exactly what happened. Unless the party is over a particularly busy period like the Easter holidays and you need to know if enough people are going to not be on holiday then it's totally unnecessary and annoying for all the other parents who will then feel tied in even if they get a better offer.

Original poster
firethene · 08/02/2024 16:30

8/9 weeks is a completely fine amount of notice.

If you're free - accept, if not, decline.

Don't wait around for a better offer in between - that's rude

OP posts:
mnuser97427 · 08/02/2024 18:33

firethene · 08/02/2024 16:30

8/9 weeks is a completely fine amount of notice.

If you're free - accept, if not, decline.

Don't wait around for a better offer in between - that's rude

No one needs to respond. No response is a response.

You seem fixated on the idea that those who don't respond are waiting for a better offer. It's nonsense.

Asthenia · 08/02/2024 18:35

This is so rude OP! I hate flakiness so much. Unexpected illness/emergencies of course are totally understandable.
Bit baffled by some of the comments here saying “people don’t know what they’re doing in 3 months time” well…exactly? If my DD was invited to a birthday party on Saturday 3 August this year for example then I’d RSVP yes because as of yet we have no plans, so unless she was unwell/an emergency happened that meant she couldn’t go, that’s what we’d be doing then.
Am I in the minority?!
I’m one of life’s planners though and 2 weeks notice wouldn’t be enough for me.

Containerhome · 08/02/2024 18:36

I promise you OP. No one is waiting around for a better offer. Parties are the bane of most parental lives!

sitbackandenjoytheride · 08/02/2024 18:37

Containerhome · 08/02/2024 18:36

I promise you OP. No one is waiting around for a better offer. Parties are the bane of most parental lives!

Something that has to be done when you have kids

Containerhome · 08/02/2024 18:40

Well yes and no. @sitbackandenjoytheride they don't have to have a packed weekend every weekend. But that's not what I was referring to. op is adamant that the mum didn't come because she was waiting for a better party offer... I can guarantee that she wasn't doing that.

vickylou78 · 08/02/2024 19:20

I think it's tricky too when kids parties invites go out too soon as it's hard to know if there will be something more important going on (work deadlines, weekend away, other adult functions to attend, older siblings sports events, family visiting etc.). 4 or 5 weeks is plenty of notice.
I suspect the parent didn't know what their plans were that weekend when got the invite and so hadn't responded and then were put on spot when asked face to face.

But I do think they were rude to not decline when they got message about the waiver etc. I'd be as pissed off as you Op in that respect. It's rude not to decline when the date is approaching and you know you are definitely not attending.

FindingNeverland28 · 08/02/2024 19:47

Yes it’s rude. I would be tempted to put a message in the group WhatsApp (if you have one)… ‘thank you to everyone who came to DDs birthday party and sent cards/gifts. She had a fantastic time. (Name of venue) was a perfect choice, but just a heads up for anyone thinking of booking the venue in the future, they still charge the full £25 each for all of the children who said they would be attending, regardless of if they attend or not.’