How rude is this! Kid's party

[firethene]

Sent out invites for my DD's party this afternoon in November.

Most responded yay or nay straight away, one parent didn't. Fine, I didn't think anything of it. I then bumped into her on the school run and mention if 'Ida' could come or not, she said yes.

A few days ago I sent out another text to everyone who had said yes reminding them to sign the venue's waiver thing - this parent read and didn't reply.

'Ida' didn't show up at the party meaning we'd paid for her place for nothing (in the region of about £25 per head). Also did food and party bags etc.

Aibu in thinking if you don't want to come, just bloody decline?

This is the one thing I hate about throwing children's parties. IME, the "coming" RSVPs and actual people who turn up on the day are never exactly the same - sometimes they mostly match, sometimes they bear little resemblance.

I've thrown a party where a bunch of kids who were coming didn't come, a bunch of kids who didn't rsvp turned up, and birthday boy's BFF's mum texted on the day to ask if the BFF's siblings could come too.

This is why I think it's best to stick to hall parties or soft plays where you can pay on the day (often with a minimum, which you'll hopefully meet - I haven't always, even when inviting double the minimum!) until the kids are older and have a smaller group of friends whose parents you can reach out to individually and arrange things with iyswim.

It's so annoying!

I would definitely do the hall party thing, except he dislikes them so much. Shame.

Next year I'll probably whittle it down to 10 friends. Hopefully that's reasonable for a will-be 7 year old

I do agree she was rude. And not to even answer you. Perhaps she's got a lot on or is hospitalised or something?

She was rude. In the case of expensive parties like these I'd really make it clear to parents that you'd have to pay if they accept and don't attend. This parent might have been flaky and thought you wouldn't lose any money.

No... definitely not hospitalised...

We had this a few times when my teens were little, I just don’t get why they would say yes. Bloody rude. Shame you can’t charge her!!

Rude then. I hope your DD had a great time

Yes it is rude, but doesn't surprise me.

I did a soft play party for my daughter this year and invited a few friends from a club she goes to. One child had recently left the club but my daughter wanted to ask her so I tracked down her mum on FB and asked. I was quite surprised she said yes actually but she did, and chose food options for her daughter. They never showed, along with another girl from the club whose mum had RSVPed yes. No message or anything to apologise either. So rude.

20 kids at £25 a head 😳

Yep, I've been to two parties today, the first had one no-show and the second had 2 no-shows.

Last year at my child's party I had folk turning up with siblings, folk agreeing to supervise (had to have a certain ratio of adults) and then buggering off on the day... I aged about ten years that afternoon.

It's unfortunately part and parcel of throwing a kids party. It's shit.

What was the activity at that price per child?

Giving out invites for in November for a party in February is insane I'm not suprised she forgot, anything could have come up. It's usually a couple of weeks max you send invites out.

Go back and read it again!

@firethene your OP was fine to understand because 1. How could you have bumped into the mum on the school after giving the invitation out and sent an additional message a couple of days ago if you gave them out today, a Sunday! And 2. How would you know the child didn't turn and you had wasted £25 if they aren't expected to attend for another 10 months! The other posters either didn't read the OP or are being dicks.

Regarding your actual post. The mum should absolutely of declined when you asked or contacted you prior to today to let you know she wouldn't be coming. Even if she didn't know how much it she would have known it was pay per child.

I agree with you, but it was my friend's wedding at the weekend £140 per head for the meal, 5 people pulled out in the day or the night before, with very flimsy excuses. £700 wasted!! People are so rude

Did you need to book a minimum number?

It's rude but when she didn't reply I'd have given the space away.

Message directly and say "hi you accepted verbally but not replied to request to sign waiver. I will assume x not coming unless you tell me by x time.

Then another text saying just to confirm x not booked on to activity. Its a shame they can't make it.

You can always expect a bit of flakiness. Just be prepared then can fill the slot.

I’m sorry, how old is your child that you decide who can and cannot come and the child gets no say? And why are you going to penalise a child due to thr parent?

Some people are just thoughtless. Once I sent out invites and a little girl turned up whose mum hadn't bothered to RSVP. Luckily the party was at our house so I could squeeze in an extra child

I bet she'd forgotten, organised something else and then wimped out of being honest with you.

Did the parent know that the party was £25.00 per head? DS was invited to a soft play party a few months ago and I only found out the child's DM was paying £25.00 per child because I had gone onto the soft play website and had a look at the party package, just out of general interest because we had never been there before.

At that price I think I would have put on the invitation something like "please only accept if you genuinely intend to come as I have to pay £25.00 per child upfront which is non refundable".

I hate £25.00 per head parties because you feel like you need to spend that much on a gift for the birthday child, it seems mean to spend £10.00 on a gift when the parents are paying £25.00 for my child to be there.

Annoying, especially after you sent a reminder. And perhaps rude but maybe a genuine mistake. I hope they would be very apologetic if they realise but I probably wouldn’t bring it up

I am a massive planner in advance. I booked my DS’s birthday party which is end of this month (23 Feb ) in Nov. But I sat on it and didn’t send invites out until about a week ago, because with the best will in the world people don’t know what they’ll be doing two or three months ahead.

It’s not about better offers etc, it’s just that a child’s party isn’t that level of priority to other people that they can hold a date so long in advance.

Sounds like she’d already decided she wasn’t coming, but just didn’t bother responding, and was thrown a bit when you asked her direct on the school run, so just said yes. I would have just catered for those that had done their RSVP, and if her dc had just turned up I would have tried to accommodate her with venue, but made it clear no party bag.

Someone did this to me for my son's birthday this summer. They didn't RSVP as requested so I chased them up (via message thread so not just an off the cuff convo that got forgotten) and they then said yes, so I paid for their child's place. Didn't show. Next year I am not chasing up non responders. And I would think twice about inviting that kid again, though it seems harsh when your beef is really with the parents being useless.

It was crap so yanbu op but there's always one of these as I have discovered!

My rude party person was at ds' 5th. There was weeks and weeks notice and the parent didn't reply then just told me (note - not ask, tell) they were coming literally 2 days before. I politely said I'd try to squeeze them in but the venue needed the food info ten days before and that the deadline for RSVPs was date X. She sent an arsey / sarcastic reply saying 'ooh I missed this vital information' with an eye roll emoji. I was really pissed off but thought if I just tell her where to go then my son misses out on this kid coming so I tried to be the bigger person and got her in, sorted a party bag etc.

Then the party day rolls around. She is so late she nearly misses the whole thing! Just casually bowls in right at the end when I was dishing the food out & no apology! It was very stressful.

The absolute icing on the cake was the gift as it said 'party bag fillers' on the label.

Absolute piss taker! They crop up from time to time unfortunately with kids parties.